I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Camp

Hashtag Sneaky Snorkel

Jack: Mom do we have any straws?

me: I think so, why?

Jack: The bendy kind?

me: I don’t think so…

Jack: That makes it harder.

me: What’s in that head of yours?

Jack: Can I take some to camp?

me: You’re not answering the question…

Jack: I want to give some to my friends so we can use them in the pool. Like a sneaky snorkel!

me: I don’t think camp allows things in the pool, so you’d have to really be sneaky.

Jack; You’d let me??

me: I guess… but you know the straw hole is very small and you won’t get enough oxygen and…you know…snorkels are much bigger.

Jack: That’s your mom way to try and convince me not to do something by making me think it’s my idea.

Of course I then had to look up snorkeling with a straw and found this article, and then came across THIS article about using a long hose connected to the surface air, rather than a tank, for short dives. Lol. 

If you’re short on time, the answers to both questions is NO!

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When waffles go bad


Or “waffling”. That’s what I call it when I’m making waffles. It’s also what I call the indecision that Jack sometimes has, which has been a common thing in our house since … well since he could talk! So… since he was 2 and a half?

Jack at age 3: Mommy I want to wear these shoes.

me: Ok let’s get them on.

Jack: NO I want those shoes because maybe I’m running today! (He grabs his sneakers)

me: That’s fine but we have to get them on or we’ll be late.

Jack: But wait! Maybe those are better!!!

me: (sensing the futility)  Ok Ok let’s go, Jack, you have to pick one or I will pick for you.

Jack: (hysterics)…

I chose the sneakers I believe. 🙂

————–—-

Fast forward to the present day. Yesterday actually.

me: Jack, let’s take a walk to the beach. (Our campsite was about 1/10th of a mile from the ocean.

Jack (at age 12): But, I don’t want to swim!

me: I didn’t say you had to swim, I just want to walk there and check out the beach and see how the water feels.

Jack: Should I change?

me: For what?

Jack; In case I want to swim!?

me: (feeling the old pattern starting to unfold) If you want to put on your bathing suit just in case, go ahead….

Jack: The water’s probably too cold to swim! 

me: So let’s just walk there and check it out. 

Jack: But what if we get there and I want to swim???

me: You’ll walk back and get your bathing suit on… 

Jack: Ooohhhhh… (hand wringing)

me: Ok I’m walking… byeeeee!

Jack: (in true waffler fashion) Wait! I’m going to change!!

(He changed into his bathing suit, he did swim, it wasn’t too cold, AND he had fun.)

Anyone else have waffles for breakfast? 🙂


Circle of life

Jack: One of my friends found a fish in the lake at camp and then he fed that fish to a bigger fish. The counselor said to stop doing that so I yelled “We’re just accelerating the circle of life! What’s wrong with that?!!”

me: Sigh.


What exactly goes on at camp all day?


(that’s the camp pick up line, it’s single file and goes on for days…)

I asked Jack if he wanted to do BMX bike riding tonight. He said absolutely not because he would be so tired from camp. So I asked him what exactly goes on at camp that makes you so tired? I remember the other day he said he didn’t need sunblock because they would sit around all afternoon in the shade. That doesn’t sound very tiring to me. 🙂

Me: Jack, what are you going to do at camp today that will make you so tired?

Jack: all kinds of things, it’s exhausting.

Me: you mean like swimming, archery, hiking? Stuff like that?

Jack: well, archery really doesn’t take that much effort. And we do hike a little bit in the woods, but we have to carry our backpacks so that’s kind of strenuous. And it’s really hot out, so the heat is really tiring.

Me: what about the peddle boats?

Jack: I’m not allowed to use those this week. We got in trouble for splashing our friends.

(After I got the full story from Jack and the camp counselor, the verdict was that he was actually splashing five-year-olds who were “annoying” to him)

Me: so then you must swim for a long time?

Jack: we only swim for about an hour, that’s it. And that’s usually in the morning.

Me Well then what is tiring you out?

Jack: well, I go on the tire swing, and that’s pretty tiring… (No pun intended)

Me: so what do you do, swing from one tire to another?

Jack: no, someone pushes us and then we just swing…

Me: Ummm… That doesn’t sound like it takes a lot of exertion.

Jack: like I said, it’s hot out, and the heat is very draining. So I don’t want to do BMX. Outdoor camp is actually more tiring than taekwondo camp. And if I was too tired after taekwondo camp, then I’m really too tired after this camp. Can I just chill at home?

Me: OK, let’s see how you feel after camp today…

I don’t think I’m going to win this argument, and I bet we are most likely not going to BMX tonight. Which is too bad, because I was hoping to ride tonight ha!

Though, looking at the temperature, it’s 87° right now, and probably not getting any cooler. Whew! The heat really is draining. And I’m getting very tired just by writing about it…


Doesn’t “dank” mean cold and dark?


OK, I get that slang does creep into our language and words take on other meanings… 

It happens quite a bit and it even happened back in the Stone Ages haha …when cool meant something was hot and hot meant something was cool and word meant something was true and cold meant something was bad, and bad meant something was good… And so on and so forth.

But now, we have this other NEW camp incident where kids are getting in trouble, because they aren’t allowed to say the word “dank.”

Jack: oh, and by the way we’re not supposed to say dank anymore at camp. Add that to the list!

Me: why? Doesn’t dank mean cold and dark like a cave? What’s the problem?

Jack: apparently it means something else… we just say it like “dank Memes!” That doesn’t even mean anything.

Me: trust me, I know, I’ve been hearing that from you for months, along with allah Akbar. Sigh.

Jack: well, apparently it has other meanings.

(So I grab my phone and look up the word dank. Well OK so it has to do with a type of marijuana, etc., and stoners and potheads, but it also has the real meaning of cold and dark!)

Me: I still don’t see why this is a thing. If you were saying “wow I smoked some dank marijuana” or …wait maybe dank IS the marijuana… (?) anyway I don’t think you’re using it in a context that is bad.

Jack: tell that to the counselors.

Me: well just do what they tell you and don’t say it, keep your head down, and be good.

Jack: Mom, I don’t have that camp this week. I’m going to taekwondo camp remember?

Me: Is that where I’m bringing you? (I look around to make sure I’m going in the right direction on the highway…)

I can barely keep the camps straight, ha ha at least I was heading in the right direction towards taekwondo camp. 

Happy Monday!


What rhymes with Akbar?

I got this phone call today from camp: 

Hello, this is not an emergency, Jack is fine, but we just wanted to let you know that there was some trouble at camp today with Jack not listening to his counselor. It happened when he was swimming and he and some other boys were yelling Allah Akbar when they jumped into the pool. We told them to stop but then we heard them yelling again. So we had Jack and his friends come out of the pool. Jack is here on speaker phone and can tell you his part of the story.

Jack: after they told us not to say that anymore, my friend dared me to jump in the pool and say “I’m a snack bar.” So that’s what we were saying after and then we got in trouble again.

me: 😫

Why is this even a thing…

OK, I get the not listening to the counselors and all that, but I think they were actually saying God is great? 🙂


First day of camp – 2017



me: How was the first day?

Jack: Ok.

me: What did you do?

Jack: Stuff.

me: Zipline?

Jack: No.

me: Archery?

Jack: No.

me: Boats?

Jack: No.

me: So you swam the entire day??

Jack: Just one hour.

me: What did you do for the rest of the hours?

Jack: Camp stuff!

me: And the teenage years begin.

Any advice?? 🙂