I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

When a massage feels like a trip to Disney

Jack: Massage time!

me: Awesome!

Jack: (voraciously clawing at my scalp) How’s this??

me: Oh it’s really good! But could you be a little gentler? I’m missing some clumps of hair…

Jack: (using a fake tour guide voice) Once the massage has started you need to be quiet.

me: Ok ok (I start laughing)

Jack: Now for the bonus massage!

me: (he hooks a corner of my eye with one little finger) Owww! You got my —

Jack: (interrupting in the tour guide voice) Please hold all comments until you have exited the massage. Or else will ignore them. Thank you.

Sigh, maybe I can get a fast pass?

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