I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Conversations

May the 4th be with you!

Spoilers.

This post has nothing to do with Star Wars.

Jack: Hurry up and sign my permission slips. They’re due tomorrow!!!

me: Where are they?

Jack: In my backpack!

me: Leave them for me and I’ll sign them.

(Next day)

Jack:!We’re gonna be late! You have to sign these! You didn’t remember yesterday!

me: Leave them on the counter.

(How is this my fault?)

me: Ok, here you go. Hey, for the band parade it says they need parents to walk along and hand out waters and stuff. Want me to do that?

Jack: NO.

me: Well someone has to do it. Then who will walk?

Jack: Anyone but you.

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It’s gonna be May

Ok enough with the backstreet boy memes. But it’s so funny! To me. Because I just heard about it today from Jack. We were listening to the radio and I’ll pretty much sing anything Backstreet or Justin T when it comes on, just because, and Jack said his Spanish teacher cracked that joke in class today.

We also had some funny conversations of our own!

We went to the gym, Jack was in a GOOD mood, (Oh-ho-ho!) and then we went to the store for dinner stuff.

On the way to the store Jack wanted to be dropped at home, but I said no (and dammit I just remembered that I was supposed to get gas and that’s why I didn’t want to drop him off, but of course I forgot, sigh), and Jack faked like he was going to grab the wheel and steer home.

me: Hey! Don’t mess around and put your hand back in your pants!

Awkward silence.

We both bust out laughing.

me: I meant “in your lap”.

Jack: it’s way too late to correct that. Just. No.

Hahahahaha

Kinda like the time Jack and his friend were in the car and we said something T the same time and I yelled “you owe me a beer!” and they both looked at me.

me: Please don’t tell your mom.

(Sorry Annette lol)

Happy last day of winter 😬😝


Memory is Relative

I think memory can be turned on and off by 13 year olds. I want to really believe that Jack wouldn’t forget things that I say on purpose. Right?? I get the selective hearing but maybe because their brains have NOT GROWN in fully yet, there are Swiss cheese holes where recent memories just sort of fall into.

I recently read that an average dog has a short term memory span of about 5 minutes. That explains a LOT with Moca. But it’s sad also because I give her an amazing belly rub and expect that she’ll remember how loved she felt and maybe she’ll really “drop” the ball for me this time instead of pulling a Lucy / Charlie Brown on me and running with it just as I reach for it. I sort of hoped she would want to please me since I was so nice to her! But alas, she wouldn’t even remember the belly rub. Or that I put bits of chicken or beef or salmon in her breakfast and dinner bowls. Each time I feed her she gives the bowl a look of pure disdain… she’s not one to be motivated by food. When she realizes there’s something tasty mixed in, she sometimes behaves like it’s Christmas and she devours the food-slash-treat with loud gobbles and clangy metallic slurps when the bowl is empty and she’s trying for that one last bite. Without being able to remember how yummy that meal was, she starts off the next day with the same sideways look at her food bowl. “Same old crap, eh?” Yet how can Moca remember THAT?? Hmmmm….

I’m forgetting where I was…

Oh yes, Jack and his short term memory. I’ll be glad for the day his prefrontal cortex pops open like one of those time lapse photos of flowers blooming at the end of winter, pushing the brain matter aside like soil, and he wakes from a deep sleep and looks at me appreciatively and says… THANKS! For everything.

Ahhhhh….

So anyhow, I asked him to turn off the light in the upstairs hall. Again. The same light I ask him to turn off every day and sometimes every night.

Jack: No this is the episode where they end up seeing the weeping angels and one of them gets into Amy’s eye, remember? And the crack in her wall follows them to this dimension and… (boy can he remember a doctor who episode from 2 years ago)!

me: Hey Jack, go turn off the hall light up there before we watch…

Jack: Sighhhh (he gets up to turn off that light, and turns ON the stairs light to do so…)

me: AND, get the stairs light too… sheesh…

Jack; Ok Ok!

Jack returns down the stairs and walks right by the light switch and sits down. I stare at him. He stares at me.

Jack: Wellllll? (Gestures towards the TV)

me: Jack, seriously go turn off the light.

Jack: What do you think I just did??

I look at the stairs. He turns and looks.

Jack: Well you said to get the HALL light, you never said to get THAT one.

me: I said it as soon as you flipped the switch.

Jack: No you didn’t.

me: Yes I did and you said Ok. Just go turn it off please. It’s like you only remember the things you care about right? Maybe that’s it.

Jack: True!

me: Well what’s something you would never remember because you don’t care?

Jack: Literally anything you tell me.

me: Sighhhhh…

(The beatings begin)


Speak softly, but carry a big can of paint…

(A fun quote by street artist Banksy.)

Jack and I don’t feel well, nd have taken a day off. I still have a fever and haven’t really moved from the couch. He’s upstairs playing Mario.

Last night we both were exhausted and watched Exit Though the Gift Shop, a Banksy film I’ve loved for years and have seen many times. It was fun to watch Jack watch the film.

Jack’s become a really good artist and has the best style, sort of Haring-like with a comical twist that is uniquely Jack. So, he genuinely enjoyed the film which made me happy. We took our Banksy love to a new level when we visited London last April and saw one of his street rats. It was amazing.

The movie itself is amazing on many levels. The street art, the artists, the plot, Mr. Brainwash (the identity the main character, a photographer/videographer takes when he changes lanes and becomes a street artist himself…after filming street artists for about a year or more). He eventually created his own sticker, ala Shepherd Fairy and his OBEY Andre the Giant stickers, and plastered them everywhere.

This guy carried his video camera everywhere! That too reminded me of Jack, who literally has had his camera strapped to his hand on every major trip he’s taken, and vlogged the entire time.

(China town in London, video camera in hand.)

In the Banksy movie, the main guy Thierry, filmed his cousin (artist Space Invader) wherever they went, and people really thought this guy was more famous than he really was, due to the camera attention of course.

I had an idea.

me: Hey Jack, Why don’t you start filming me everywhere we go. You know, like Thierry in the movie did with his cousin. Then everyone will think I’m famous and maybe something will come of it!

Jack: Yeah, but your life’s not interesting.

Sigh…

I won’t spoil the movie, but GO RENT IT AMD WATCH IT. I have a good suspicion that Banksy played a huge trick on us, the viewers, because that’s just what he does.

I’m now on to my third movie in two days… 2nd one was “Where is Banksy?” And now I’m finishing “How to sell a Banksy.”

Oh and we drew a lot last night and a bit today. Since we’re just sitting here riding out the Nor’easter 🙂


Need to upgrade my wardrobe

OK, just to cover myself, I spent a lot of time walking my dog. A lot. It’s cold outside, there’s slush and ice and snow and wind and rain and fog and mud… And I hate being cold. So this year I started to wear snow pants basically every day while walking Moca.

It makes it less unbearable. So on the few days this year so far that have risen above 30, it has been a luxury to not pull on a giant pair of snow pants and winter boots. Last week we had such a day. I was able to wear sneakers… Sneakers! I haven’t worn sneakers on a dog walk in months.

When I returned, Jack and I had to head to his friend’s house for a sleepover. I looked down. Black spandex pants… ok …. old beat up Nike’s… a little sketchy looking, and fluorescent pink socks… definitely not ok.

me: Oh geez, look at what I’m wearing. I was so happy to not be covered by snow pants that I forgot you can now see my socks… and these sneakers are awful! Ugh!

Jack: Mom, it’s ok. Remember what you just said… usually you’re wearing SNOW PANTS! Even when it’s not SNOWING! What you’re wearing now is way more normal.

me: Thanks. I guess??

And then the rest of the year I wear shorts!


Test grades and why studying is so important…

Jack: Mom, I got back a Spanish test today.

me: Oh yeah? What’d you get? (Usually Jack trucks me into thinking he did poorly when actually he got a 100.

Jack: 15 out of 30. So not very good.

me: Really? How come you didn’t do that well, did you not study? I don’t remember you studying here so I hope you did in school…

Jack: Not Really.

me: Jack, if you have a test then the days leading up to the test are for studying. You know that.

Jack: it’s usually easy but I did t understand the questions. Oh and by the way, I have another Spanish test tomorrow.

me: Come on Jack, time to study! Get out your book and I’ll help you.

We flip to the page and I start to read exclamations in Spanish which have two answers to choose from as responses. You have to pick the most appropriate response to the first sentence.

me: Okay tell me what this means.. (I read the first exclamation.)

Jack: That means My feet are sore.

me: Ok answer A. Says Don’t take off your shoes and B. Says Take off your shoes. Which is the appropriate response?

Jack. A.

me: Huh? Jack, their feet hurt so why would you say to keep your shoes on. It’s B. Take off your shoes. I can see why your grade was low, it’s not Spanish we need to work on it’s your English! Sheesh.

Jack: This takes place in Argentina, which is full of broken glass probably, so they shouldn’t take their shoes off.

me: ??

Jack: Ok read the next one.

me: (reading poorly in Spanish) Ok what’s that mean?

Jack: it says “I’m tired”.

me: Answer A. Says to go to bed and answer B. Says to get up. Which is the correct response?

Jack: B.

me: Seriously? It’s A Jack… He’s tired so he should go to bed.

Jack: When I’m tired you make me get up for school so A is the right answer.

me: Grrrrrrrrrr…


Hang up I’m on Instagram!

Said Jack on the phone as I tried to ask him how his day was at school.

This little four-year-old would’ve never said that to his mom!