I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Another Comedy Routine – Halloween Style

First let me say that this “sick day” of mine didn’t really pan out. I was out of bed by 9am and doing my usual 50 things at once. We carved the pumpkin, roasted the seeds, made cookies, cleaned the house, and had a bunch of people over for pizza and tricks/treats and then had them all back over AFTER tricks/treats to compare the candy stashes. There were 3 teenagers, 2 kids, and an infant, plus a small group of adults. It was cold and windy out so I’m sure that I’ll have some bronchial flareup tomorrow right on cue. Cough.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I am not in any way embellishing Jack’s comments. He received many “talking to’s” about his wise cracks. Sigh.

1st house…
Jack: This way to the candy! Mom, this mask hurts. Here take it.

2nd house…
Jack: Hey guys, the candy at this house stinks! (said as he walked away…and the door was still open!) Mom, take my blaster, it’s not working out for me.

3rd house…
Jack: Here’s the 3-step rule…1) Ring Doorbell, 2) Get Candy, 3) Goodnight!

4th house…
Jack: I am NOT wearing these flashers. (hands me the red flashing blinky things that I had clipped to his costume) Hey, let’s just cut through their bushes. I’m not walking all the way back down there!

5th house…
Jack: Bing-Bong, yeah yeah gimme the candy. Let’s go in there. (He’s quoting the Jerry Seinfeld Halloween book that he loves. Unfortunately it sounds so rude!)

6th house…
Jack: Mom I’m so thirsty!!! Can you ask this house for water!??
Gavin: Jack wait up!
Jack: No Gavin I can’t wait for you, I’m thirsty. (Jack luckily scored a bottle of water and then took a rest on this poor guy’s front step)

7th house…
Jack: Gavin wait UP!
Gavin: No, you didn’t wait for me so I’m not waiting for you. (he tags Jack with his light saber)
Jack: Stop tazing me!

8th house…
Jack: My legs are tired Mom. (Jack flops down right in the middle of the road)
me: Let’s go Jack, we’re almost done.
Jack: (much whining)

9th house…
Jack: Are we done?
me: We’re going to this last house over here.
Jack: Noooooo…sob… I’m tired and freezing.

Back at our house:
Jack: Can I have some candy?
me: You can have 1 piece. Just 1.
Jack: Okay! Kit Kat please! (then in hoarse whisper to Gavin) Gavin, you grab a few and then I’ll have some of yours.
me: Jack, do you think I can’t hear you?
Jack: Awwwww…. (stomps away)

By the end of the night I was wearing my wig, Jack’s transformer mask, his blaster arm…I was holding his vest and his water bottle that leaked in my coat pocket, and I had pilfered two of his reese’s peanut butter cups. All in a night’s work. Hope everyone had a fun halloween! I have a mini sugar buzz and boot camp is about 7 hours from now. Sob.

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