I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

A big hefty shot of rude

Today I had to go to the health center to get my shots for my upcoming trip to Russia. (Two weeks sans Jack…what will I do???) My regular doctor can’t, or won’t, give out any travel-related inoculations. So off we went today after school, Jack sitting with a snack and a book in the backseat, and me reading my blurry Google map. No GPS yet. Anyway this is a main sort of health center that treats a variety of, shall we say, cases… I was ushered past a few different waiting rooms to the empty travel vaccine waiting room. The other rooms were quite full.

Jack: I can’t wait to watch YOU get shots Mommy.

me: Watch how brave I’ll be. For some reason shots don’t bother me.

Jack: Well they bother ME!

me: I just think about something else. Now be a good boy while they do the shots okay?

Jack: (adjusting his halo) Okay Mommy.

The nurse calls me in, and prepares 4 shots. (ugh). I would rather be safe then sorry on this trip so I opted to get everything that she recommended.

Nurse: Now how old are YOUUUU? (I ignore her thinking she’s talking to Jack) Uh, excuse me…Ma’am? How old are you?

me: Oh sorry… I thought you were talking to my son.

Jack: Ha ha ha, Mommy’s so old she doesn’t know to pay attention. (he and the nurse have a good laugh over this one)

me: Very funny.

Jack: BUURRRRRPPPP! (the nurse jumps)

me: Jack!

Jack: (silence, while the nurse looks horrified)

me: Jack!!! Where are your manners.

Jack: Oh, Excuse me. It’s okay because my mom farts in my face all the time.

me: JACK!!! Can you stop being so rude!!?? I’m sorry, I’m not sure what’s gotten into him. (I stare daggers at him)

Nurse: I have grandchildren about his age, so none of this fazes me.

me: Oh, good. Geez, he’s usually not so blatantly rude. (yeah right)

Jack: I’ll just go read these books near the door okay?

me: Please do! (he wanders over to a rack of pamphlets)

Nurse: All set.

me: Thank you.

Jack: (reading from a pamphlet) Mom! What’s oral sex if you’re a gay man with STDs? What does that stand for??

me: GAAAHHHHH! Give me that!!!

I dragged him out mildly horrified at what else he might have been reading in that 2-minute span. Do we ALWAYS have to be on guard? Always?? I know the answer is yes, I just wanted to vent.

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16 responses

  1. You know it’s bad when you can’t even relax in the doctor’s office while you’re getting a shot. BTW, you can tell Jack he owes me a new keyboard for making me spit out my Diet Coke all over the keys. πŸ˜‰

    Like

    October 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    • Omg, so VERY sorry about that! He owes a lot of things to a lot of people, I’m afraid…

      Like

      October 5, 2011 at 11:02 pm

  2. That had to be an interesting trip home!
    LOL

    Like

    October 5, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    • You know, he didn’t even mention it again. It’s SO random with these kids. I was braced for the questions too!

      Like

      October 5, 2011 at 11:02 pm

  3. It was unintentional but I laughed so hard at that last part. I would have probably wished the earth had swallowed me whole by then.
    And in general? Getting shots suck. πŸ˜‰

    Like

    October 6, 2011 at 3:00 am

    • Glad we could pass along a funny. πŸ™‚ I sometimes wonder what I used to do before this blog!

      Like

      October 6, 2011 at 9:56 pm

  4. That’s funny. Why you going to Russia if I may be so nosy? πŸ™‚

    Like

    October 6, 2011 at 10:58 am

    • Thanks! I’m going for “pleasure” actually. My younger brother and I are taking 2 weeks to see Moscow and St. Petersburg. πŸ™‚ Without Jack. 😦

      Like

      October 6, 2011 at 9:57 pm

  5. Haha you never fail to make me laugh! You’re going to have some hilarious stories to remind him of when he’s older! πŸ™‚

    Like

    October 6, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    • See? And how would I have EVER remembered all of this if I hadn’t started blogging. Man. I could have written a journal, but handwriting is SOOO hard!

      Like

      October 6, 2011 at 9:58 pm

  6. OMG i can’t stop laughing…he is very curiuous…that is what I am so not looking forward to answer my kids questions about this type of stuff at this age…hehe I’m still in aww how you handle this. :0)

    Like

    October 6, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    • In awe?? Of me? I just made a new best friend! ha ha. I sometimes think I’m failing miserably at parenting. Like tonight for instance…I had zero patience with everything and Jack went to bed cranky and I jumped in the shower still pissed off. After I calmed down I went to his room and apologized so he wouldn’t have to go to sleep with all that negativity. I’m not perfect but it helps to be able to say when I’m wrong. Not sure if he bought it or not LOL!

      Like

      October 6, 2011 at 10:01 pm

      • YAY!!! A new best friend. :0) and I don’t know you can never tell with jack. :0)

        Like

        October 8, 2011 at 11:08 pm

      • Lol!!!

        Like

        October 10, 2011 at 1:50 am

  7. John Phillips

    Omg !!! I started cracking up when i read that. I was reading the first part and it seemed like a normal day and then…… WTF

    Like

    October 6, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    • Luckily he hasn’t mentioned it again. Whew! If it was still in his brain, he would have been asking about it all night.

      Like

      October 6, 2011 at 10:02 pm

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