I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

How not to get killed in 3rd grade

me: (unpacking Jack’s backpack after school) Hey, did you use this water bottle at all? It’s still full.

Jack: Uh NOOOOO! You packed a TOY Story water bottle. How embarrassing! I would rather dehydrate.

me: You know, I thought of that as I packed it, but we were in a hurry. Sorry sweetie. I’ll only use generic water bottles ok?

Jack: Well, the Toy Story one is okay for home, you know?

me: I know. Did you eat your applesauce?

Jack: Oh yeah, how about not packing the MOST embarrassing spoon of all! I was picked on by the WORST kid in my class because of it.

me: What? I just gave you the small metal and green spoon.

Jack: Look closely. It has tiny reindeer on it.

me: Hahahahaha! Sorry, I didn’t know.

Jack: (not smiling) Are you trying to get me killed, or do you just hate me.

me: Sigh.

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