The Last Subaru Confessions of 2014

Jack: (munching away) Oohh look, I can turn these pretzels into alphabet letters.

————————-

me: Are you tired?

Jack: No.

me: Are you hungry?

Jack: No.

me: Are you scared?

Jack: No.

me: Then what are you?

Jack: Awesome.

————————-

Jack: Remember when we used to hate each other? Like in 3rd grade? Now we’re brothers from another mother…

Friend: We’re gonna live together and probably do something stupid like burn the house down!

Jack: Hashtag evicted!!

————————–

Friend: You are the most awesome mom in the world! You just called me a squirrelly mofo!! Dude, I never heard a mom say that…