I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Holidays

Happy Birthday to my Teen!

Yes everyone, hold onto your hats. Jack turns 13 today. This makes 8 years of blogging for me! Originally started as shitmy5yearoldsays, this blog has been my one true outlet for all things Jack. And doesn’t he say a lot of … SH*T??

Yep.

Still going strong.

I asked Jack to name one thing he’d want the readers of his blog to know about him since he’s now a teenager (well at 4:36pm he will be… we are sticklers for time in this family)

Jack: I have nothing to say.

me: For the first time in 8 years.

And there you have it.

Happy birthday Jack!

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Merry Christmas!!

Jack and I had a nice Christmas at home today. He didn’t wake up too early, and actually Moca and I were still asleep while Jack ripped through his stocking 🙂

I’m assuming every family with a boy aged 9-15 had to purchase at lease one Nintendo Switch, like I did. Or at least some gaming equivalent. Right?? It was all about the Switch all day.

I tried to keep the mess at a minimum because just this past Friday I knocked the whole darn tree over trying to get Bella out from under it and to an emergency vet appointment.

Yes, it was a very tall tree. Yes, it was a very huge mess.

Sadly, Bella became very sick very quickly and I had to have her put to final rest on Saturday night. Our sweet girl wasn’t with us for Christmas as she had been since 2003. We miss her terribly. Little did I know (though part of me suspected) that these would be the last photos I would take of my little kitty. 😦

I’ve been keeping myself (and Jack) occupied with many walks on the beach, in the woods and around the neighborhood with friends (ok just Kris), Jack and Moca. Many miles have been logged into my Fitbit as we enjoy our Christmas break.

Now, back to the presents and the mess. Is it terrible for me to ask Jack to crumple up the paper and toss it in the trash bag after he opens each present? Nahhhhh. But he felt a little differently.

Jack: Geez…Anyone else think of Christmas as a chore? (Crumple toss)

me: Just keep tossing your paper over here. You haven’t even gotten one in the bag yet. Come on. Pick up all the twisty ties before Moca eats them.

Jack: Sigh…

We had fun playing Mario Kart, I lost… and watching multiple Doctor Who episodes. Weeping angels!! (Shudder) And tonight we watched the Planet of the Apes first movie, which, I kept telling Jack, was awesome! Finally he relented and “allowed” me to rent it, and afterwards he said he really liked it. Guess we will be watching Apes 2 and 3 this week. Because it takes place in San Francisco it reminded me of all my trips out there. The first was when I was pregnant with Jack. We visited Muir Woods and I have a photo of me at the entrance sign, right where James Franco brings Caesar into the park for the first time. My pants were unbuttoned because I hadn’t yet transitioned to maternity pants LOl. (Moca is snoring right now and having doggie dreams next to me on the couch).

Jack liked the ending scene of the movie which was shot on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Jack: How come nothing like this happened when I was in San Francisco??

me: Apes taking over the bridge seems like a fun time to you? See? I told you it was a good movie.

Jack: It’s not a movie unless the Golden Gate Bridge gets destroyed or mutilated.

me: Touché.

Now we are full of hot cocoa, getting tired and ready for a long sleep. It will be nice having a few more days off this week. (Moca is really running in her sleep here!)

Here’s my view of her right now. Picture all 4 legs running in place and you’ll get the full effect haha.

We hope you had a great holiday and are enjoying the break! Here are a few more photos from today….

And of course the little beast ate her presents already and one ended up in the trash! Pitbulls have strong jaws and a crazy need to chew!! Ugh!

Merry Christmas everyone!


So this is Christmas!

I always get excited for Christmas. The presents and wrapping and lights and music and tree decorations and needles everywhere and returns and fattening food everywhere. Right? Aaahhhhhh.

Do you have a favorite Christmas tradition? I let Jack open one present on Christmas Eve. I think my parents let me open one on Christmas Eve so maybe that’s where I got that tradition.

Every year Jack and I cut down our tree and buy him a special ornament at the gift shop and get hot cocoa, etc. So that’s our thing.I’m all done shopping and wrapping and all the presents from “Santa” are ready to go. I mean, I’m sure Santa has his presents all ready to go ;)me: So Jack, do you still believe in Santa?Jack: Really? No.me: Well then I guess he won’t deliver any presents then. Jack: Ha. Ha. Not funny.me: I’m serious, he won’t deliver presents unless you really believe. So do you?I look back at him from the front seat of the car to see his look of disdain, one eyebrow raised.And to think, Jack first learned about parents delivering presents from Santa by reading my blog.Isn’t it ironic? Don’tcha think? 😫


I hope I get a harmonica

Who loves Adam Sandler? We do! I forgot it was the first day of Hanukkah but coincidentally woke up singing his Hanukkah song. Obnoxiously, and changing the lyrics as I pleased.

me: So drink your gin and tonica…

Jack: Mom. Just. No.

me: (making breakfast) Jack today’s the first day of Hanukkah for real, so how funny that i woke up singing that song.

Jack: Yes, how Ironica.

me: 😳

On that note, have a happy Hanukkah everyone!


Cold Weather Makes Things Scarier

Doesn’t it?

Are you scared on a balmy summer evening as you stroll down the street in your neighborhood, looking at the moon and watching for that first star to show itself so you can make a wish. You hear the crickets and the frogs chirping… the sounds of children laughing in the distance as they take one last dip into the pool.

Nah. Nothing scary about that.

Now drop the temperature 50 degrees, add a little wind, some dry leaves scuttling across the pavement, leafless tree branches clacking together like the dried brittle bones of a lonely wandering skeleton, a dog barking in the distance, a twig snaps in the woods nearby…you get the idea…

Jack and I were out on a walk with Moca, it was dark and we carried flashlights. The moon was pretty bright so we turned off the flashlights to let our eyes adjust so we could enjoy the darkness.

me: Are you ready for Halloween next week?

Jack: I need a costume but other than that, yeah.

me: I hope it doesn’t get too cold … I hate walking around freezing my butt off.

Jack: I don’t want it to be freezing because then you can’t even see your costume, but I don’t want it to be warm either. The cold makes everything seem scarier!

He shivered a little with the thought, and I had to agree. The cold Fall weather and longer darker nights make it prime time for some good scares. We will definitely watch some classic scary movies this weekend and into next week. We just finished the original IT by Stephen King what are some of your go-to scary movies? Comment and let us know!


When waffles go bad


Or “waffling”. That’s what I call it when I’m making waffles. It’s also what I call the indecision that Jack sometimes has, which has been a common thing in our house since … well since he could talk! So… since he was 2 and a half?

Jack at age 3: Mommy I want to wear these shoes.

me: Ok let’s get them on.

Jack: NO I want those shoes because maybe I’m running today! (He grabs his sneakers)

me: That’s fine but we have to get them on or we’ll be late.

Jack: But wait! Maybe those are better!!!

me: (sensing the futility)  Ok Ok let’s go, Jack, you have to pick one or I will pick for you.

Jack: (hysterics)…

I chose the sneakers I believe. 🙂

————–—-

Fast forward to the present day. Yesterday actually.

me: Jack, let’s take a walk to the beach. (Our campsite was about 1/10th of a mile from the ocean.

Jack (at age 12): But, I don’t want to swim!

me: I didn’t say you had to swim, I just want to walk there and check out the beach and see how the water feels.

Jack: Should I change?

me: For what?

Jack; In case I want to swim!?

me: (feeling the old pattern starting to unfold) If you want to put on your bathing suit just in case, go ahead….

Jack: The water’s probably too cold to swim! 

me: So let’s just walk there and check it out. 

Jack: But what if we get there and I want to swim???

me: You’ll walk back and get your bathing suit on… 

Jack: Ooohhhhh… (hand wringing)

me: Ok I’m walking… byeeeee!

Jack: (in true waffler fashion) Wait! I’m going to change!!

(He changed into his bathing suit, he did swim, it wasn’t too cold, AND he had fun.)

Anyone else have waffles for breakfast? 🙂


Can you use these words in a sentence?


Our language is always evolving. With slang and digital technology, texting shortcuts and memes, lyrics to songs and ethnic flavor…new words and phrases are expected, welcomed, tested and enjoyed. Totes!

As always, and especially now that he’s in 7th grade and has always been pretty well spoken for a kid, Jack has taken it upon himself to make sure I hear any new words over and over and over and…overrrrrr…

Until I’m triggered.

Jack: That’s so dank!

me: Is that bad?

Jack: Don’t get all triggered.

me: But is it bad? It sounds bad but also good.

Jack: It’s lit.

me: So that’s bad. (I know it’s good)

Jack: Sigh.

I’m sure you’ve heard of fidget spinners, and fidget cubes right? How many do you own? How many of them light up? OMG.

Jack had to order some from Canada, and then he needed a deluxe one and then he needed the cube. Keyword, need. He doesn’t need these. Maybe some kids need them, Jack doesn’t. They’re supposed to keep you focused but instead they keep Jack unfocused and worrying about his fidget spinner. I think teachers are now starting to take them away in school.

Another fad and I’m sure it will be gone by the start of school next year. Pokémon Go anyone?

Jack slept at his friends house last night and had to come home to pick up his stuff. I was calling up to him to make sure he had everything and instead of answering me he screamed out at the top of his lungs. When I asked what was wrong he said I sounded like a triggered feminist. Sigh.

He’s such a scrub sometimes.

Happy Memorial Day! 

Jack was supposed to March with the school band. He had a concert in Tuesday and has been practicing like crazy. Parade is canceled again for year number 2 in a row 😦