Less face-to-face these days

Remember the good old days where I used to post very long and in-depth commentary from Jack? Well, these days we don’t spend a lot of Face-time together. Jack usually has his headphones on, is doing homework, or is otherwise occupied… (Three hours of bathroom time anyone?)… Just saying!

That alone leads to a blog that doesn’t have as much shit in it as it used to :-). When we are together, and Jack unleashes a spectacular one liner, or he has a rambling monologue about something, and I want to blog about it… I generally get vetoed.

He has editorial approval now that he is older and more sensitive to embarrassing moments that would be for ever caught on the inter-webs.

The one or two shining moments that I get with him each day have a lot of content in them… That would make great blog posts… But, by the time I get around to blogging, I’ve generally forgotten the gist of the conversation :-). I would hate to say that Jack’s blog is winding down… Because I still love to write about him… But this may be a natural progression! I don’t know of too many other blogs that have tracked their child since age 5 tight into the teenage years. If you know of any, please comment and let me know 🙂

me: Do you want me to make your lunch today?

Jack: —-

me: Helloooooo.

Jack: (big show of slowly removing headphones) What?

me: Oy, take your headphones off.

Jack: (grunt)

me: Do you want school lunch today?

Jack: No, the food is disgusting and unrecognizable. However… the pasta is awesome!

me: School pasta is awesome huh?

Jack: —-

me: Helloooo!

Jack: (slowly removing headphones) Whaaaasatttt…

me: Nevermind.

And there you have it. Monday through Friday people! Actually I now have the “no headphones at breakfast rule” so we can actually say a few words before he runs out the door at (gasp) 6:45. Ungodly hour!!

Mom’s search terms

Whenever I’m driving or just busy, I usually ask Jack to look stuff up on his phone. I’m always in need of random information at random times. Just like a normal mom. Right?

me: Want to see a movie tonight?

Jack: There’s nothing out.

me: Look it up…

Jack: (flipping through his phone browser) Geez you know these are all mom searches when the last one that comes up is “How to ripen cherry tomatoes”.

me: Sigh…

When caviar goes bad

We met some friends for dinner and Jack’s friend ordered a bento box that had a few different types of sushi in it. Including one giant avocado tower covered with Roe and caviar. Needless to say when he touched his fork to it, the tower fell over.

Friend: Awwwww my caviar!

Jack: First-world problem.

School lunch woes

Jack: ugh I ate too much at lunch today. It made me kind of sick.

me: What did you have?

Jack: Stomach pains.

😝😝😝

I’m cranky

Just venting to say that I had to blog posts queued up and ready to go, over a week ago, but my phone broke in the drafts were lost. So you will have to suffer in silence for a little longer while I prepare new shit.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Jack from last night.

Jack: Mom, you really shouldn’t eat anymore M&Ms, especially when you get a big zit on your face like that. Shouldn’t you know by now?

me: 😫

Pancakes Perfected

It only took 20 years. Well not really. It’s not like I make pancakes every week maybe once a month? Anyway, I’ve always loved to bake or cook things that look like baking… pancakes and French toast, etc. Or maybe I just like carbs.

I’ve perfected a few things according to my taste buds: chocolate chip cookies, apple pie, pumpkin pie, carrot cake, chocolate pudding and now the pancake!

Today was the day that I was going to fast. Seriously. I ate like three dinners. My family was over, and there was more food than you could even believe and I ate it all and it was great. Went to bed with a tummy ache and vowed to drink only clear liquids today. I really did mean it.

Until Jack and his friend asked for pancakes.

I have always loved Ina Garten, and her recipes are always ones I love to make. I even like quite a few Martha Stewart recipes and love to follow them to the letter to get the perfect result. (Always desserts, I’m not a good food cook lol) And, I also love food blogger Smitten Kitchen, since … forever. Since before Jack. When I had time to read and print and collect recipes for the perfect strawberry shortcake or the richest “oh my god this won’t last five minutes in your house” decadent chocolate cake. OR, the perfect pancake.

I started with a dozen different recipes. Traditional, old fashioned, healthy, vegan, my mom’s, and a few “famous” ones. I ended up basing mine on the Smitten Kitchen version frankly because the woman can cook and can write about food… and her description of these pancakes had me salivating for weeks and gave me visions of being the perfect hostess with the tastiest most fluffy pancakes on the planet. She’s that good.

The secret is actually using buttermilk. Which I never have. So, the other day I saw dried packets of buttermilk and I stocked up on 2 boxes! 4 pouches in each box, each pouch makes 1 cup of buttermilk. Loving life!

Jack: Only 2 please.

me: That’s it?

Jack: I have a headache, right here. (Points to his temple)

me: Awww, and these are soooo…. PERFECTED! I thought you’d want more…

Jack: Eh, I just don’t feel good.

(It’s our 3rd week of random different illnesses…sigh… and I really want him to hork these down!)

me: Ok more for me I guess…

Jack: Yep. Just like you ate all my M&Ms…

me: sigh… headache didn’t kill your wit…

Flashback to when jack was about 3… and was eating sub-par pancakes!

Oh how rude of me. We’re you looking for the recipe? 🙂

Try this:

2 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp kosher salt

2 eggs beaten until fluffy

3 TB melted butter

2 cups buttermilk

1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk (or skim)

2 tsp vanilla extract

—- Heat griddle to 350 degrees

—- Combine all dry ingredients

—- Combine all wet ingredients, add melted butter last and very slowly

—- Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix just until combined. Keep it lumpy people!!!

I use an ice cream scoop for uniform sizing. Makes about 27 small fluffy perfect pancakes! Enjoy!!

That’s a Big Pickle

I was in the kitchen the other day cutting one of those obscenely large whole pickles down to manageable slices when Jack walked in. He has recently started to dislike pickles. Every time I offer one to him he says NO. 

Jack: Oh can an I have one?

me: (???) I thought you hated pickles?

Jack: No I love them!

me: Come on. You never want them any more and you told me not to pack them in your lunch.

Jack: Yeah not when they’re whole and shaped like that. That’s just awkward! 

me: Ooohhhhhhh…

Mystery solved. You could get beat up in 7th grade for having a lunch item shaped like that. 

😁

Mr. Brainwash

Aw, remember when he was young and cute? And didn’t ask for much. Sigh.

 

Jack: You owe me $5.00.

me: For what?

Jack: My allowance. You forgot it last week. And this week. So… $10.

me: Wait, didn’t you use your allowance to pay for part of something I bought you last week?

Jack: Oh, and you owe me $20 for helping rake the leaves.

me: But you never finished. AND, I helped you so you didn’t really do all the raking I asked you to do.

Jack: BUT, I was going to do it AND I didn’t ask you to help me, AND you decided on your own to help AND we agreed it was $20. Can I have it now?

me: Go brush your teeth.

Just… Why…

For some reason, Jack thinks that any food in the house belongs to him alone. So if I finish anything, I’m a criminal because u didn’t save any for him. Especially if it’s anything sweet. 

Now, we are not entirely odd sugar like we used to be, and I’ve been trying to steer us back in that direction… But it’s Smore’s Seasonn people! How can we resist backyard fires and gooey marshmallows on burnt sticks? I try, but so t always succeed.
I bought a bag of bubble gum for work, to put in the community gum ball jar, and decided to have 2 pieces that night. I came in to this note…

Why am I busted? I want to know! I wasn’t hiding it and frankly it was none of Jack’s business if I had two or ten pieces. Sheesh.

Jack: It’s like the time you ate the ENTIRE bag ofnireos, remember?

me: Uh no, it wasn’t an entire bag Jack…

Jack: Or the time you “took my candy yo work”… (He air quotes).

me: That was real.

😳😳😳😳

FEED ME! (Between the hours of 5-9pm)

   

me: Five Guys burgers for dinner?

Jack: Oh awesome!!!

…Jack orders a double cheeseburger and small fries around 5pm. At 6 we head to Taekwondo class…

Jack: What’re you eating?

me: I got some Hershey kisses as a gift. Want one? 

…He eats 4…

(After class)

Jack: I’m starving! What’s for dinner???

me: Uh remember the burger? That was dinner.

Jack: Nooo, THAT was a snack. What’s for dinner??

me: A snack. That’s what’s for dinner. What would you like?

Jack: Oatmeal with raisins and bananas. A double batch!

me: Ok…  I’d better eat some of the leftover salmon we had last night. (I jokingly ask if he wants some)

Jack: (shoveling in the oatmeal) Yesss!! Make it into the sandwich you always make.

me: Really? Avocado and bacon? 

Jack: Oh yeah!

…he finishes the oatmeal and grabs the plate with the sandwich on wheat toast and inhales it…

me: Geez, let it settle… You’re gonna be sick.

Jack: No, I’m still starving. Can I have cinnamon raisin toast?

me: Ugh ok. With butter?

Jack: Oh, soooo good…

… He eats the toast and eyeballs a pear I’m cutting…

me: You want some???

Jack: Yeah, but not until after I eat this…don’t rush me! 

me: Oh of course not. Wouldn’t want it to get “gross” or anything.

Jack: I know, right?

…he eats the pear…

me: Time to brush your teeth and get ready for bed. Enough food ok?

Jack: It’s time for something else now.

…He grabs his book and heads to the bathroom…

10-year-old boys that eat like that are on the 3-poops-a-day schedule, just FYI…