I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

MacSeuss Time!

 

Jack: Can we do the MacSeuss?

me: Uh, what?

Jack: The MacSeuss, like we did yesterday?

me: I really have no idea what you’re saying.

Jack: (big huff) When I did the massage to you??? MAC-SEUSS!

me: Oh you mean when you were a maseusse!

Jack: What have I been telling you?

me: I thought it was a Dr. Seuss book or something. I don’t know. Sure, let’s play maseusse.

Jack: Okay, you first.

me: Me first as in I get a massage or I massage you?

Jack: Me first of course!

me: Uhhh, you first as in you get a massage first? Help me out here. Use a noun for Pete’s sake.

Jack: I. Get. A. Massage.

me: Ohhh, okay, here you go. (I feel his bony little body under my hands. He giggles a lot and squirms). You have to relax.

Jack: It tickles! Here, let me do you.

me: Be careful. No hurting. (he starts). No bum! Leave that alone.

Jack: How about legs.

me: Sure.

Jack: You know this is 2 dollars right?

me: For you to massage me?

Jack: Yeah. If you massage me again and do a good job, I’ll knock it down to a dollar fifty.

me: Wow what a deal.

Jack: That’s sarcasm.

me: You’re smart.

Jack: That’s sarcasm again. (now we’re cracking up)

me: Okay, so make it a good one if I’m paying you for this. Stop slacking off. I want at least 30 minutes like the professionals give.

Jack: Okay! How long have I been going?

me: 30 seconds.

Jack: Ohhhhh!!! (he flops over in exhaustion) 29 and a half minutes left??? That’s too hard. I’m tired!

me: How about 2 minutes?

Jack: Ok. (renewed vigor, he starts wailing on my back)

me: Ow! Hey!

Jack: That’s how the yoga teacher taught us to do it.

me: How do you remember that? You were in 1st grade!

Jack: You never forget something that feels that good.

me: Touché.

Jack: Huh? Nevermind. Hey, you know what? Isn’t it weird to think of aliens coming down and eating little kittens?

me: ???

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s