Conversations, Digital Technology

If we didn’t text we wouldn’t talk!

I’m blue. Jack is gray. Sigh. 😂😂😂

The old “Deez Nuts” from 2015 haha…

Not sure about this next one?

And I didn’t notice what this next image was when I looked at it small on my phone screen. Kinda gross

And there you have it. A full week of conversations. 🤨🤨🤨

Conversations, Uncategorized

Simp. Boomer. Bread.

I’m once again not entirely sure where all the new names come from. The names that certain 14-15 year olds use when talking to each other and more annoyingly, to their moms. (Ahem, one mom in particular at least). And you know how once you get a phrase stuck in your head you can almost never get it out and then it becomes a habit and no matter how hard you try NOT to say it you just have to say it?

Well, I know Jack’s in that type of cycle with a new word each month or two. I want to know who is ground zero for these words. Who coined the phrase. Who was the first to utter Simp and have it catch on in our local high school? Is it a YouTuber? More than likely. Is it someone in the high school? Probably not. Suddenly, there we are, being called Boomer, Simp, and a lovely host of other words.

‘Bread” pretty much means “money” and used sometimes to say you like something.

“W” is another one, mostly used on social media, meaning “Win”. Remember when I had to find out what “F” meant? I think that was an old post that I have to look up and link to here. “F” means “Pay Respects” in Call of Duty. Like: press F to pay respects. So kids were posting F on photos of deceased celebrities, etc. Yes I had to Google it! Whatevs!

“Simp” is just short for simple, or the type of guy that lets a woman walk all over him. Jack likes to throw this one out frequently, and it is the current phrase du jour, (or de semaine if you really want to test my French).

Anyway, I can go on, but mostly the words are rude and generally Jack gets in trouble for using them. Repeatedly. Remember my fun with being called Boomer?? Sighhhh….

Like at Jack’s birthday party sleepover. Always, always this boy gets in trouble on his birthday. Hopped up on sugar, lots of friends over, rudeness ensues.

me: Jack, if you guys are going to run around in the house, be careful and don’t break anything.

Jack: Sure simp.

me: What?

Jack: (a little softer) Simp.

me: Um no. Do not call me that.

Jack: (softer) simp.

Jack’s friend: Jack, don’t be rude to your Mom.

me: Thank you. Jack, go ahead and say it again and see what happens.

Jack: Si— (runs into the kitchen)

me: Grrrrr!

I have literally been having the same conversation with Jack for years. Years I tell you! Even when he was extremely small and called me Mrs. Mommy! I knew he meant it rudely. Then he switched to Lady. Then for a while he called me doughnut. I mean really.

Quel horreur!

 

keep-calm-and-dont-simp

Conversations

Goodnight 14-year-old

Jack will wake up a 15-year-old! Gah! When did this happen?

Well, technically he will turn 15 at 4:36pm… but still! He has friends coming over tomorrow for an escape room adventure, then a hibachi dinner then X-box. Just as it should be.

Jack has had a week of midterms and a week of a head cold. Both are just about over now. Studying can wait a day and resume on Sunday night for the dreaded Algebra 2 test on Monday. 🤮 Then he’s done! Wooo! I have felt as though I’ve lived through 10-th grade again with all the study help I’ve given Jack.

I hated Algebra, loved Geometry! Jack takes after me. Right brain!

So, I am currently mourning my 14-year-old, looking forward to another stellar cake tomorrow and realizing that I have to change my blog title. Which I will do right now. I’ll share the cake tomorrow as I always do. (Rowing theme!!)

I will leave you with this little exchange from a few minutes ago. Oy! Does anyone else out there get this from their teen??

And, Goodnight everyone!

Conversations, History

The way he memes

Just a few of Jack’s social posts to either give you a chuckle or cause you to worry about his deteriorating sense of humor. Mostly gross, sometimes inappropriate and occasionally mom has to say “remove that post” for so many reasons. He’s still learning.

The best meme I’ve heard is the ‘No one, not a soul” and then “insert random or funny here”. Not sure how it started but it’s catchy in the weird way that most things are when they are repeated a thousand times.

Hey, in the 80’s we used to say “he’s ranking on you’ instead of “he’s making fun of you”. And for us “jouins” (pronounces Jew-ins) meant someone was cute. “He’s such a jouins!!” And don’t even ask what a snoogie was back then. Ugh!!!

Our memes consisted of “I can has cheez burger.”

Things have progressed quite a bit… right??

……/.///

Jack: No one, not a single soul. YouTube recommends the 2018 best of compilation.

Jack: Do you smell popcorn?

Everyone: (holds breath)

Sighhh…

………………….

Mom meme:

No one. Not a single soul on God’s green Earth.

Mom: I could use another pair of boots.

🤨🤨💙💙

Conversations, Food, Subaru Confessions

Whatsitcalled?

Oh man if you’ve ever forgotten the name of something, someone or some place you can really feel for me in this post. I hate when you absolutely KNOW the word or name and you can just PICTURE it, but nope, the old noggin won’t comply with connecting those memory synapses or whatever they are and you sit slack jawed and dumb faced, simply unable to finish your conversation until you figure out that word!

Hate it.

Jack: Dad made the best chicken in the air fryer, it was soooo good!

me: What did he put on it?

Jack: Nothing.

me: No sauce?

Jack: Oh well there was this sauce of Dijon and mayo and lemon I think that he put on the side in these little cups. You know those little ones, what’re they called??

me: You mean those little baking glass dishes? The ones that start with a C?

Jack? C? No they’re like those little cups you know…

me: Hmmm, like what you put creme brûlée in? It’s like C something?

Jack: Sounds like eh at the end? Or something?

We had suddenly stopped caring about the chicken or the sauce. Only this damn little cup! What the heck! We sat and drove in silence. Dammit.

me: Ramekin!!!

Jack: Yeah that’s it!

me: Does not begin with a C hahahah!

Jack: We were so wrong…

And then we talked about the chicken again. Whew.

Conversations, Emotions

365 Days of Awesomeness

Taking a cue from Neil Pasricha and his blog 1000 Awesome Things, which is so totally cool and funny and delightful, all the happy words. His blog launched a book deal the very next year called “The Book of Awesome”. Read it.

My blog has not received any book deals. 😦

But I’m still hopeful! This is the decade, I can feel it!!!

Anywayyyy… we’re doing this thing that I saw on Facebook that involves a jar and little slips of paper and on the slips we right one awesome thing from our day. The goal is to read these on New Year’s Eve 2021 and see how awesome our year has been.

We are all for positivity on my house. Even the animals have a happy spring in their step. (Okay, Moca has a spring in her step ONLY if she has recently come in from a muddy walk and has a zoomie attack and tears ass around our living room which has WHITE CARPETS! PoBo will have a spring in her step only if she’s trying to get away from Moca, who will only chase PoBo and not Luna. Weird right? Well Luna will slice Moca a new one if she even tried to chase her. And Luna gets a real spring in her step when you open the cabinet containing their food. Luna will come tearing and skidding into the kitchen and twirl around your feet purring. Even if you accidentally bump the cabinet door she will be there faster than a blink.)

So yes, some of us are motivated by food. 🙂

me: Look! I started this jar and we can write down one great thing that happened to us each day. Then, at the end—

Jack: Not gonna happen.

me: Huh? No, look it’s easy, we just—

Jack: I’m already writing stuff in my own notebook.

me: Well then I’ll write my own stuff in THIS jar and read it to myself in 365 days.

(Suddenly I’m feeling less happy)

Jack: Cool.

me: Ok write one thing at least.

Jack: (takes a slip and writes something)

me: Can’t wait to read that one.

Jack: Heh heh.

Any thoughts on what he wrote? Did he call me a Boomer again though I’m clearly not a Boomer??? 😂😂😂

Sigh.

Aww remember when I had this little Dude who thought everything we did together was fun!!!???

Conversations, Emotions, Potty Humor, Workout

Greetings friend

Jack and I pulled up to the gym where his rowing group is practicing every day off-season. (Gotta keep those kids in shape all winter!!)

We saw one of the rowers heading into the gym. I forget his name…lucky for him 🤣

Jack: Hey, there’s so-and-so, keep driving… don’t stop here.

me: What do you mean don’t stop here? You have to get out here.

Jack: No, pull up more so I don’t have to walk in with him.

me: Why? Don’t you like him?

Jack: I like him but I don’t want to do that awkward talking as we go in the door. Just wait here until he’s in.

me: Jack, you can’t just say hello to the poor guy? Geez. Even dogs sniff each other’s butts as a greeting.

Jack: Yeah, I’m not doing that either.

🤨😬

Lolllllll!!!’ Too funny. So we waited that extra half of a minute so Jack could walk in alone. Sheesh.

Books, Conversations, Food

Eat food, not too much, mostly plants. (And some mac and yease??)

Who said that? The first part, not the yease part.

Go ahead. Guess.

I’ll wait.

Yeah you can Google it.

(Whistling…)

Why yes it’s Michael Pollan (and yes, he’s related to Michael J. Fox’s wife Tracy. True!) Though Pollan credits Joan Gussow with the statement. Michael, not Tracy. He’s awesome.

If you want to become as fascinated as I am with all of this (a point I will hopefully get to eventually) you should start with Pollan’s NY Times article “Unhappy Meals” and then read all of his books.

(That’s banana art from the original Times article…)

Best to read his books in chronological order for sanity reasons 🙂 They all have food in the title or eating or Omnivore, etc, and they all start to sound alike though they are most definitely distinctly different! Especially his chapters on the apple. Sighhh. Pure bliss. (“Botany of Desire”)

And even his book about tripping on LSD. I mean really. It’s genius. (Take acid, not too much 😂😂)

Sooo anyway, I’m always saying to Jack that we shouldn’t eat anything that our great (or great-great?) grandparents wouldn’t recognize as food. Like hellloooo what’s a cheese puff or a frozen “tv” dinner? Bleh! I first read about this in 2007 when Jack was a wee two-year-old lad. And then I was hooked.

And tonight, as we pulled in the driveway, I noticed a white priority mail box sitting between the garage doors. That’s how the fun started. 🙃🙂

Jack: Hey! Maybe that’s my Vexx sweatshirt!!

me: I don’t think so. And remember I’m the inspector of all boxes from now until Christmas. (I don’t want Jack inadvertently tearing into any Christmas presents that may be showing up in the next few days)

Jack: Let’s see what it is… open it. Uh…it’s from something called I Eat Grass?? Weird…

me: Ummm I have no idea what this is. Seriously. It’s kind of cold though.

We took the box into the kitchen and carefully unwrapped it. Edible packing peanuts spilled out. And there was a silver bubble-wrapped package the size and feel of a large steak. Did someone send me meat??? It was cold like meat haha.

Jack: I’ll be over here. (He ducked down behind the counter)

me: It’s not a bomb.

Jack: (popped his head up) You don’t know that. (Ducks back down)

me: (finally getting the foil pack open) oh man. Hahaha I forgot ALL about this. It’s Mac and Yease! I ordered it off Instagram.

Jack: Wha…?

me: Vegan Mac and cheese. Let’s bake it now, and you have to try it.

Jack: Gimme that. (He has a tree nut allergy so he had to read the label thoroughly) I call this dessert! (we already had sushi in hand for dinner… Quite the combo)

me: OK, let me get this out of the plastic bag and into this pan.

I employed a method not far removed from squeezing the last toothpaste out of a tube…)

Jack: Mom, you always say, and I quote, “Don’t ever eat anything that your great grandparents wouldn’t recognize” and here you are, squeezing something out of a plastic bag that’s called “Yease”.

me: (totally had to crack up at that) Hahaha sooo true! But still, let’s try it.

Jack: Mac and cheese from Kanye West. Great.

me: LOL!!!!

(Jack just came in to remind me that I had left the oven on these last few hours. Sighhh. And I found the vegetable spray in the fridge. I’m really losing it. I have a cold so I get a foggy mom brain free pass tonight.)

We did end up liking the Mac and Yease but we were so full from the sushi that we couldn’t give it our full attention. Left overs for tomorrow’s dinner!!!

Moca took a sniff and wanted some. Haha!

Oh… And don’t forget to read up on all things Pollan!!

Conversations, MocaMadness, Pets, School, Uncategorized

Way too much talking. Way too early.

Today was an “advisory” day at Jack’s high school. All that means to me is that Jack goes in at 9am rather than 7am. Sooo, I get to sleep just a wee bit longer in the morning. Not bad. But what do I do? Snooze. Just twice, but enough to put me in a little panic as I was trying to get everything done and get myself and Jack out the door on time.

You know, that easy stuff like walk the dog, feed the cats, feed the dog, scoop the kitty litter, pack Jack’s lunch, make sure he has his homework, make breakfast, make my lunch, helloooo get READY like shower and dressed omg, and then actually leave at 8:30 to drive to Jack’s school for 9am. It really takes that long even thought the school is 2 miles from here.

I woke up at 7:40. Gasp.

me: (hopping on one foot in the laundry room, putting on my boots) Hey, are you eating? What did you make?

Jack: Cereal.

me: Can you please fill the dog’s water bowl and put away your lunch from yesterday? How can we make your lunch with the lunch bag full of old stuff?

Jack: Grunt.

me: (shrugging on the giant winter jacket and putting on Moca’s harness). I’m going to take Moca out, probably be gone 15-20 minutes. Okay? Can you pull out everything for your lunch please?

Jack: Grunt.

me: Okay?

Jack: Okay. Sigh.

me: Oh, and make sure to set your reminders to bring your sax home and turn in your form. You’re gonna forget.

(Moca is doing a bit of a dance as she waits to go outside)

Jack: Okay Mom.

me: (halfway out the door) Make sure you recycle that box, and do NOT leave a plastic bag on the counter with cereal crumbs in it. What do you think the kitties will do? Suffocate, that’s what.

Jack: I thought you were taking Moca out? (he goes back to crunching on his cereal)

me: (almost made it out but I pop my head back in for ONE more thing) If you could just get Moca’s food out too, that would be a BIG help… and – – – –

Jack: Mom, waaaaayyyyy too much talking for this early in the morning.

me: Gahhh! (Moca dragged me down the stairs to the garage in one big lunge. I think she agrees with Jack)

Conversations, School, Uncategorized

Quiz me the way I tell you to quiz me…

"Shouldn't you be studying?

me: How am I supposed to help you study if I can’t read your notes?

Jack: I can read them just fine.

me: The printing is so tiny and all the words run together, plus I’m not able to see writing that smudgy and dark…

Jack: Well, I’ll type up my notes and then it will help me review them, and then you can use that to quiz me.

me: Deal.

Jack: (later) Ok, here are the notes… just quiz me on this stuff.

me: Okay, what is it called when something passes through a membrane.

Jack: Don’t quiz me like that. I don’t know what I wrote.

me: Huh? Well, then what are the two kinds of transport?

Jack: Just read them like questions and don’t assume I know what’s under each bullet!

me: Ummm… Well then… What are the 5 bullet points under Active Transport?

Jack: Aarrrghhh! I don’t know. I didn’t memorize what’s under each thing!

me: How exactly am I quizzing you then? Sheesh.

Jack: It’s easy, just read what I wrote and phrase it in the form of a question. Don’t use “blank”, just use “what”.

me: Okayyyy… WHAT are the two kinds of transport?

Jack: Active and Passive.

me: Dude, it’s the exact same question from two minutes ago.

Jack: Well when you ask me the way I say to ask me, then I know what you’re talking about.

me: Sigh.

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