That was actually a friend’s band’s name in college. Really.
Why do Sundays…shit, wait, I mean “MONDAYS-that-are-holidays-but-act-like-Sundays-but-really-feel-like-Saturdays-and-therefore-screw-everyone-up” always end the same way. Meaning, they end the same when you have a 6-year-old in the house. Does your child act all smiley and happy and dare I say – compliant to all grooming rituals – until they realize that the NEXT DAY IS A SCHOOL DAY?? OH, FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY!!! It does feel like the end of the world for about 30 minutes. Shorter if the oxygen to his brain, or lack thereof, makes him dizzy and he stops ranting.
me: So here’s the deal
Jack: (looks up suspiciously)
me: You wanted to watch Shaun the Sheep, right?
Jack: Yeah, can I can I??
me: Yes, but listen. You can watch one episode now, and then you’ll have to get ready for bed, ORRRRR, you can get ready for bed first and watch 3 episodes! Whattaya think?
Jack: (eyes bulge) What kind of choice is that?
me: I thought it was pretty easy actually…
Jack: OHHHHH, (fretful wringing of hands) I don’t know!
me: Jack. Really.
Jack: Since each BIG episode has 3 smaller episodes in it, I’m not exactly sure what you’re saying. Can I watch one ENTIRE episode now if I choose that choice, but that one includes 3 shows.
me: Sigh. Look I know each “show” contains 3 mini “episodes” that are like 7 minutes long. I’m talking about the 7-minute long episodes. You can pick one or three.
Jack: You know an episode is the ENTIRE thing right? What you’re saying is just part of an episode.
me: Look, pick now or I pick for you. We’re running out of time and you need to get some extra sleep tonight.
Jack: Okay, I pick that I would rather get all that cleaning out of the way and watch THREE whole … parts of the real episode.
me: Way to clarify.
Jack: Why do I need extra sleep?
me: (walking to get his clean clothes) Because it’s a school night… come on and we’ll get you in clean clothes.
Jack: WHAAAAATTT? (flings himself on the floor and starts wailing) OHHHHH I don’t want to go to school. My tail bone hurts from falling and I can’t walk. I NEED CRUTCHESSSSSSS!!!!!!
me: You’re fine. Come on.
Jack: I. Can’t. WALK!!!! Can I stay home because I can’t go to school if I can’t walk!!!!!!
me: You’re walking after me right now. I’ll check your tail bone in the morning, and if you really can’t walk we’ll go to the doctors. Okay?
Jack: (not sure he likes that plan…) Can we get this s-word stuff over with because I want to watch Shaun the Sheep.
me: I’m waiting for you.
Jack: (spells out loud) W-h-a-t-e-v-e-r. (he sees my look) Sorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy…
Now NEXT Sunday I will simply post a link back to this post. Really it will be an exact repeat. Trust me.
Sh*t My 18-Year-Old Says 