Things said while I type this blog

Just in case you are considering blogging or writing of any kind, use this handy flow chart to help you choose a platform. I’m obviously on WordPress, but started on Blogger/Blogspot. I prefer WordPress now because I can customize the blog look (which I try to do at least once a year when I also update Jack’s age), and because it has many more features which I love! I’m kind of a control freak and I like to have things just the way I want them. WordPress gives me just enough customization with the right amount of built-in standard features to make blogging fun and easy. Love it! But hey, you might just want to belt out a few words a day, in which case you can spout it out on Twitter (for instance).

Jack and I were working on homework together. I was reading material for work, and he was reading a book for English. Or, rather, trying to read a book for English. He kept interrupting himself and then telling me to stop interrupting HIM. You know how that goes, eh?

………………………………

Jack: You should write a book.

me: About what? I’ve already sort of started one a few times.

Jack: A real book? Write about anything. Stop talking I’m trying to read.

me: Heyyy, you started the conversation!

………………………………

me: (whispering to myself) Maybe I should write another blog post…

Jack: Stop whispering! I’m trying to read!

………………………………

me: I’m visualizing $50,000 in my bank account by the end of the year. If you believe it, it will happen.

Jack: You should put your money in a retirement account.

me: I do. It’s a 401K.

Jack: Explain how that works…

(we talk for awhile about my accounts and how they get set up by your employers, etc, and how it’s best to pay yourself first, and anyone can live off of 10% less than their current salary and should put aside 10% for retirement or investments.)

Jack: I have to finish my English homework!

me: Hey you asked mister.

………………………………

me: Does that piece of paper say “Big brother is watching you?” What is that?

Jack: I found it in the book, so I’m keeping it as my bookmark. It’s staying with me.

me: Creepy. The face looks like Grandpa.

………………………………

Jack: (eyeballing me type this while he reads)

me: Mind your business, I’m writing a blog post. You can read it later. Sheesh.

………………………………

And there you have it. A typical night of me blogging and Jack doing homework. :()

 

 

 

The Signs Are Real

This is what I found as I walked through Jack’s room. 

Jack: You have been warned. 

Double the lightingness

Is that a word?

Jack: I love my room… I can’t believe I’m so used to it and I’m not in the other small room anymore.

me: I’m glad you like it. I had fun setting it up for you.

Jack and I are in his room right now getting ready for bed. Bella is hanging with us. Moca is in her crate snoozing already. She actually dragged her tired butt in there around 8:45 haha.

me: Can you hand me the Chap Stick and a tissue? (Still at the tail end end end of a nasty 3-week cold)

Jack: (hands me the stuff) This room is so functional! 

me: All we need is a mini fridge and a snack bar.

We always Joke that his new room is like a small apartment. Bathroom, TV, etc.

Jack: We could put the mini fridge next to you and it could double as a night stand.

me: Mhmm.

Jack: (going to pee) Awwwwww! That is rancid! Still smells like asparagus!!!

me: (bleh) Jack flush the toilet.

Jack: (coming back into the room without flushing) Nope, you told me not too.

me: That’s only for middle of the night so you don’t set Moca off thinking it’s morning.

Jack: (flops on the bed with his book) Ahhhhhhh! So functional. And I love this book light with the two lights. It’s like double the lightingness.

me: Hahaha…

Goodnight Moon, and other various things

  
Jack and I were reading Goodnight Moon before bed as a funny way to remember the times when he was little and we used to do those cozy kinds of things to relax. Goodnight Moon has a very nice cadence to it and the pacing if it is pretty soothing. Jack used to know it by heart and whenever I would stop reading, he would fill in the next word for me.

me: …goodnight comb, and goodnight brush, goodnight nobody, goodnight mush, and goodnight to the old lady whispering—

Jack: Anal cavity.

me: Come on, really?

Jack: Really, just think about it. How creepy is an old lady that’s whispering “anal cavity”….oooohhhh

me: Sigh. Goodnight Jack.

OMG, I made a person!

Jack and I were going to bed. I was tucking him in and kind of lingering, waiting for him to fall asleep. This is the time of day when all of his worries come flooding out. It’s usually a rough time, as I try to calm him down, alleviate any worries, and just try to get him to sleep. It doesn’t happen every night, but it happens enough that I try to head it off before it picks up steam!

Jack: Let’s talk 3D printing for a minute.

me: Ok, but make it quick…we need to get to sleep.

Jack: I loved printing the fish fossil today! Can I really go back and book time to print anytime I want?

me: Yeah, that’s the deal. If you get trained, you’re all set and just pay for the hours that you book. So we can book 2 hours per week. (This is something we set up at a local library. They gave us training on the printer and now we can go back anytime and print cool things like phone cases, little statues, and basically anything we can dream up that fits the printer.)

Jack: I can’t wait to print you the elephant phone case.

me: That’s gonna be so cool. It will take awhile though…because it’s kind of big and has interesting detail… (I’m glad he’s in a good mood..) OK, time to settle down and relax…

Jack: (rolls over to get comfy) But I’m such a loser at school!

me: (uh oh, need some quick redirecting) Hey Jack, guess what?

Jack: What?

me: You know what’s cool? Just a few years ago, you didn’t even EXIST! I had to make you, an actual person, and now you exist and have thoughts and stuff. Isn’t that cool?

Jack: No, that’s pretty regular and boring.

me: What? No way. You didn’t even exist, and now here you are with your own brain and your own thoughts, and the coolest part is that I made you. You didn’t even exist in the entire universe a few years ago!

Jack: If you want me to go to sleep just say so. Are you trying to bore me to death?

me: Sigh. Sheesh. Goodnight.

Jack: Goodnight.

That’s not exactly what he said, but it’s pretty close. I think he also said something about a banana being more interesting, or something. Geez. I’m all “making a human” over here!! Hellooooo! That’s pretty cool, and he can’t do it. So… HA! Goodnight.

 

 

Hey Followers! From: Jack

I do this every year! I say hi to all of my fans from around the world. So here we go!

So today I was looking at my list of views from around the world, and the top 2 places for views are: Place 1 – The U.S. of course with 953 views. Place 2 – Romania, with 516 views. It is just amazing that so many people from around the world care about an 11-year-old this much. I’m just astonished by how many people have viewed this blog and have followed and left comments. I didn’t know people liked me this much. (ha ha)

Anyways, just wanted to say hi, and see ya later.

Disclaimer: Do not attempt to reenact, recreate, reincarnate anything said in this short paragraph about followers. All my words are copyrighted by the U.S. patent office (totally made up) but SO real! If you attempt to copy what I say, it won’t be as funny as if I actually said it, AND WE’LL KNOW!! Because it was totally in my own words and I didn’t have a script writer. And I totally typed this myself super fast.

OK bye. (totally didn’t pull a “Frozen” there)

 

P.S. I totally helped Mom photoshop that new header up there. *point point*

No sell outs here!

  
After I stepped out of the shower I asked Jack to come in the bathroom. I pointed to the shelf of soaps and shampoos.

me: What’s this…

Jack: We are NOT going to have mindless product endorsements in THIS house!

me: Ah. So that’s why I washed my hair with conditioner.

Oh he’s gonna kill me for this one someday…

 

 

Jack: Mom, please please stop telling everyone what you call me at home.

me: What do you mean? I don’t tell anyone that…

Jack: You told Grandpa on Sunday!

me: No, actually he guessed.

Jack: But you told him it’s the opposite of this and it sounds like that, so basically you just told him!!

me: But it’s cute!

Jack: It’s emBARRASing!

me: Everyone has nicknames you know.

Jack: Not like that! Can you just use it at home, and maybe just in the morning or something when I’m not really awake??

me: Okay I’ll try.

Jack: Do you promise??

me: Of course I do. I don’t want to embarrass you, but I love you and I just sometimes call you nicknames. It’s a hard habit to break. Plus you’re so cute.

Jack: Oh brother…

me: Okay time for bed. Get in there…

Jack: Do we have school tomorrow?

me: Who the heck knows. Can you hear that wind?

Jack: I measured the snow with my toothbrush and it almost went ALL the way up the handle!

me: Clever… Did you bring it back in?

Jack: Yeah, but it’s down in the basement because I was watching the movie while I brushed.

me: Sigh. Okay, all tucked in and toasty?

Jack: Yeah (big yawn) I’m tired.

me: Get some rest. Goodnight sweet cheeks. I love you.

Jack: Goodnight. I love you too.

me: (whew)

(hee hee…)

Red Spots at Night

Jack: Mom! MOMMMMM!

(I ran upstairs to see what was going on)

me: Are you okay?

Jack: My nightlight didn’t go on and then when I looked around it was all black and it all turned RED and I couldn’t make the red go away and it was really scary. (he starts to cry)

me: It’s okay. I’ll fix your nightlight. Maybe this disco ball thing lit up or something and that’s what you saw?

Jack: No, it was covering both of my eyes and I couldn’t make it stop!

me: Were you rubbing your eyes? Sometimes that makes weird colors appear…

Jack: No!

me: Okay calm down. I’ll stay with you for a little bit, okay?

Jack: Okay… Was that a lucimation?

me: You mean a hallucination??

Jack: Yeah. When will those start? Will I have those??

me: I don’t think you have to worry about it. You won’t have them.

Jack: Then why is it a word?

me: Some people have them when they take drugs or medication or are very sick.

Jack: I promise I didn’t take drugs or anything! Though I might need Motrin because my head hurts.

me: I know you didn’t take drugs sweetie. And it’s not a hallucination.

Jack: Can you look it up and see what it is? I don’t want it to happen again.

me: Of course. I’ll tell you what I find in the morning.

Jack: Throw my pillow on the floor before you leave. That’s how I’ll remember to ask you.

 

So I’ve spent the last half hour looking up red spots, and red vision at night, etc. There seems to be a lot of stories out there about people experiencing the same thing. This also seems prevalent in 5-8 year olds. Or that’s when it starts. Most of the children have color blindness, like Jack does. Most were premature, just like Jack. Most spots were accompanied by headaches, which his was. Most people live with it their whole lives without any other health problems.

Well, let’s hope this was a one time deal!

Mama said there’d be days like this (or nights)

This didn’t happen tonight, though the days have all been blending together it sort of feels like it just happened. It happened the other night, when I also was not sleeping at (let me check the clock) ONE OH EIGHT a.m. Sigh…

(8pm)

Jack: Mom! MOM! My last tooth fell out!

me: Cool! Not too much blood…let’s get the treasure box and put it under your pillow.

Jack: I hope I get 5 bucks like the first time!

me: I think that’s just a first tooth special deal.

Jack: I heard that if you put the exact same money back under your pillow that the tooth fairy gave you, she’ll give you your tooth back if you want it. (pause) But I just want the money.

me: Good choice.

(1:18am)

Jack: MOMMMMM!

me: Groan.

Jack: I’m sweaty and I need to pee and have a drink of water. And my undies are wet. It’s just sweat though.

me: Okay, let’s go…

Jack: (just as I’m leaving his room) Can I have the fan???

me: Sure. (I dig around, get the fan set up and back out of the room)

Jack: MOM!

me: What!

Jack: The tooth fairy didn’t come yet, see? My tooth is still in the box.

me: Shit.

Jack: I heard that.

me: Okay, she’ll be here soon.

(1:45am. I go back to my room in a panic. I don’t have any cash! Stupid tooth. I look around in my piggy bank and find three 50-cent pieces. I put them on my nightstand and then set my alarm for 4am. That will give me enough time to switch out the money for the tooth before Jack wakes up.)

(2:05am. I’m back in bed trying to doze off. A few minutes later my door creaks open and the light goes on.)

me: GAH!!! (I jump up shielding my eyes)

Jack: Mom, I’m really cold now with the fan on me.

me: Why didn’t you just call me and have me come up?

Jack: You NEVER come up when I call you!

me: What just happened a half hour ago. Sheesh.

Jack: (sees the money on my nightstand) Heeeyyyyy are those 50-cent pieces??

me: Shit.

Jack: I heard that. Can I have them?

me: Sigh.

(2:20am. Jack is back in bed, dressed in warm clothes. The fan is now off. He has the 50-cent pieces. I look around and find a golden dollar coin and hide it under my pillow. I check the alarm. Still set for 4am.)

(3:15am. I hear a god awful racket outside my door. It’s Bella trying to get at a huge moth that’s stationed above my door frame. I shoo the moth away, it’s a big sucker, and shoo Bella away. I realize that the cats will be waking me up at 5:15 to eat, so I decide to feed them now. You know. Since I’m up already. WTF. I come back into the bedroom and almost step on this HUGE thing in the middle of my rug. It’s the moth. It likes me. Earlier in the day I moved the grill cover on the deck railing and like 15 HUGE moths crawled out. I spent some time removing them all and letting a few crawl onto my fingers. I felt something bump into my head but didn’t really think anything was there. I went into the house and was brushing my teeth and noticed something moving on the top of my head in the mirror. GAH! The moth had burrowed itself into my hair, so I thwacked it and it flew away. And later stationed itself outside my door to annoy the cats because apparently it missed me. And now it’s sitting on my rug. I went to get a cup to scoop it up and put it outside. It crawled behind the laundry basket. Sigh. I moved the laundry basket and managed to grab it in the little dixie cup with a piece of paper on top. I let it out the back door. Came inside. Put the cup down, locked the door and noticed the moth was still in the cup. Really? I opened the door and threw the cup onto the deck and went back to bed.)

(3:30am I think… why the hell am I going back to bed when I should just go up and do the tooth switch out and then shut my alarm off?? Man I’m tired.)

(3:45am Tooth switch-out successful. I put Jack’s tooth into the little tooth-shaped box I have that contains all of his teeth. I wonder what he’ll think when he finds this box. Or if he finds all of Santa’s letters that I’ve been secretly hiding all these years. I mail photocopies to Santa. Don’t you dare judge me! I get back into bed and realize I have to pee. I get up and whack my shin on the damn laundry basket that I moved earlier when I was catching the moth. I sob a little bit. Is this building character? Making me stronger? I don’t know anymore.)

(6am)

Jack: She came! (He runs into my bedroom yelling. I feel like I had just dozed off. I probably just did.) Look, coins! (He holds up three 50-cent pieces)

me: Oh. Wow. 3 coins? (Wtf did I do with the gold coin. When did I take back the 50-cent pieces?) Hey, I thought you already had those 50-cent pieces from last night, remember? From my nightstand?

Jack: What are you talking about?

me: When you came down to tell me you were cold?

Jack: I never came down.

me: ??? (Sanity check, his fan was turned OFF and he was dressed in pajamas, so I know this was not a dream. But still. WTF?)

Jack: Maybe if I leave only one of the coins back in the treasure box the tooth fairy will bring only part of my tooth back! Cool…

me: (I look at the clock and realize I’ve slept OH maybe 4 and a half hours.) Groan… (I roll over and feel something under my pillow. It’s the gold coin. ????)

 

Any thoughts on that little mystery? Was I dreaming? No, seriously. I need help.