I’ve been given some resolutions
I should’ve seen this coming.
me: Good morning! Happy New Year!
Jack: Happy new year! You get a massage! (He starts karate chopping my back)
me: Yay! That’s my New Years resolution. To get more massages.
Jack: I already have a list of resolutions for you.
me: You do? Okay let’s hear em…
Jack: Welll you should be nicer to me. That’s one.
me: Yeah I see where this is going.
Jack: Eat less calories. (He starts squishing my stomach)
me: Heyyy that’s all muscle!
Jack: Be less annoying. And learn to cook better.
me: Gee, thanks. What about your resolutions?
Jack: I’m only 8. Nothing’s messed up yet.