I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Subaru Confessions

All of this happened in the car. Really.

—————————————-

me: How was your day?

Jack: Well, my friend was rude, so I was rude back.

me: And how did that help?

Jack: It made me feel better.

me: Maybe you should just walk away.

Jack: Then he was shooting me with his finger, so I shot him back. Then he hit me so I hit him.

me: How about you let your teacher know if someone is bothering you so much that you feel like hitting them. BEFORE you hit them. Even if they hit you first.

Jack: Mom, remember how you told me Do to others that I would have them do to me?

me: Yes…

Jack: Well, he was doing to ME what he wanted ME to do to HIM! So I did it! Sheesh.

me: Uh…

—————————————-

me: Geez, where are we? Did I miss the exit?

Jack: (shaking his head) Main Street! Look at the signs. I never knew of a mother that didn’t read signs.

—————————————-

me: So, do you still want to be a doctor when you grow up?

Jack: I want to operate one of those cranes that picks up the heavy things, ya know? (he gets a faraway look in his eyes)

—————————————-

Jack: Can I watch a video when we get home?

me: Maybe after dinner… I’m not sure if we’ll have time…

Jack: I wish we could watch a video!

me: I said maybe.

Jack: No, you said “If you wish it , you can make it happen” So I WISH I COULD WATCH A VIDEO!

—————————————-

Jack: This is weird.

me: What are you doing back there?

Jack: What makes my penis stick up like this?

me: (sigh) It’s full of blood. I guess it’s excited.

Jack: BLOOD??? WHO WOULD BE EXCITED BY A PENIS FULL OF THAT!

me: Sigh…

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13 responses

  1. Marie

    OMG! LMAO!! OMG I can’t stop laughing! Who would be excited by that! HAHAHAHA

    Like

    July 18, 2011 at 10:25 pm

  2. I SO remember the penis sticking out milestone. Being the awesome parents we are we explained to Noah that what he was experiencing was called, “morning wood” and he should expect it to occur every day upon awakening.

    Like

    July 18, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    • LOL! Yes, It has been making a daily appearance since about age 2! At which age, btw, Jack became visibly excited when our pretty Brazilian cleaning girl showed up at the house. What am I in for???

      Like

      July 19, 2011 at 9:41 am

  3. klsprout

    First time visiting your blog, but I love it! I’ll be back often…

    Like

    July 18, 2011 at 11:43 pm

  4. The last one made me giggle…and I’m hoping that he won’t know why girls are excited about that being full of blood for a long while…I hope he doesn’t find out for another 40 years….maybe 50 years. :0)

    Like

    July 19, 2011 at 12:47 am

  5. Penis full of blood. OMG. Too funny!

    Like

    July 19, 2011 at 3:57 pm

  6. john

    We just took him out for icecream this weekend, no wonder he was checking out that girl at the counter.

    Like

    July 19, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    • He checks out every girl at every counter. Ever. Then whispers “list” to me and covers my eyes. Sigh.

      Like

      July 19, 2011 at 7:34 pm

  7. Nicole

    whatttt is with this cousin of mine and the girls!

    Like

    August 16, 2011 at 11:23 pm

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