I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Barbecue sauce, a breakdown and a bike ride.


How was your day? Sit down and I’ll tell you about mine. 

Mine started at 2 am. I had a dream that Jack and I were in a war. There were bombs flying and I was panicking because I knew Jack thought they weren’t real and I knew we were going to die if we didn’t run. He was play dodging bullets and I was screaming for him to stop and come with me. Relaxing eh? I guess that’s what you get when you pick up a Marine on Parris Island. Sheesh.

I had just shaken off the dream and dozed off when I heard Jack calling me. All the lights were on upstairs. Seems he had a bad dream too but couldn’t remember it. Weird!

So we went back to bed and naturally overslept! I woke up and immediately started racing around to get ready and make breakfast. So what do you think happens? My arm bumps the shelf on the fridge door as I’m closing it, and the shelf flips off the door and dumps all the bottles of condiments onto the floor. One extremely large bottle of BBQ sauce literally explodes and sprays the entire kitchen and the inside of my BRAND NEW FRIDGE! My fridge is so new that I still use a wet paper towel to clean the little milk stain on the top shelf when I see it forming. I mean I was being diligent!

And yeah, you know what BBQ sauce smells like when you’re not hungry right? You know it contains a lot of sugar that’s  really sticky, RIGHT?? And let me tell you, the splatter would have made Dexter drool! I mean it was beautifully sprayed into and across every surface. It was even under and inside cabinets. Crime scene worthy.

It was so bad I didn’t even want a photo to remember it by. I’m in denial that it ever happened as I’m writing this. Hee Hee…Of course my fridge still has that new fridge smell. Of course…It’s pristine! (Sob)

The fridge had to be entirely emptied. Every single thing had to be washed. I was so late. I was sobbing internally, just thanking the lord that it was a plastic bottle that exploded. Imagine a glass bottle? (Shudder)

Jack: Woah that’s a mess.

me: Ya think? (I was on my knees with wet paper towels sopping up the river.)

Jack: Can you get me the ketchup? 

me: Are you serious. Here. Geez.

Jack: I kind of didn’t want eggs. (He was looking down at his breakfast, ketchup bottle paused in mid air)

me: Now is not the time to give me any sort of grief about anything Jack. Got it? Look at me down here!

Jack: (I think he got the message) Good job cleaning Mom! Boy it really stinks in here.

BBQ smell never goes away. Ever. The floor will never not be sticky. The cats paws are even still sticky. Sigh.

The best part was that after I cleaned it all up I realized that I hadn’t looked at my own legs. Any guesses what they looked like? Bleh.

So I got us out the door and had a fun story to tell for the rest of the day. UGH!

After work I had to get Jack to do the last page of his summer math packet. Make that the “last problem”. Only one left. Just one! Hahahahahaha! How do you think that went.

Jack: And you better help me!

me: I’m right here Jack.of course I’ll help you. Be nice.  Just figure out how many pounds are needed for 20 people if this amount is for 8 people.

He did furious math for about 5 minutes. Then we went to check the math. Oops. Crap.

me: Oh…uh Jack …?

Jack: Wait, the sheet days for 28 PEOPLE AND YOU SAID FOR 20!!!!!! AAARRRGGGHHH!

me: Well geez I’m sorry I thought it said…

Jack: AAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGHHGGRRRGGH!!!!!!!!

me: HEY QUIET DOWN AND STOP SCREAMING!

Jack: YOU’RE A HYPOCRITE FOR SCREAMING AT ME!! Now I have to do it all over WWWWAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!

me: Oh my gosh Jack it took you 5 minutes. Just do the same thing but put 28 as the…

Jack:I’LL NEVER FINISH THIS AND I WANTED TO GO OUTSIDE WWAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

So instead I went outside. Even the birds flew away in a fearful panic. Geez can that kid scream. Is this what 7th grade math homework is going to be like??

Jack: I need your help.

me: Are you done yelling?

Jack: Yes

And then he whipped out the answer in 2 minutes. Sighhhhh. I really thought it said 20. Time for contacts.

Later today Jack went to a friends house while I rode my bike to my taekwondo class AND did the class AND rode home. Oh yeah. I’m a badass. Actually I’m a sore ass. :). I rode to Jack’s friend’s house to pick him up.

Jack: Where’s the car?

me: You can’t see it? (My bike was laying in the road.)

Jack: You RODE your bike to class? You’re so weird!!

me: Thanks. Sheesh.

And that was my fun day. At least I wasn’t sitting on a bus all day riding BACK to the Marines after a very short break, eh Jonathan? 😁👍❤️

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