I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

8 things that were said to me today…by a 6-year-old

Most were reprimanded, some were not because I was laughing too hard.

8. Move it you glandular freak. (I will blame Calvin and Hobbes for all smart sounding rudeness)

7. Oh no, I’m not falling for your explanation for anything today, so don’t even try it!

6. I know you said if I asked if I could watch Sponge Bob one more time I would lose a sticker on my chart, but this isn’t technically asking because I’m TELLING YOU THAT I’M GOING TO WATCH IT…OKAY?

5. I just realized that I wore my pajamas to school. But it’s okay, no one noticed.

4. It’s clearly quite rude of you to force your own son to eat salmon when you know he hates it and only eats it raw. (said while glowering at me at the dinner table)

3. Mom! Joe dragged me across the room by my feet and no one cared and you didn’t even try to help me. (pause) And NO I didn’t ask for it, he just DID it because he’s bigger than me!!

2. A tiny tear trickled out of his eye when his mother would not let him watch any more Netflix. (Jack sort of said this with a British accent and then traced one finger down from his eye like a tear, which made me almost pee in my pants laughing.

1. Are your maladjusted tendencies a product of your berserk pituitary gland? (again, Calvin I thank you..)

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6 responses

  1. Children are brilliant! My 7 year old has more 1 liners than Michael McIntyre. Very funny.

    November 15, 2011 at 2:39 am

    • Agreed! 🙂

      November 15, 2011 at 3:43 pm

  2. Wow! Does he sit there and memorize the Calvin and Hobbes books?

    November 15, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    • Uh, yes actually…

      November 16, 2011 at 10:42 pm

  3. I would laugh myself into straight jacket if my kids were that funny.

    November 15, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    • And he thinks he’s even funnier than he actually is! Can’t wait to see what the future holds…

      November 16, 2011 at 10:43 pm

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