I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

I ate a bug. A story by me, for Jack. With bonus photos.

This is probably going to be a longish post. Are you ready? Go get a snack. I’ll wait.

So I took a walk in the woods. Guess what happened? I ate a bug. It turned into a short story in my head and here’s the visual I had as inspiration. My two brothers and a dog:

 

Here’s the story. I wrote it so it would appeal to a certain 7-year old, and I actually had fun watching him read it. He was cracking up at certain parts which made me very happy.

Stay tuned for bonus photos at the end. Just to make sure you stay interested and up-to-date!

________________________________________

I Ate a Bug

If you take a walk in the woods, you can expect a lot of different things to happen. You could maybe trip on a rock, stub your toe, see a garden snake, jump over some poison ivy, cross a fallen log over a stream, go to the bathroom behind a tree, or even run away from an angry swarm of bees because you just happened to disturb their hive. Really. All of this could happen.

All of these things didn’t happen to me.  Only one thing happened to me.

I ate a bug.

I was walking along the path, talking to my brothers. Blah Blah Blah, not really paying attention to where I was going. I must have been telling a really good story because my mouth was open pretty wide. Blah Blah Blah.

My brother’s dog was walking along with us and she is the kind of dog that will bark at anything that moves. And I mean anything. A leaf, another dog, a cat, a squirrel, a twig, a fast-moving cloud, your shoelaces! It’s SO annoying to hear Yap Yap Yap the whole time you’re trying to take a walk in the woods. How can you enjoy nature with all that racket?

Where was I? Oh yeah, I was telling a story Blah Blah Blah, mouth wide open, when something flew right into my mouth and bounced off my tongue! I made a choking coughing sound and tried to spit out whatever it was that was IN MY MOUTH. Was it a fly? Gross! Was it a flying beetle? EWWW! Was it a (gasp) MOTH??

Whatever it was, this bug was not coming out of my mouth. It had a very strange taste. It was a green sort of taste that reminded me of salad. Bugs taste like salad?? How WEIRD? But not really that bad, if you know what I mean.

Here I am, coughing and choking, trying to spit this bug out of my mouth, and my brothers don’t even hear me because the dog is still going Yap Yap Yap the whole time! After a few minutes they finally realized that I wasn’t talking anymore, and they must have wondered why I was jumping up and down flapping my arms. They stopped and stared. I must have looked pretty funny hopping around making weird coughing noises. Even the dog quieted right down and stared at me.

The bug definitely did not come out of my mouth. I tried. Really I did. So, what other choice did I have?

I swallowed it. I swallowed a bug. I honestly and truly did.

Then the weird feeling went away. Nothing was crawling or creeping or flying in my mouth anymore. What a relief! Whew!

I started walking faster to catch up to my brothers. Once they realized that I was okay they turned and went back to walking the dog. Yap Yap Yap!! She started right up again with that racket. Sheesh!

I got back to telling my story (remember, from the beginning of THIS story?) and I was starting to Blah Blah Blah again with a big open mouth. This was a really good story that I was telling. I’m sure you would agree.

Suddenly, I felt a weird sensation in my throat. It seems that the bug that went DOWN was trying to get UP! The bug that was IN now wanted to be OUT! Not only did I eat a bug, but a bug was crawling in my throat! I started coughing and choking, trying to spit the bug out of my mouth … AGAIN!

This time, it worked!

So, technically, I ate a bug. But it didn’t last very long.

________________________________________

Jack: That’s a pretty funny story.

me: Thanks. I thought you might laugh so I decided to write it down.

Jack: Did you type it?

me: Yeah, that’s what you’re holding…the printout of what I typed.

Jack: Did you write it first and then type it?

me: No. I typed it as I wrote it.

Jack: Huh? How did you do both??

me: Noooo…I was writing it in my head and I just typed it into the computer.

Jack: You should always write your stories out first in pencil. THEN type them into the computer. Then you can make corrections first.

me: Good advice.

Jack: They made us do that in school. We always had to do everything twice. What a nuisance!

Well, now that Jack is out of school, I guess he won’t have to do everything twice. Except apply sunblock. Here are a few photos from Jack’s new camp, which he LOVES.

Jack also just passed his red belt test. Check out the belt order and see how many belts he has left before his black belt. Almost there!

This weekend we went to a nail salon with my friend and her daughter. Guess who had to have his big toes painted black? Of course I had to add a skull and crossbones to them when we got home.

I took Jack to my office on Monday before camp. He got to write on my chalkboard wall, play on my iPad and have a little fun with Mom before his first day out in the woods! He decided to have an impromptu dance party by himself. Complete with breakdancing on my rug.

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