…Just let him sit on the bus next to Steven. Wait until I get my hands on this kid.
Jack: Mom, Steven taught me ALL different kinds of bad words today. The REAL ones that only grown ups say.
me: Wow, how fun that must have been! What did you learn?
Jack: (warily eyeing me from the back seat) You know, I promised SWEAR TO GOD that I wouldn’t tell anyone, so…
me: Those promises don’t carry over to Moms you know.
Jack: They don’t?
me: Of course not. Moms have to know everything. That’s how we keep our little boys and girls safe. You can always tell me even the Cross Your Heart secrets. They’re safe with me.
Jack: Okay. But, can I tell you the words?
me: I’d love to hear what Steven has to say…
(I’ll bleep them out but from this point on we have a PG-13 rating…)
Jack: Well the first one is A**Hole. Is that like your butt?
me: Kind of. But it’s pretty naughty no matter how you use it.
Jack: What’s a bastard?
me: Another naughty word.
Jack: Oh and this one’s GREAT! It sounds so funny. D**che Bag.
me: (Sigh) Okay, here’s the rule about these words. Sometimes grownups get angry and use bad words. Little kids sometimes hear these words and then tell them to their friends. It’s okay that you know about these words, but don’t ever say them out loud because you’ll get in trouble.
Jack: But we all said them to each other on the bus. No one got mad.
me: If the driver hears you, or a teacher, or even if one friend gets upset and reports you to the principal…whew…BIG trouble.
Jack: Just for words??? Why can’t they just say sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. Huh? You ever think of that?
me: Trust me, it just has to do with good manners and what’s appropriate for a little boy to say.
Jack: Well then, you can’t say Sh*t again when you forget your keys and we’re late for the bus!
(Sh*t, he heard that??)