I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

I’m a Wildebeest

Again.

That’s what we played this morning. It all started last night around 4am. Okay, this morning around 4am. I went to bed late, after 12:30, because I had gone into NYC to see a lecture (cabaret really) by Christopher McDougall, the author of Born to Run, and who, after hearing him speak, will remind you of the Running version of Anthony Bourdain (potty mouth)! (Ooh Ooh, special guest appearance by Peter Sarsgaard!! Yes I met him!) Amazing book. I’m reading it for the 2nd time and it hasn’t lost one drop of appeal even though I know the outcome! Good stuff.

Anyway, I was super tired at 4am. Jack called for me.

Jack: Maaaaaaaaammmmmmmeeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaaaaa. (I don’t know why he just doesn’t say Mommy…)

me: (once again stumbling up the stairs and tripping on the invisible Ed that tried to join me) Whasssuupp?

Jack: I think I’m wet.

me: (checking) I don’t feel anything. Need to go to the bathroom?

Jack: Yes. YES! Very bad! (knocks me out of the way)

me: Hold on before you fall in. (we don’t turn on ANY lights at 4am. None.)

Jack: You have to make it point down. (Ah, don’t you love having boys??)

me: Can’t you do this yourself?

Jack: Then I’d have to wash my hands and the cold water would wake me up too much.

me: You sound pretty awake as it is. (I’m now resting my head against the sink)

Jack: Tomorrow let’s play Wildebeest.

me: Okay, let’s talk about it in the morning. (we go get in bed, and Jack wraps himself in his “fur”)

Jack: I’m the ferocious daddy wildebeest and you’re the mommy wildebeest, okay?

me: Okay. G’night.

Jack: Wait, and Stripey is the baby, so in the monrning you have to come up and get me. Do NOT send Daddy. Then you come check on us and your baby. Mommy’s always check on their babies. Daddy’s don’t do that. (oh, so now he’s guilting me?)

me: Then I guess I need to sleep with Stripey since she’s the baby, right?

Jack: (mild panic) No, I’m a really GOOD daddy so I can take care of her.

me: Can I go to sleep now?

Jack: Yes. Grrrrrrrrr! (starts writhing around in his blanket)

me: Love you, good night.

(8am, yay he slept late!)
Jack: MOOOOOOOMmmmmmmaaaaaayyyy (puts his mouth right on the monitor) Mommy, can you please come up now!?

me: Sigh, it seems like I JUST did this.

I went up and we played Wildebeest for an hour or so. Does Dennis know how lucky he is? I think not.

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