I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

What are you?

That’s what Jack said when I picked him up at the bus stop. I was supposed to be a vampire. Well I was a vampire. At 9am. I had the press-on-your-incisor vamp teeth, I had the dried blood. I had the makeup and the wig and the cape and the black outfit. I had fake eyelashes for god’s sake! Bright lights hurt. It was all there. But by 3:45pm the makeup had smudged/caked around my eyes, the dried blood had fallen off like an old scab, the wig was hot and itchy, and the teeth were forgotten in a desk drawer.

So then I sort of looked like an old hag version of Elvira. It wasn’t working. The bus driver wasn’t quite sure if she should release Jack to me. But then she recognized me.

Jack: So what are you??

me: I was a vampire.

Jack: You’re not now?

me: Well, yes, but it’s wearing off.

Jack: How did you do all that makeup?

me: Very carefully and it took forever.

Jack: It doesn’t look very careful.

me: Sigh.

Instead of trying to keep the costume going I went for the fresh face scrub, hair spray and clean clothes in order to take Jack to his tae kwon do class. There may have been some eyelash glue stuck to my forehead and some residual dark circle makeup that I couldn’t scrub off, but I was passable. Of course Jack had to try on the wig. He would have made a cute daughter!


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