I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Sugar, and the magic that it produces

Child + Sugar + Tired = Nutso. Kind of the way that Me + Gravity + Objects = Funny. But the sugar equation can be prevented. Just avoid sugar, right? What kind of childhood would that be? I lived on sugar! Sugar cereals by the giant bowlful, hostess cakes in every shape and size, High Fructose Corn Syrup in everything that I touched (actually not sure when they started using that…must be from the glorious 80’s…) And I turned out fine, right? Except for the most ginormous sweet tooth ever…

Because of my uncontrolled upbringing with sugar, I vowed that my child would not be exposed to an over-abundance of sweets until we thought it (would be impossible to avoid) was appropriate. Therefore Jack still to this day hasn’t tried soda. Yep, we’re those parents. He has sweets occasionally, limited to ice cream, my homemade baked goods, (please refer to the first part of this paragraph), Easter Basket and Christmas stocking treats, Halloween (limited) and a special treat once in awhile. Therefore, Jack is the type of child that will stop eating a chocolate cookie…midway!…and say “Ah, man I’m full” and push it away. How DARE he. But he dare.

This is why I find it hysterical to see what a little bit of sugar will do to this kid. You can actually see it process through his body. The initial YUM, then the flushed blotches on his cheeks, the shiney glazed eyes, and then…well… all hell breaks loose. Jack had a half of an ice cream cone this past Saturday. Small. Soft serve. We were with his Uncle John.

me: (because I panic when I see kids eating ice cream cones on a hot day) Jack you gotta lick AROUND it. Stop pushing the ice cream around and lick it! GAHHH. (look away in disgust)
Jack: I’m full Mommy, I… (and then the sugar rush hits) HAVE TO RUN AROUND THIS PARKING LOT! (and he takes off)
me: Jack get back here and stay near us please. Cars are going by and it…
John: Where did he go?
Jack: (jumping out from the side of the building) SNEAK ATTACK! (he lunges at us) SNEAK ATTACK!
John: Wow that was fast. (Jack continued to run in circles)
me: Yeah, it’s the sugar.
Jack: (running back and forth like a caged animal) SNEAK ATTACK!
John: Why does he keep saying that?
me: Hey Jack, what’s with the sneak attack?
Jack: What’s with the sneak attack? (oh a mimic huh?)
me: Okay, just stay over here.
Jack: Okay, just stay over here.
me: Sigh.
Jack: (jumps on John) SNEAK ATTACK!
John: Ha ha, what the heck is with you? What are you doing?
Jack: I’m SNEAK ATTACKING you!
me: NO hitting, Jack!
Jack: But why?

Within 5 minutes the sugar rush faded, he grabbed Stripey, the thumb went in and his eyes glazed over. So when I say “No, Jack’s okay drinking water” please believe me that he doesn’t need juice or chocolate milk. You’ll save yourself a lot of trouble and a few bruises!

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