I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Why 6-year-olds shouldn’t use the phone

me: (having just dialed Dennis’ phone…waiting for him to answer… )

Dennis: (muffled voice) Jack talk to mom…(more muffling sounds of the phone being passed to Jack in the back seat). Here.

Jack: (didn’t put the phone to his head) Dad here’s my tissue… (rustle rustle rustle)… (long pause……..) Hello?

me: Hi! What are —

Jack: (interrupting) Can we rent Megamind? Because the movie at Tae Kwon Do is a long ways away and I want to see if it’s any good,

me: First, how did you do in school?

Jack: Okay. I had a good morning but in the afternoon I had trouble listening in the library. So I got in trouble.

me: I’m glad you had a good morning. I’m sorry I couldn’t —

Jack: So can we rent it or not??

me: Hey, you know you have to eat a snack and then get your homework done right?

Jack: WE’RE NOT EVEN AT HOME RIGHT NOW!!!

me: (like I couldn’t tell with all the whoosing car driving noises) Put Daddy on please.

Dennis: Yeah?

me: Can you hear me? Put it on speaker…

Dennis: It is on speaker. What?

me: Well Jack was yelling so I wanted to tell you that he should have a snack now so it doesn’t ruin his dinner later, and he has to do his homework.

Jack: WE’RE IN THE CAR!

me: Can you tell him to stop yelling or take it off speaker?

Dennis: Jack stop yelling. He can hear you, you know.

me: Hey Jack…

Dennis: Answer Mommy

Jack: What?

me: You can watch a movie if you want for a little while but then you have to do your homework.

Jack: Okay! So can we rent Megamind?

me: That’s up to Daddy. You won’t have time to watch the whole thing…

Dennis: Can we wrap this up?

Jack: What?

me: Can you still hear me? (silence) Helloo??

Dennis: Answer Mommy please!

Jack: WHAT?

me: Sigh, okay I’m going. Jack I just wanted to tell you I missed you and I’ll see you later. Sheesh.

Dennis: Let’s go…

Jack: (starting to hang up) But we’re renting Megamind right?

me: Sigh (click)

 

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