I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Contractions are words too!

me: Jack, don’t expect to buy a toy at the grocery store. We are only getting food.

Jack: I know I know! Can I just look in the toy aisle????

me: Just look. With your eyes.

Jack: (a few minutes later) I found the perfect thing! I NEED one of these! (Small cheap plastic knife, grenade and watch set)

me: No toys, put it back please. Plus you have that grenade at home. You throw it at me like every other day.

Jack: I do NOT! I lost it. I NEED THIS!!

me: Sorry, no.

Jack: You’re the worst!

me: Watch it…

Jack: ( A few minutes later) Just hear me out. So this is a real actual video game in this little plastic box. It’s really what I’ve always wanted and it’s only $2.00!

me: It’s junk and we’re not buying toys. Put it back.

Jack: Noooo I really really want this!!!

me: This is me asking twice now.

Jack: (shrieks and starts to cry).

me: If I ask again you’re getting a punishment for not listening.

Jack: Why are you so mean??!

me: When we get home I want 25 “I will listen the first time”. Got it? I’ll add more if you’d like.

Jack: (shrieks again and puts the toy back) But I didn’t even DO anything and you’re punishing me!!! NOT FAIR!!!

Somehow we make it home and I actually make lunch. Jack cheers up after he eats.

Jack: And now for my punishment. (He starts writing furiously with a fat red sharpie marker).

me: It’s not an art project. Pencil please before that gets all over everything. Let me see what you’ve done.

Jack: What?

I look down at his punishment sheet and notice he’s abbreviated “I will” to “I’ll”, and then used one continuous line down the page for each straight letter. Sheesh, what a cheater.

me: I asked for a full neat sentence.

Jack: You didn’t say no contractions!

me: Railroad tracks aren’t letters Jack.

Jack: But it’s neat!

me That’s debatable…

See for yourselves. The best part is that while he was being so clever he actually wrote more than I asked. Haha.


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