Jack is asleep. I will be in a few minutes. I might nod off as I’m typing this.
Earlier this evening:
It was about 7pm. Jack wanted to have a cookie for dessert. I looked at the clock to see how close to bedtime it was. I was about to say yes. Jack took my hesitation as a “no” and proceeded to have a little fit and walked over and hit me. Don’t you just love it!??
me: (oh I tell it straight up)…aaand, just for your information, I was just about to say yes to the cookie until you hit me. Next time please think about how you react.
Jack: (gasps in horror) Whaaattt??? But I’m sorrrrrryyyyyyyy!!! (he then flings himself on the floor in the most pitiful fit of crying that I’ve seen in weeks)
me: Maybe you’ll learn from this Jack.
Jack: But I’m sorryyyyyyyy! Can I have a cookie because I didn’t mean it? Waaaahhhhhhh!
me: No.
Jack: (cries and carries on for about 10 more minutes) But, but, but, you said you were about to let me!!!
me: Well that was about 10 minutes ago, and now it really is too late, so either way you’re not having one. Next time think before you use your hands on me.
Jack: Waaahhhhhhh!!! (much rolling around on the kitchen floor)
me: How do you think you would feel if I smacked you every time I was upset about something, huh?
Jack: (stops, gets up and charges at me)
me: Whoa! (I jump up and push him under my legs and he goes flying onto the rug). What the heck are you doing?
Jack: If I can’t have a cookie then I’m going to eat you! (He comes at me chomping his teeth like a mini zombie. I start cracking up)
me: Hey, get those chompers away from me!! (we wrestle to the ground) If you want to bite, here, bite yourself! (I feed his own hands into his mouth)
Jack: GAAHHhhhhhh!!! No fair. Must bite Mommy!
me: Must bite self! You’re so hungry for cookies that you’re eating your own wrists! How’s that taste!? (the cats run for cover)
We wrestle from the kitchen to the hallway and into the living room. He really was burning off some energy. I made him tickle himself and then I “play” spanked him for awhile until he was cracking up. I told him I was gonna tickle him until he peed. He kept trying to gnaw on me like a piranha. After awhile we both stopped, gasping and out of breath.
me: Okay, time out. (pant pant)
Jack: Still no cookie?
me: Nope.
Jack: Isn’t that my reward for not eating you?
me: Nope. Do you think you deserve a cookie?
Jack: No… But next time don’t keep me cooped up all day. I’m starting to lose my mind in here!
Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now) 