I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

The good, the bad, and the Rapper’s Delight

(My post from last night, which was rotting here in my WordPress drafts…sigh…)

Yesterday was an excellent day. The weather was great, Jack had a most amazing day at school (his 5th in a row for those of us that are counting, yay!), and I had a very relaxing time NOT going to work. Can’t beat it with a stick.

We had a great afternoon as well. Jack was able to watch some of the tamer Looney Tunes that I have on DVD. (some are just evil, you know which ones I mean). He was in Heaven. We even compromised: Watch a few videos, then homework, then another video, then read while I make dinner, then eat, bath, then my TKD class (which Jack now has to attend with me). Then bed. Jack was an amazing helper with the dishes, cleaning up his toys, getting dressed, etc. I was just floating around on a cloud of bliss. Until I started to sing. (you would think I’d have learned by now)

me: Said a hip hop a hibby to the hibby… (see 4:21)

Jack: (in the bath) What did you say?

me: Oh that’s just an old song from like the 80’s (1979 gasp!).

Jack: Sing it louder!

me: (all the encouragement I need of course) Okay, here goes… (and I busted out my best Rapper’s Delight verse super fast to impress my young and impressionable audience)

Jack: I want to learn it!

me: (warning bells) Ummm, it takes a LONG time to learn something like that.

Jack: I WANT TO LEARN IT NOW!!!!!!!

me: Stop screaming! Okay, we’ll break it into two parts. Here’s the first part… (I sing it slowly)

Jack: Said a hop hop…WAIT YOU’RE GOING TOO FAST!!!

me: Slow down. Think like a bunny. Hip Hop.

Jack: (climbing out of the tub) Said a hip hop hoppy. WHAT IS THE REST OF ITTTTTT!!!

me: This isn’t working Jack.

Jack: Record it on my recording pen!!! Get me a TOWEL!!

me: I said stop yelling. Ask nicely please! (I proceed to use his voice changing pen to sing the entire verse and now Jack can spin the dial and make me sing like a chipmunk or like the devil. His choice.)  Here you go, practice on your own.

Jack: Fine! I will!

Jack proceeded to try and teach himself this song in 10 minutes. It took me two years to get the lyrics down. I heard him screaming and crying and pushing the damn button on the pen over and over, my poor little white boy. He was rapping. I left the bathroom because I couldn’t stand it anymore. No one should force themselves to learn something in 5 goddamned minutes. But that’s my boy. Remember this?

(A few minutes later…)

Jack: I got it! I got it! (he runs out in his underwear) Listen!! Said a hip hop a hibby to the hibby the hip hip a hop you don’t stop a rockin to the bang bang boogie said up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogedy beat!

me: (stunned) Wow.

Jack: I did it! Ha ha!!!

me: I’m amazed Jack. Was it worth all the fuss though? You were freaking out in there, and it was a little bit upsetting to see you like that. It took me months and months to learn that.

Jack: Yeah, but it only took me a few minutes. Now I feel better. (he tosses the pen at me and walks away all smug)

I can only imagine what type of adult Jack will grow up to be. He’ll probably rule the world.

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2 responses

  1. He’s going to be like my first boyfriend who only needed 2 lessons before he was told he could take his driving test. I was so sickened with jealousy that I didn’t bother doing mine until I was 27…

    Like

    September 13, 2011 at 2:00 pm

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