What sh*t does Jack say at breakfast?

1. After today you are officially my servant.

2. I hate being naked in the morning.

3. What’s funnier: A raccoon surfing or a hotdog riding a motorcycle?  …  How should I know, I asked YOU!!

4. Can I unlock your body, so I can get the shrink ray out and make me small…because you eat my toy planes and stuff.

5. Lift up your arm. Ewww gross! You should really shave again.

6. I’d like to shake the hand of the genius that invented that cat climber toy!

7. I peed on my undies just a little bit, but it will evaporate.

 

I forgot to mention, this is all from TODAY! Sheesh.