I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Toning down the affection


(At the kitchen counter. Me, Jack and his friend. We’re all having a snack.)


Jack: Mom, you’re at RED now. You might want to watch it.

me: Oh sorry, didn’t realize.

Jack: I know, that’s why I’m warning you.

me: Thanks.


(Earlier that morning at the neighbors’ house, I’m watching Jack play with his friends.)


Jack: This is definitely an ORANGE situation. (He looks pointedly at me)

me: Oh! Okay…I’m just trying to be nice Jack.

Jack: Well, maybe not SO nice.


(A few days earlier at the bus stop.)


Jack: We’ll start at yellow.

me: That’s the lowest?

Jack: Yep.

me: I’m just complimenting her dress. Relax.


me: Sigh. Jack, I told you your clothes looked cute today too, remember?


Confused? Me too. Here is the KEY as Jack sees it:

YELLOW: This is a warning to let me know that I’m showing some affection to another child. Jack says this makes him jealous.

ORANGE: Clearly I didn’t heed the Yellow warning and now I’ve moved up the scale. A little more drastic action is needed. Perhaps I need to shower Jack with some hugs or tell him how handsome he looks.

RED: Clearly I’m replacing him with this other child. I need to stop all affectionate behavior and push the other child to the ground. And then high five Jack and tell him he’s the greatest kid on earth. Then buy him a $50 lego set. Or something to that effect.


4 responses

  1. This is hilarious! πŸ™‚


    June 11, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    • Welcome to my life! Oy…


      June 11, 2012 at 9:22 pm

  2. You have a very possessive little boy πŸ™‚


    June 14, 2012 at 9:19 am

    • Just a little bit. πŸ˜‰ Perhaps because he’s an only child??


      June 14, 2012 at 11:54 pm

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