I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Potty Humor

Moone Boy

Jack and I have been watching this Irish comedy Moone Boy for the past week or two. Totally addicting. It’s about this Irish kid with a grown up imaginary friend played by Chris O’Dowd, whom I love! His movies are hysterical…

We now say “feck” all the time which is hilarious and sort of an appropriate way to swear.

The accents are awesome and we sometimes have to stop and rewind certain parts because A. It’s so funny we want to hear it again or B. We have no feckin idea what they just said. It took us the complete first season just to make out the lyrics to the theme song, which only has two lines. Jack gets the credit for that one.

(When he was little he used to like getting credit for something and would always yell “I get da credid for dat one” in his baby voice lol. Just remembered that as I typed this.

Jack: Isn’t it weird how that guys face is totally at the bottom of his head?

me: Uh … what?

Jack: Look at his head, it’s all forehead and the bottom third of his head is where his face is.

me: Ooohhh yeah haha, he’s kind of funny looking. He’s been in other things, he’s kinda familiar.

Jack: You know who he looks like? There’s a character in Bolt that looks just like him. Do you remember? Did you see that movie?

me: Yeah I saw it. Maybe it’s the same guy…

Jack: Bolt is animated, I meant he looks like the guy…

me: Oh, maybe I didn’t see it.

Jack: Sigh.

Ha! Finally got him back for 12 years of “sighs”…

I hope everyone in our area is staying warm! Where’s me jumper?! (Watch the show and you’ll get it.)

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Those are “inside words”!

Jack was getting into the car and smashed his leg.

Jack: OW!! Frick me in the bunghole!

me: Jack! What the heck!  Why are you even saying that!?

Jack: You told me not to say ass.

me: Grrrrr.


Jack-Live 5.6.15

I heard this coming from the bathroom this morning. Loud.

Jack: Taking a whazbag is very fun!!!!

Repeat over and over for the typical duration of 10-year-old’s urination time. Which is very long.


Time Suck aka “I have to poop”

We’ve all been there. You woke up early enough. You had made lunches the night before. Your hair came out great and the clothes you picked out didn’t need ironing. (Not that I iron…I call that “putting something in the dryer”.) And everything ran smoothly! You just had to jump in the car and you might (gasp) get to camp early! Thus getting to work early!

Jack: Hold on, I need to poop!

me: No-ho-hoooooooohhhh!

I slump to the floor dropping my lunch, my workout bag, Jack’s backpack, my water bottle and the pile of bills that I was going to pay at work when I thought I would be … Early. (Sob)

me: (meekly) Jack can you hurry?

I’m not sure he can hear me through the strains of the keyboard music he is playing in there. He is camped out.

Jack: You can’t rush nature!

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Jack the whiz kid

me: Just hop out and go!

Jack: (frantic) What??!! Noooo!!!

me: Last chance, we’re gonna move…

Jack: Arrgggghh! I never get to pee in a bathroom!!!

He hopped out of the car and peed on the FDR highway in dead stop traffic. Last night he had to pee in front of the car in a parking lot and a couple weeks ago he hid behind a tree to pee as his bus pulled up in the morning.

Do I not always say “go to the bathroom before you leave the house!!???”


What’s the Z-word? And does my cooking deserve such a name?

Jack: What’s the “C” word? Oh yeah, I know that…(I gasp) It’s “crap”. heh heh.

me: Watch it mister.

Jack: I know the “A” word. Right? It’s the donkey name. Ass.

me: Heyyyy…

Jack: Is there a “B” word?

me: There’s pretty much a word for every letter in the alphabet.

Jack: Why do we call it the letter?

me: Because it’s not polite to go around using bad words.

Jack: Then why were they invented?

me: Uh… I’ll have to get back to you on that one.

Jack: What’s the “Z” word.

me: Zipit.

Jack: (thinks) Heeyyyy, that’s not real! And by the way, I’m not eating any of that Zipping pasta you just made.

me: We’ll see about that!

So here’s the pasta I made tonight. Winter vegetable pasta with kale and parmesan. And a little white wine. I got the recipe from that lovely little Freshly Pressed blog The Scrumptious Pumpkin. Yummy! And, Jack ate most of it…so THERE!

Saute in EVOO: butternut squash, carrots, onion, garlic, thyme, salt, pepper until soft. Then add kale and wine!

Dump in cooked pasta and tons of parmesan! (the good kind) Plus some pasta water as needed.

Serve it up with more cheese. Devour hungrily. Go back for seconds.


Potty humor

(All photos are from "foundshit.com". I like that name!)

No really, this post IS about the actual potty. Sort of.

We all know that kids love to dawdle as they conduct their business. No one is better at this than my little boy. He pretty much has a working library, NASA station, lego factory and art center at his disposal, within a few inches of his special potty. It’s in the “little bathroom”. Maybe he feels cozy in there because it’s the half bath without a tub or shower. Once he goes in, I simply sigh and go find something else to do for 20 minutes, like blog! Or laundry!

me: Hurry up sweetie, we have to get going or we’ll be late!

Jack: (doesn’t look up from his etch-a-sketch) We’re always late for something.

me: Ha ha. Seriously, can you move it along?

Jack: How can I move this along. I’m trying!

me: Sorry, okay but just finish up.

Jack: I’m done. I’m just waiting to pee.

me: (I wait a second) Okay? All done?

Jack: I said I’m WAITING to PEE!

me: When, tomorrow? I think you’re done.

Jack: It’s on it’s way. I can tell.

me: Sigh. Seriously, if you have to wait that long, you can probably get up and go again at school. Come on please.

Jack: No. (he gets a look of utter concentration on his face)

me: It really shouldn’t take that much work Jack, it kind of happens on its own when you REALLY have to go.

Jack: Oh I really have to go.

me: Well if we’re late, you can tell the teacher why it happened.

Jack: Mom, you can’t rush a natural body experience!

Ed and Bella would go nuts for this one!

I need this.

I'm not sure what the remote is for...

...this one time, at band camp...?