I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

These pigs are after me

There’s a song that Jack listens to that has the line “these pigs are after me” in it. He’s been saying “these kids are after me” for the longest time so I haven’t worried too much about it. Just this morning, however, he says “Wait, does that say PIGS??”. I say “yeah…”. He says “Oh” and keeps on singing. So I don’t say anything further. It’s an animal. He knows that. Why confuse him with cops and pigs and fuzz and doughnuts all the other fun words that go with “police”, right?

Jack: Can you carry my towel?

me: My hands are full, you have to grab it please.

Jack: Why can you NOT do one thing to help me! (he stomps up the stairs in a big huff) All you do all day is sit on the couch eating doughnuts and watching TV anyway! Hmmmppfffhhh!

me: (yes between working full time and taking care of your rude butt I have time to sit and eat doughnuts. I wish…) Your towel is still down there. Go get it.

Jack: (Gives me a withering stare and picks up his towel.)


me: Hey, did you tell Jack that I sit around all day eating doughnuts?

Dennis: Ha! Uh, nooo.. Not you. We talked about cops doing that.

me: Uh huh…


4 responses

  1. Sounds like YOU’RE the pig to me.

    Oh my god I rule for totally pulling the two parts of the post together like that.


    July 13, 2011 at 10:39 pm

  2. pete

    Is jack listening to cypress hill? If so, I’m sure you have much, much more material to post here.


    July 14, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    • Hey you! How’s it going? Yeah I don’t think I’d actually approve of Jack listening to them just yet. But thanks a lot for getting the line “Insane in the Membrane” stuck in my head again. Only took 15 years to get it out. 🙂


      July 14, 2011 at 9:23 pm

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