I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

I’ve been given some resolutions

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I should’ve seen this coming.

me: Good morning! Happy New Year!

Jack: Happy new year! You get a massage! (He starts karate chopping my back)

me: Yay! That’s my New Years resolution. To get more massages.

Jack: I already have a list of resolutions for you.

me: You do? Okay let’s hear em…

Jack: Welll you should be nicer to me. That’s one.

me: Yeah I see where this is going.

Jack: Eat less calories. (He starts squishing my stomach)

me: Heyyy that’s all muscle!

Jack: Be less annoying. And learn to cook better.

me: Gee, thanks. What about your resolutions?

Jack: I’m only 8. Nothing’s messed up yet.

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