I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Try to get a boy out of the house

me: Are you excited that Daddy is going to help chaperone your school trip today?

Jack: I’m not going.

me: Why not?

Jack: I hate baseball. We’re going to the pool.

me: Okay… Dennis is that true?

Dennis: Yeah I’ll take him somewhere… Hey Jack, you almost ready to go?

Jack: No, I’m playing. (he’s building an aircraft carrier out of blocks in the basement)

me: Jack, don’t you want to get ready and go do something fun?

Jack: I am doing something fun. I don’t want to go anywhere today.

Dennis: That’s why I took the day off from work.

me: Jack, let’s go outside in a minute and then you and Daddy can get going. (the closer he is to the car, the easier it is to get him in it)

Jack: Okay, let’s go outside! I’ll go to the pool later!

me: Well…

Dennis: Jack, we’re going soon otherwise it will be too hot.

Jack: Who wants to race me and my bike! (he starts zooming around the driveway)

me: 10 minutes Jack.

Jack: Can I go see if Dina can come over?

me: Okay, but you’ll only have a few minutes to play with her.

Jack: (coming back to our house) She’s not home…

me: Okay, well, let’s go get your bathing suit…

Jack: I’m hungry!

me: We can have a quick snack too. Back into the kitchen.

Jack: Can I have more than just cheese? I want bologna, ham, and crackers with hummus.

me: Sheesh. Here you go… How can you even be hungry after what you ate yesterday?

Jack: It’s how my body works. That’s all. (he devours everything)

me: Well I packed your bathing suit and sunblock and the other stuff you need. You and Daddy should get going.

Jack: Daddy’s eating lunch now.

me: Oh.

(10 minutes later)

me: Everyone ready to go?

Jack: Can you and Jonathan come to the pool? (he’s my nephew)

me: No I have to take him to the airport, so you might not see him again. Say bye now.

Jack: Do I have to brush my teeth before I go.

me: (I just look at him)

Jack: Awwww! (he runs to brush)

Dennis: Can we go please??

Jack: Okay, all done. But wait! I want to change into my bathing suit FIRST! Daddy has HIS on.

me: Jack it’s packed, you can change when you —

Jack: (tearing into the bag) No I’ll do it now.

me: Sigh.

Dennis: Does he have water?

me: Yeah. You have to put his clothes into the bag now.

Dennis: Sigh.

me: He needs sneakers.

Dennis: Sigh.

So what did that take? Maybe two hours? That’s about what I expected. Getting Jack moving is like watching a glacier melt.

 

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