Crazy morning – and why moms say things 17 times
Here is a typical morning for me and Jack (and the cats):
(I get up and feed them and try to get another half hour of sleep before Jack wakes up. I no sooner lay my head down, or so it seems…)
Jack: I’m up early!
me: (sigh) I know. Is it even 6 yet??
Jack: Can I watch a video?
me: Get dressed first please.
Jack: But my clothes all the way up there! I’m down HERE.
me: Clothes then video. That’s why your shivering, no clothes silly.
Jack: Get me the hot water bottle then!
me: Get dressed.
me: If you’re dressed you can watch. I’ll go shower, then we’ll eat.
Jack: Take your time!
me: Yeah I know.
(I shower and start packing everything for our day: my gym bag, his lunch bag and backpack plus water bottle and snack and folder containing homework.)
me: Hey, you’re only half dressed. Come on Jack.
Jack: Huh? (he wouldn’t notice if the roof blew off while he’s watching Tuff Puppy)
me: Jack. Clothes please!
Jack: (He dresses with neck craned towards TV) Can I eat in front of the TV?
Jack: Don’t yell at me.
me: Sigh. I’m not yelling.Come on let’s go eat.
(we go in the kitchen, have breakfast and I wait for the real fun to begin…ever since Jack was little, the toothbrushing scenario is the one I like the least of all.)
me: Okay let’s go brush our teeth, wash your face and brush that hair.
Jack: That’s too many things! I’m going to play…(he wanders off…)
me: Jack come on! Don’t want to miss the bus!
Jack: Don’t yell at me!
me: Sigh! Let’s go.
(He comes in and shoots nerf darts at me for a few minutes while he loads his toothbrush and the counter up with toothpaste. I hear some brushing. It was over way too quick. I tell him that before kids turn 8 they must pass a tooth brushing test to make sure they can brush their own teeth as adults.)
Jack: (pauses with brush halfway to his mouth) Are you serious?
me: Totally! I’ll test you tonight if you’re ready.
Jack: But, but, I didn’t really do a good job just now. Let me go again.
me: Okay, consider this practice. (I have to remember to test him tonight)
(he brushes furiously)
me: Nice job. Here let me check. (Yes I check twice a day if I can.)
Jack: Hey do you know…
me: Let me do this Jack. No talking.
Jack: (GAHHGGGGG) cough cough you’re choking me!
me: Sigh, come on, only one row left. This should only take a minute or two, not 10.
Jack: Ow, that tooth hurts still!
me: Sorry. It’s coming in nicely though! Okay hold still.
Jack: (steps on my foot)
me: Ugh! Okay we’re done. Now wash up and brush your hair.
(same cycle of stalling repeats)
Jack: Oh no! It’s 7:50 we have to hurry!!!!
(he goes into panic mode even though he knows my clock is set fast for just this very reason)
Jack: Come on with your hair already.
me: I have to dry it! Go get your shoes on, put your water bottle in your backpack and get in the car. (I blow dry furiously)
(when I come out Jack is in the middle of the living room surrounded by army guys and making cheek explosions)
me: Ahhhh! Shoes! Bag! Car! Come on!
Jack: NOW you’re yelling.
I usually drive Jack down to the bus stop and then head to work right after it pulls away.
This was not our morning today. This was a typical day, but a made up day. Today Jack is with his dad in New York because it’s Columbus Day and there is no school. I did get woken up by the cats, but I was able to go back to sleep. I took a long shower and did my morning routine without interruption. I made actual coffee. I ate cereal with actual bananas (who has time to cut them up usually?) and I packed my gym back. I even made MY lunch. I looked at the clock. 7:30am.
I barely know what to do with myself, so I decided to blog. I had time. To blog. IN THE MORNING.
I’m finding that I don’t like the extra time. Seriously. I miss Jack running around causing mayhem at 6:15 a.m. I miss the milk spilled on the counter and the cereal bits under the chairs. I miss the glob of toothpaste on the sink and the guns scattered right in the middle of the hallway. Mostly I miss the noise. It’s way too quiet. I’m not good when it’s quiet.
I’m thinking of adopting. You heard it here first.