me: Jack can I have this car?
Jack: Wha…? The gold one I got for my birthday?
me: Yeah. You have hundreds of them. I like this gold one.
Jack: How about this one? (he hands me a van)
me: No. The gold one. (I hug it a little tighter)
Jack: But I like it.
me: You have SO many though. I used to have an orange Corvette when I was little and I think I either lost it or it’s put away in a box somewhere. Did I give it to you?
Jack: No, I think it must be away somewhere.
me: So, this car reminds me of my old car.
Jack: Welllll…you can have it until tomorrow. How’s that?
me: Yay! That means it’s mine forever!
Jack: I just said til tomorrow. That’s not forever!
me: Does tomorrow ever get here?
Jack: Yeah, it will be here tomorrow.
me: But what will we call tomorrow when it gets here?
Jack: (stops to think…) It will be called “today” but it’s really tomorrow.
me: No, then tomorrow will be tomorrow!
Jack: I know what you’re doing! You’re tricking me!
me: What about yesterday?
Jack: That already happened so let’s not worry about that. (waves his hand dismissively)
me: Well, when tomorrow gets here, it will be called “today”, so tomorrow will never actually get here then.
Jack: Look. Tomorrow will get here when the clock says it’s tomorrow. Just because we will THEN call it “today”, that’s just another name for it. Either way I’m taking that car back tomorrow.
me: You should just say “you can have my car until Sunday”.
Jack: Yeah, you can have my car until Sunday.
me: Yay! I get this until Sunday in 10 years from now! (am I trying to drive him crazy?)
Jack: Stoppit! You’re doing that on purpose! (he then cracks up and chases me around the house to try and beat the crap out of me)
Sh*t My 18-Year-Old Says 