I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

School

Quote of the day: After School


The first thing Jack said after he got off the bus…

Jack: Mom, I’ll hang onto the car roof And you drive up the driveway.

me: Sigh.


Goldilocks and the 3 homeworks


Is it too hard, really easy or just right? Who knows!!??

me: Hey how was school?

Jack: OMG I have SOOOOO much home work!!!! Aaarrrggghhh!

me: How much?

Jack: I don’t know, I haven’t checked.

me: Checked your… notes??? That you wrote?

Jack: Yeah. Duh. 

Later…

me: Hey Jack do you want to walk Moca now or after your homework?

Jack: Let’s go now, my homework isn’t that bad. I can do it after.

me: Oh? What do you have?

Jack: I didn’t check yet!!! Sheesh!

Later…

me: How’s it going in there?

Jack: Math is done, Social Studies almost done and…

(Doorbell rings, Moca freaks out and Jack trips over himself to get to the door)

Jack: Mom can I go outside!

me: You have homework. Remember?

Jack: (talking really fast) I’m done with math, and only have one EASY paragraph for Social Studies and Spanish is two EASY sheets. Piece of cake… I can do it later in like 5 minutes. 

me: Sheesh.

He just came crashing in the door as I’m typing this.

Jack: Going to finish my homework!

He’s a good boy 😉


That’s a Big Pickle



I was in the kitchen the other day cutting one of those obscenely large whole pickles down to manageable slices when Jack walked in. He has recently started to dislike pickles. Every time I offer one to him he says NO. 

Jack: Oh can an I have one?

me: (???) I thought you hated pickles?

Jack: No I love them!

me: Come on. You never want them any more and you told me not to pack them in your lunch.

Jack: Yeah not when they’re whole and shaped like that. That’s just awkward! 

me: Ooohhhhhhh…

Mystery solved. You could get beat up in 7th grade for having a lunch item shaped like that. 

😁


Ninja Stars by any other name…


Jack came in the house after school waving some dollar bills.

me: Whered you get that?

Jack: School.

me: From what? (He held out a small paper disc)

me: What’s this?

Jack: Ninja Star. I make them and sell them at school… 25 cents each or 5 for a dollar.

me: Hmmm that doesn’t sound legal. I hope you’re not making these during class.

Jack: No, at lunch. Someone helps me with the setup.

me: These are pretty cool. 

Jack: Don’t worry. I read the school handbook. This isn’t gambling. 

me: What about weapons?

Jack: It’s not a weapon. It’s a Japanese star of wisdom!


A Break from #DebateNight

Ugh! Are you with me? Yeah so I needed a little humor break because apparently Lester isn’t able to keep control of this debate.

ANYWAY…

Jack: My math teacher is so cool. He lets us leave early from class. He even let’s us talk during fire drills.

me: Why does he do that?

Jack: Well, he wants to get back to his office quickly after our class so he lets us go early. And we talk during fire drills because he says he doesn’t get paid enough to care. 

me: Wha…?


Sign those yearbooks!

Jack got his yearbook today. He was so excited to have everyone sign it and then to show me all the pictures. I got to see the girl that they called “Richard” all year long, even though I told Jack that it sounded mean.

I saw mustaches drawn on all the faculty members that were considered “less than desirable”.  And I saw kids that I remembered from 1st and 2nd grade that now look like mini adults!

me: Jack, look! That’s Isabella from Kindergarten!

Jack: Huh? It is?? I thought that was somebody totally different! That’s so funny!

me: Who’s the girl that everyone likes and thinks is pretty in 6th grade?

Jack: Ewwww. No one!

me: Hmmm guess that’ll hit next year. Wait, you’ll see.

Jack: Look, that’s me with the seriously bad Mohawk.


me: Wow that is probably the worst photo I’ve ever seen of you.

Jack: Thanks…   Oh look at Alex! That’s when his eyebrows were shaved off… Hahaha… Look you can see it if you look close….


me: ???

Ahhh the memories of 6th grade. 

Hope those suckers grow back, Alex.


Last week of 6th grade

I can’t believe Jack’s first year of middle school is coming to an end. 3 days left. This has to be one of the fastest years I’ve seen… Is it because I’m old now?? I think we’ve just been so busy that we haven’t come up for air in the last 9 months. Soccer, taekwondo for us both, trips to NYC every other weekend, working, etc etc. it’s seriously a blur. I looked up and Jack grew two more inches, another shoe size, and weighs about 100 pounds. OMG.

When I asked him what he will miss most about 6th grade, he said:

Jack: Nothing. Nothing at all. Well I could say I missed Mr. T, (his math teacher), but I won’t say that.

When I asked him what he hated most about 6th grade…

Jack: Mr. T. (Again the math teacher.).

What is your best memory?

Jack: Meeting all my new friends.

What words of advice would you give to the 5th graders heading to middle school next year?

Jack: It sucks, good luck. Don’t get lost and don’t get on Mr. T’s bad side.

Sigh. I guess that’s all I’m getting out of him. Happy summer everyone!