Jack and I are at the airport… It’s a great tiny airport in Westchester that has one baggage carousel. They don’t make you take your shoes off or take anything out of your bag in security. There are no lines. There are like two people in the security line. You hardly feel like you’re at an airport.
Except…
They have announcements. And BOY, what announcements they make over the two crackly speakers! Picture this… There are only two counters… Jet Blue and Delta. There are two security guards leaning against the wall. No lines to check your bags. But here’s what we heard in the twenty minutes we waited to board…or at least my version of it…
me: (mocking the announcement lady’s voice) We are now boarding the diamond platinum special premium explorers club with the sparkly silver bronze gold card, if you would kindly step up to the premium diamond gold window counter you’ll be ready to board immediately or at any time you wish throughout the premium boarding process.
Jack: (laughing) IT’S SO NOT WORTH IT PEOPLE!
me: For our premium service gold special members that are way more special than you, we have the platinum seating with sparklers that gives you extra leg room and a more comfortable flight during which you can review the gold plated status points that you’ve collected which are redeemable at any gold counter. Enjoy the extra legroom and premium sapphire reclining seats.
Jack: (yells out to the crowd) THEY GIVE YOU LIKE ONE QUARTER INCH MORE LEGROOM FOR FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS. I SAID IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!!
At this point I start cracking up and then we’re both laughing while people in the premium special sapphire line give us dirty looks and hurry to review the extra charges on their receipts.
Okay now…
TO THE BEACH!
Sh*t My 18-Year-Old Says 