I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Fourth of July Fatty

Jack: Wait, you bought a cake?

(As incredulous as this may seem…think – no sugar, I like to bake…yes I bought a tiny single layer chocolate cake with fluorescent red, white and blue “light” frosting. Because it felt festive, and because Jack and I weren’t going to any cookouts or having people over or even going to see fireworks. I had to do something.)

me: Yes, a cake.

Jack: Oh baby, I get two pieces!

me. After we eat real food first. 

(Sidebar: could you hear me yelling for Bella to get off the counter and stop licking the steak??? Dammit!)

Jack: Real food like hotdogs!

me: Of course!

So we ate hotdogs with sauerkraut and mustard the way nature intended, and Jack declared Sabretts to be superior to Nathan’s, and we had grilled zucchini, steak, and only a bite of potato salad because seriously we needed to save room for the cake!

Jack: Where’s the official cake cutter for the momentous occasion??

me: Here you go. Hey! Make it a slice sized slice… Not the entire cake. Sheesh. See my piece? Normal sized…

Jack: Whoa this is gooood!

me: Not bad… Haha look at your blue lips and tongue!

Jack: The red blobbys taste like strawberry!

me: They do?

He looks over at my empty plate.

Jack: Geez, savor it much??

Then he mimics me shoving the entire cake in my face with both hands while making the appropriate grunting smacking noises.

me: My piece was smaller wise guy…

Jack: I bet you didn’t even taste it!

me: Sigh… 

Last night we went to a carnival which was a lot of fun. Jack wasn’t allowed to have cotton candy because he had a giant ice cream cone earlier! So much for no sugar…

Jack: You wouldn’t let me get cotton candy, which I have only once a year, but you let me get this “fresh squeezed” lemonade which they dumped a big pile of sugar into. I bet the cotton candy has less sugar! Did Ya ever think of that?

me… Sigh… No…

            

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