I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

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2014…you owe Jack a lego set plus $5


If only 2014 knew that 😉

I was just reading back through some top posts that you all viewed today. Thank you for reading! Much appreciated my wonderful followers! 

This one jumped out at me and made me laugh. Haha.

Here’s the punchline, or rather the #1 one-liner rant from that post. I think the punchline is in the title of the blog.

1. So Mom, I have about $7 in my bank upstairs, plus the $10 that you should have in your wallet from when I had you hold my money…you still have that right…so that’s $17 and if the Lego set is $20 then I only need $3, but since you haven’t paid me my allowance in a couple of weeks, then you owe me $4 from last week, so I’ll be one dollar over and then when you give me the week before’s allowance, that will make me $5 over so technically you owe me the Lego set plus 5 bucks.

Enjoy your Wednesday! 


Snow day!

Ok so it’s cold as heck. Our puppy Moca is not liking the plunge in temperature. It’s 18-F before windchill! She refused to go for a walk and stood there shivering and shaking in her sweater and booties. Awwwww! 

My driveway had been plowed and sanded. Yay! My walkways were shoveled. Yay! I only had to clear the deck, and fix a broken gutter… brrrrr. Still have to get chores done even if it’s freezing. 

Jack is still out there. I gave up after an hour and a half of shoveling and sledding, he’s going on 3 hours. BRRRRRRR!

About an hour ago I caked him in thinking he would welcome the break and  drink hot cocoa with me. Nah.

me: JAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKK!

Nothing.

me: JAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!

Nothing.

I emitted my ear splitting concert whistle.

Jack: WHAAAATTT’

me: Come home!

I love yelling through the neighborhood. Sigh.

Jack: WHYYYY!!

me: Come here!!!!!

Jack: (stomps up through the garage all red faced) What?

me: Do you want to come in and —

Jack: We’re PLAYING!!

me: ok geez go have fun. Thought you might be freezing.

Jack: We’re not freezing because we’re playing!

Makes sense. I remember when I used to stay outside until my toes were blocks of ice. He’ll be fine 🙂

Stay warm out there!


Heartfelt Apology. Truly.

Words cannot express how happy we are as parents when outer child not only admits their mistake, but writes a heartfelt apology to try and make you feel better. 

I present you with version 1 and 2 of Jack’s apology letters from this morning.

I woke him up as usual, rubbing his back and his hair, telling him how handsome he is and that it was going to be a great day. He giggled and then tried to pinch the flesh on my legs and arms. Repeatedly. After I said stop. And then I told him if he kept doing it I wasn’t going to tickle him, I was just going to place my thumb under his armpit and not move it. Just the thought was enough to make him crazy. He pushed me away by shoving my face from the side in a not-too-gentle fashion that prompted the immediate loss of all electronics for the day, and the need for Jack to write me an apology letter:


Jack: (version 1) Deat Mom, You had just woken me up. You were tickling, bothering, and annoying me already. I told you to stop, but you were persistent and annoying me. So, to combat your bothersome nest, I pushed your face away. Judging by your reaction it was harder than it looked. You do tend to overreact, but I don’t think that was it. I’m sorry that I hurt you and I won’t do it again.

me: Nice try but you’ll have to do a better job at telling the truth Jack. 

Jack: (version 2) Dear mom, this morning I was grabbing your flab. You put your thumb in my armpit. Then I pushed your face. Judging by your reaction, it was harder than it looked. I just want to say sorry, and I won’t do it again.

me: Seriously?

Now, what would you suggest I do at this point? I would really like to hear your opinions. 🙂


Sunday Funday & a stressful week.


It’s been a busy week. Ok it’s been a busy month! So many activities and sports and parties and stuffffff!

Jack: I never have a free night!!! I have soccer practice Tuesday and Friday, then taekwondo Tuesday and Thursday, then games on Saturday and then your classes and homework!!!

me: You were free Wednesday remember? I skipped my class.

Jack: But all I did was worry about all the stuff I was going to HAVE to do the rest of the week! I’m too stressed!

me: Sigh.


What to do if you’re bored 

 First, confirm that you are, indeed, REALLY bored. Check boxes help.
  
Then, make a list! Perhaps you like to write in gold marker. If so, do that! Or maybe you just want to lay down wherever you are. OR, better yet, take a nap! Though that one is frowned upon at work or so I’m told.

 
When all else fails, you can question the universe:

  


Through Jack’s eyes

me: Is your room clean?

Jack: Well, it isn’t … “dirty”.

me: Sigh…

  


Real-life undo button needed…

Some days need an undo button. I would have worn that button out today…

Jack had a sleepover last night and he and his friend slept in a tent that I set up in the front yard. I took them to the town pool last night and then got them pizza. This morning I decided to take them to the beach. Seemingly innocent and relaxing. 

My trouble started on the way to the beach, first with me missing the turn to the highway, taking us miles out of the way, and then with me hacking my shoulder open on a hook at the gas station rest area as I kindly jumped out of the way to let a lady pass. That’s a 4″ x 1″ mark that I will have forever. If I made that turn I would have never stopped at that rest area and my shoulder would not have gotten mauled. 😦 

Then at the beach I helped Jack video tape some stuff for his You Tube channel (Trick Shots & Stuff) and slipped on a rock (that I said was not slippery) and received two knifelike wounds on my heel that are about 2″ long and 1/4″ deep. I could hold mail in those cuts and it would stand right up. As I hopped over to the lifeguard station on my tiptoe I stepped on a shell that punctured the same foot and left a wicked wound in the shape and size of a bullet hole. Wtf. These are all throbbing as I type this…

(It gets better)

I then take jack and the friend for seafood, and ice cream. We head home and drop the friend at his house. I walk in my door finally (well limp) and go directly to my fridge and pop open a can of orange seltzer water. I shriek! The pop tab has nearly severed my pointer finger because it has this metal shard hanging off of it. I whimper, bandage THAT part of me, and want my day to end; however we had plans to take another friend of Jack’s out with us to see some fireworks, so we have to hurry and get ready to go. I wonder how much fun I’ll be with all my boo-boos, and whether or not I can even go to taekeondo next week!

Jack: We should have filmed more trick shots n stuff but you were… “hurt”.

me: Jack, my foot was hacked to bits today, sheesh. I did film you in all those other parts before I cut my foot. Remember?

Jack: No. You never want to do ANYTHING!!!!!