I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Sh*t My Mom Says

me: (dropping all of the mail in the driveway) $%&@!  (mutter mutter)

Jack: I heard that

me: I said Fart.

Jack: No you didn’t. I heard you.

me: Jack I was just muttering.

Jack: I heard the F.

me: Yes the F in fart. Stop making me say fart. Hey, did you get a new bus driver?

Jack: Yeah! How did you know?

me: I just saw her when you got off the bus, remember?

Jack: Oh! haha. My friend’s mom wrote a letter to the bus company because the driver called him an Ass and so he got fired.

me: He called him an Ass? And he called you guys a bunch of jackasses I remember.

Jack: (pauses looking at me)

me: … Aaaaand we’re swearing at each other in conversation as if it’s normal. Please don’t say the A word again okay? Just say A. Sheesh. And stop tricking me.

Jack: (cracks up because I totally let him swear)

me: Sighhhh…

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