Jack: You’re so “L”, S-word Bubby… (translation: You’re so lame, stupid, and I’m calling you Bubby because I learned this in a book and I know it makes you mad)
me: I don’t think any of that is good, so please don’t say it, okay?
Jack: Okay Bubby. (translation: I’m still trying to make you mad)
Jack: Okay Lady, S-word. (translation: I was warned not to say “L” but I KNOW you hate to be called Lady, so I’ll try that to see where it gets me)
Jack: Mommm, S-word means SUPER cool! (translation: I’m almost in really big trouble, so I will scramble to make this sound super nice!)
me: Yeah, in what universe. Jack, please use nice words and a nice tone when you speak to me. Or anyone for that matter.
Jack; Can I say “fool” if I say it nicely? (translation: Is there a way I can say bad words and not get in trouble?)
me: Sigh…not really.
Jack: How about “Awww you’re such a fool!” (said with a big smile and sweet voice)
me: Not really cutting it. How about you just use nice words that everyone knows, so we don’t need a code to figure everything out?
Jack; That’s sooo S-word. Sorry!! (translation: Look at me pushing your buttons!)
me: One more time, no video…get it?
Jack: W-H-A-T – – –
me: (interrupting) I know what you’re spelling and I don’t like it.
Jack: No, no, no…I’m not spelling “WhatEVER” or “Lame” or “S-Word” or…(sees my look)…I was actually going to spell “Whatever you say”.
me: Yeah right! Good one.
Jack: That’s so F-word! Ha ha ha! (translation: “Funny”…in Jack speak)