I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

How to conduct a spelling test with a 5th grader

Jack: I’m going next doooooorrrr! (He runs for the door)

me: Wait, wait, homework!

Jack: I don’t have any. I forgot it. 

me: Those are completely opposite statements. How did you forget your homework?

Jack: I forgot to check my mailbox. We’re soooo busy! We had testing too!

me: Jack… Come on..,What was your homework supposed to be?

Jack: Spelling.

me: Ok. I’ll read your spelling words to you and if you spell them all correctly you can go outside and play next door.

Jack: Yay!

me: Trifold

Jack: T R I F O L D

me: Good. Semicircle.

Jack: I can’t wait to go outside. These are easy!

me: Ahem.

Jack: S E M I  DASH C I R C L E

me: Dash? Try again.

Jack: S E M I C I R C L E

me: Yep. How about Biweekly?

Jack: So can we go to Walgreens tomorrow and get that nerf gun?

me: (stare)

Jack: Sigh. B I W E E K L Y!!! Sheesh.

me: Good. Now try—-

Jack: (interrupting) Can we?

me: Jack let’s finish up. Midafternoon. Why aren’t there hyphens in these? Is that right?

Jack. Finish up Midafternoon? I won’t have time to play!!!!

me: That’s the word you have to spell. 

Jack: Oh. M I D A F T E R N O O N.

me: Yes. Ok…Triangle.

Jack: Seriously? TRIANGLE!!!  So easy.

me: Yep. 

Jack: Walgreens? Can we?

me: Maybe. 

Jack: But—-

me: There are like 10 more stinking words here. You know them, we’re just going through the motions, I know, but you are finishing. Bisect.

Jack: Sheesh. B I S E C T. (Muttering) … Well I’m getting that gun tomorrow and you can’t stop me.

me: Sigh. And when do you expect to do your homework that you forgot? 

 Jack: In the morning like I always do. I mean… Um…
 

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