Jack has been waking up at the ungodly hour of “anytime before 6” for a few days here and there. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s lighter out (need that room-darkening curtain), or if it’s the cats or the hamster waking him? Or he’s just excited to get in a few more hours of “video or game” time. Well, I had let him watch a video the first time. Then I thought “hey, he’s jumping out of bed way too early and I’m sort of rewarding him. I told him the TV can’t go on until after 6:30 and that’s only if he’s already done with everything that’s needed for school: eaten, fed cats, cleaned up both messes, brushed teeth, dressed, backpack packed up, etc. So then he was like Heeeyyyyy, this isn’t as much fun. So he started sleeping a little later. I told him if it happens again, we are going on a family walk. It’s finally nice out! And I don’t need the extra hour of sleep! hahahaa, you can see I’m delirious can’t you? And it took me 3 tries to type delirious correctly. Sigh.
So, today is that day. I heard him mucking about at 5:30. Yes, 5:30!!! He came down and banged into my room saying “I’ll just play my game for awhile after I eat! I’m starrrrving!”. I told him the kitchen doesn’t open until 6. He went back upstairs and played until 5:59. Then “bang”! My door opens.
Jack: It’s almost 6. Can I eat?
me: Go ahead.
(he runs into the kitchen and then I groaningly get up to help him. Not that I have to, but I realized that I need to enforce the family walk!)
me: When you’re done eating go and get your shoes on.
Jack: (pauses with spoon halfway to his mouth) Whaaa?
me: Family walk.
Jack: Nooooo, I will not go! You’ll have to drag me.
me: So be it. First let me show you the correct way to clean up that cereal bowl when you’re done. The cereal does not go in the sink it goes in the trash. The milk does not go in the trash it goes down the sink.
Jack: Sigh. I’m still not going.
me: You’re going.
Jack: Can I ride my scooter?
me: Sure.
Jack: Yay! I’m going outside right now!
me: Okay I’ll be out in a sec.
Jack: (puts his shoes on and runs outside, then runs back in…) It’s FREEZING out mom! I need a jacket, but it’s Spring so I’m NOT wearing a jacket so I guess we aren’t going.
me: Wear a sweatshirt.
Jack: Sigh
me: Actually, here, wear this
Jack: This is a sweat JACKET, not a shirt.
me: Let’s go.
(We walk outside for awhile. Jack is chattering and singing the entire time. Waking up the birds, I tell him. ha ha. Actually I couldn’t hear the birds over his chatter…)
me: Shhhhh, you’re waking up the entire neighborhood.
Jack: (singing in a raspy deep bluesy voice) So I tell myself, what a wonderful mush.
me: Wonderful world.
Jack: I know. But you’re mushy.
me: Say “soft”. It sounds nicer please. By the way, this is ALL muscle boy!
Jack: Soft mushy muscle. (starts singing) Nugget biscuit nugget in a biscuit!!! (click and listen if you dare!!!)
me: Sigh. Shhhhh. I’m trying to hear the nice bird songs.
Jack: Here, I have a joke for you. Well it’s not really a joke. Do you know that a real pickle is only a pickle if it bounces?
me: Huh? Fake pickles don’t bounce?
Jack: Yeah, only real pickles bounce.
me: What if I buy a jar of real pickles and one of them doesn’t bounce. It’s a fake?
Jack: Yeah.
me: What kind of logic is that?
Jack: How should I know?? I’m not the GOVERNOR!
(and so on and so forth.)
Sh*t My 18-Year-Old Says 