Sh*t a 3rd Grader Says
Jack: (showing me a long hair he just pulled from somewhere) Ewwwww, I think this just came from my neck!
me: That’s one of my hairs.
Jack: Oh, I knew I was too young to start shaving.
me: How was the 3rd day of school?
Jack: Oh, I got yelled at by the principal for stealing the ketchup at lunch.
Jack: I didn’t really steal it. There’s one bottle for everyone to share and I got tired of getting up and down so I just brought it to my table.
Jack: He’s fine with it now. Don’t worry.
Jack: My teacher is SO mean!
me: You said she was nice. What happened?
Jack: I got to know her, that’s what.
Jack: Uh, can I have a little privacy here?
me: While you put your shorts on?
Jack: Yeah, you don’t have to look at my privates you know.
me: I made those privates.
Jack: That doesn’t mean you own them your whole life!
Jack: Can I please please please get this toy and I promise I will listen and not give you any trouble for the rest of the week.
me: Sorry honey, I don’t have enough money for that toy.
Jack: Go to the bank and get some.
me: The bank only has money for me if I put money into it.
Jack: Huh?? The bank does NOT ever run out of money!!! It’s a BANK!!!