Potty Humor, Subaru Confessions

Subaru Confessions – Teen Style

Jack always says the craziest things while we drive… anywhere. 😂

me: Put your phone away we’re almost there.

Jack: Grunt.

me: I need at least an actual minute to talk to my boy, eh?

Jack: Ok. Here’s something. (And then he says in a weird voice)I look in the toilet, mmmmm I’m hungry!

me: What?? Gross. Honestly Jack, who told you that.

Jack: Me. Hahaha!

me: Seriously? Can’t we have a normal conversation for two minutes sheesh…

Jack: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

me: So not funny. Oohhhh look at those clouds over there. Wait…WHO would actually say that?

Jack: I already told you. Me! Hahahaha! Oh and in band class I found a can of green beans behind the stage. It’s in my backpack.

me: ?

And there you have it people. The brain of a 14-year-old boy. Yep. All honors classes. 🤨😬

Conversations, Emotions, Potty Humor, Workout

Greetings friend

Jack and I pulled up to the gym where his rowing group is practicing every day off-season. (Gotta keep those kids in shape all winter!!)

We saw one of the rowers heading into the gym. I forget his name…lucky for him 🤣

Jack: Hey, there’s so-and-so, keep driving… don’t stop here.

me: What do you mean don’t stop here? You have to get out here.

Jack: No, pull up more so I don’t have to walk in with him.

me: Why? Don’t you like him?

Jack: I like him but I don’t want to do that awkward talking as we go in the door. Just wait here until he’s in.

me: Jack, you can’t just say hello to the poor guy? Geez. Even dogs sniff each other’s butts as a greeting.

Jack: Yeah, I’m not doing that either.

🤨😬

Lolllllll!!!’ Too funny. So we waited that extra half of a minute so Jack could walk in alone. Sheesh.

Conversations, Emotions, Potty Humor, Uncategorized

Affirmations vs. Reality

I drove Jack to school as I do every day, and we rode in silence for awhile. I asked if he wanted to listen to my audio book in the car “Money and the Law of Attraction”. I’m almost done with it. He politely declined. So I put it on anyway. 🙂

Esther Hicks was talking about illness, and how you can think yourself healthy with positive vibes, etc.

me: Hey, you should try positive thinking today and say some affirmations to yourself to kick off the day.

Jack: (grunts)

me: Like try this: “I can do anything I want today and it’s going to be a great day.”

Jack: I just detonated your car.

me: What? (Pause) Oh geez Jack come on!

I hastily rolled down all the windows.

Jack: Ha!

And there you have it. Affirmations vs. reality with a 14-year-old. Kinda gross eh?

Conversations, Potty Humor, Subaru Confessions

Jack’s unique brand of … humor

me: If you really want to do a favor for someone or help them, don’t ask them if they want help, because most people say no no it’s ok I’m fine.

Jack: Then how do you help?

me: You have to tell them you’re going to help and just say you’ll do whatever it is. Like if you know someone needs a ride somewhere you don’t say Do you need a ride? You just say hey I’ll pick you up at 7.

Jack: No matter what the agreed upon time was?

me: Sigh, yes if they need a ride at 9 you force them to take a ride at 7. Sheesh.

Jack: (excited to tell me a joke) This guy went to the doctor and said “I have a problem. I always poop at 8am on the dot.” The doctor says “Well what’s wrong with that? That sounds very healthy.” And the guy says, “I wake up at 9am.”

me: Ha. Where do hear this stuff?

Jack: Around.

Movies, Potty Humor

Moone Boy

Jack and I have been watching this Irish comedy Moone Boy for the past week or two. Totally addicting. It’s about this Irish kid with a grown up imaginary friend played by Chris O’Dowd, whom I love! His movies are hysterical…

We now say “feck” all the time which is hilarious and sort of an appropriate way to swear.

The accents are awesome and we sometimes have to stop and rewind certain parts because A. It’s so funny we want to hear it again or B. We have no feckin idea what they just said. It took us the complete first season just to make out the lyrics to the theme song, which only has two lines. Jack gets the credit for that one.

(When he was little he used to like getting credit for something and would always yell “I get da credid for dat one” in his baby voice lol. Just remembered that as I typed this.

Jack: Isn’t it weird how that guys face is totally at the bottom of his head?

me: Uh … what?

Jack: Look at his head, it’s all forehead and the bottom third of his head is where his face is.

me: Ooohhh yeah haha, he’s kind of funny looking. He’s been in other things, he’s kinda familiar.

Jack: You know who he looks like? There’s a character in Bolt that looks just like him. Do you remember? Did you see that movie?

me: Yeah I saw it. Maybe it’s the same guy…

Jack: Bolt is animated, I meant he looks like the guy…

me: Oh, maybe I didn’t see it.

Jack: Sigh.

Ha! Finally got him back for 12 years of “sighs”…

I hope everyone in our area is staying warm! Where’s me jumper?! (Watch the show and you’ll get it.)

Conversations, Nature, Potty Humor

Time Suck aka “I have to poop”

We’ve all been there. You woke up early enough. You had made lunches the night before. Your hair came out great and the clothes you picked out didn’t need ironing. (Not that I iron…I call that “putting something in the dryer”.) And everything ran smoothly! You just had to jump in the car and you might (gasp) get to camp early! Thus getting to work early!

Jack: Hold on, I need to poop!

me: No-ho-hoooooooohhhh!

I slump to the floor dropping my lunch, my workout bag, Jack’s backpack, my water bottle and the pile of bills that I was going to pay at work when I thought I would be … Early. (Sob)

me: (meekly) Jack can you hurry?

I’m not sure he can hear me through the strains of the keyboard music he is playing in there. He is camped out.

Jack: You can’t rush nature!

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Potty Humor

Jack the whiz kid

me: Just hop out and go!

Jack: (frantic) What??!! Noooo!!!

me: Last chance, we’re gonna move…

Jack: Arrgggghh! I never get to pee in a bathroom!!!

He hopped out of the car and peed on the FDR highway in dead stop traffic. Last night he had to pee in front of the car in a parking lot and a couple weeks ago he hid behind a tree to pee as his bus pulled up in the morning.

Do I not always say “go to the bathroom before you leave the house!!???”

Food, Potty Humor

What’s the Z-word? And does my cooking deserve such a name?

Jack: What’s the “C” word? Oh yeah, I know that…(I gasp) It’s “crap”. heh heh.

me: Watch it mister.

Jack: I know the “A” word. Right? It’s the donkey name. Ass.

me: Heyyyy…

Jack: Is there a “B” word?

me: There’s pretty much a word for every letter in the alphabet.

Jack: Why do we call it the letter?

me: Because it’s not polite to go around using bad words.

Jack: Then why were they invented?

me: Uh… I’ll have to get back to you on that one.

Jack: What’s the “Z” word.

me: Zipit.

Jack: (thinks) Heeyyyy, that’s not real! And by the way, I’m not eating any of that Zipping pasta you just made.

me: We’ll see about that!

So here’s the pasta I made tonight. Winter vegetable pasta with kale and parmesan. And a little white wine. I got the recipe from that lovely little Freshly Pressed blog The Scrumptious Pumpkin. Yummy! And, Jack ate most of it…so THERE!

Saute in EVOO: butternut squash, carrots, onion, garlic, thyme, salt, pepper until soft. Then add kale and wine!
Dump in cooked pasta and tons of parmesan! (the good kind) Plus some pasta water as needed.
Serve it up with more cheese. Devour hungrily. Go back for seconds.