I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

The lucky urinal

(those are Lucky Charms btw)

When you have a boy, your conversations usually, no… always, have something to do with potty humor. Or bodily functions of some sort. Or both. This one made me laugh out loud today.

I’ll start at the beginning. So, we were at this gun store today trying to pitch some items to the gun store owner. Well, I was doing that while Jack browsed and looked at guns like a pro. The owner of the shop pulled out a pistol and showed it to Jack. “Do you know James Bond?” Of course Jack says no. So I say “007?” as if this will magically make Jack remember a movie he’s never even heard of. “Well” says the owner, “This is the very gun that James Bond uses in his movies. It’s a SPY gun.” Jack’s eyes get wide. “Do you want to hold it?” (Does he ever)

So Jack holds the gun and twists it around in his hands and has a look of awe on his face. The owner takes the gun back and says “You know, you just held that gun in a way that I’ve never seen a kid or an adult hold a gun when it’s first given to them.” (Huh?) “You were smart enough to keep your finger away from the trigger. Most kids especially like to hold the gun, take aim and pull the trigger, but you didn’t even put your finger on the trigger. Smart boy.”

Jack: Thanks. (he has a look of “I’m awesome” on his face now)

me: Okay time to go. (we get into the car) So, did you know what you were doing back there or was that sheer luck I was seeing?

Jack: Total luck. You always get lucky when you use the Wednesday urinal.

me: Sigh. (do I even want to know?) What. Is. A Wednesday urinal…?

Jack: The boy’s bathroom has 5 urinals, so we give one to each day of the week. If you use the right urinal, you’ll have luck all day!

me: Do you really believe that?

Jack: Look what just happened in the store!

me: Okay, okay. What happens if you use the wrong urinal.

Jack: Well! The other day, Joey used the Thursday urinal on a MONDAY! How dumb is that?? And he totally had to go to the principal’s office.

me: For using the wrong urinal? (I’m joking of course)

Jack: Noooo, duhhhh! Because of something else totally. But now I’m not telling you.

me: Fine, sorry. I was just kidding.

Jack: Now that it’s the long weekend we have to go right back to the Monday urinal. I don’t know how bad it’s gonna be that we had to skip the Thursday and Friday ones.

(he shakes his head and gets a worried look on his face)

Jack: How old do I have to be before I can get a pellet gun?

me: 35.

Jack: Heeeyyyyyyy!

(And as I was looking for an image of a “lucky urinal” I came across this! Fun scribbler by Ze Frank. Enjoy: http://www.zefrank.com/scribbler/)

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