I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Subaru Confessions

Funny Jokes

Is that redundant? LOL. Jack and I were driving to school this morning, we missed the bus, sort of on purpose. The alarm went off and I just didn’t want to get up. So I shut it off and pretended that we had a power outage ha ha. But of course cats and dogs have their internal clocks and they won’t let me sleep very long. 😦

Quick update on cats and dogs… Moca caught the lovely virus, or parasite rather, Giardia. This was right before Thanksgiving, and she’s only just now gotten slightly better. Talk about a skinny dog OMG. And Bella went in for dental surgery on Monday so she is in a little bit of pain this week and not eating well… as you could expect.

Jack broke his foot again for the second time, or toe rather, same foot same break same spot same everything.

My house is like an infirmary, the morning routine goes like this, feed the cat, feed the dog, feed the boy, give the cat liquid pain medicine, give the dog one and a half pills for tummy troubles, wrap the boys toe, wipe the dogs foot and other toe because she also has an infection LOL, makes probiotic in the dogs lunch so that the dog walker can feed that to her at noon, repeat.

But it’s the season of CHEER I tell you! Perpetual hope! I’m still smiling.

So, we were driving to school and I was listening to Christmas music and being goofy and telling dumb jokes, and laughing at them by myself naturally.

Jack: that’s not funny.

Me: what? You mean my joke? Oh I get it, it’s not funny because no one’s laughing.

Jack: no, it’s not funny because you don’t know how to tell a joke.

Me: Sigh.

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XBox live and other important things … like I have a new 12-year-old!

OMG the new puppy totally made me forget that Jack turned 12 and I need to update my banner at the top point point. I will do that this weekend. Lots going on in Jack’s world.

All heard from the back seat of my car…

Jack: dude I totally got Xbox live for my birthday.

Friend: OMG that is awesome! Now we can play together! Did you get silver or gold.

Jack: I got gold. Silver totally sucks.

Me: silver what? What are you talking about.

They pretend like they don’t hear me.

Friend: Yeah you totally can’t even talk on silver. It’s a waste.

Jack: I totally want to play BO 3.

Me: Hey,which version of halo is that?

Jack: nothing in that entire sentence made any sense mom. It’s zombies!

Me: Oh. Um. I totally meant call of duty! I don’t know why I said halo.

They were back to ignoring me again.

Friend: Dude, you have so many awesome games maybe we can trade like if we switch each other’s gaming name we can totally use each other’s accounts and like play each other’s games and like do other stuff!

At least that’s what I thought he was saying ha ha.

Anyway apparently Xbox live is something that gives you magical powers and makes everyone love you.

The end.


Define annoying…

Today we had a 90 minute delay due to snow so I had to drive Jack to school. We made a quick stop at Dunkin’ Donuts for hot cocoa. The puppy Moca went into her crate nicely and Bella was enjoying the peace and quiet.

We were driving along when Jack saw one of his friends standing outside waiting for the bus.

Jack: Hey you scrub!

me: why are you yelling that at that kid? Is that what you guys call each other?

Jack: no, I called him a scrub because he’s annoying.

Me: oh, I thought he was your friend, but he’s annoying?

Jack: he’s not really my friend he’s just very annoying so I call him a scrub.

Me: well, how annoying to you have to be to be called a scrub? What does he do?

Jack: he just ask annoying that’s all

Me: is he annoying like a bully? Like poking at you and stuff?

Jack: no he doesn’t do that he just annoys me.

Me: what exactly does he do to annoy you? Tell me what he does that’s annoying to you.

Jack: kind of like what you’re doing right now.

Me: sigh…

I’ll leave you with a recent photo of Jack from the other day, and one of Moca this morning with her sweater and boots. We had just come in from shoveling the driveway ha ha.



What does a sneeze smell like?

Our actual conversation on the way to school. I really can’t make this sh*t up.


Jack: The car smells like my sneezes.

me: What does that mean?

Jack: Like how my own sneeze smells.

me: Does it smell like melted butter?

Jack: No, that doesn’t even make sense.

:O


Jack: Can we move to Canada?


Things heard while driving Jack and his friend to school today. 

Jack: I voted for Tom Hanks.

Friend: Donald Trump is a businessman, so he can fix the economy.

me: let’s hope so…

Jack: We can still move to Canada!

Friend: Canadians talk funny.

Jack: Does this sound funny: free healthcare!?

me: Geez…

Friend: Things Donald Trump will do: Paint the White House gold!!!

And now on to things that are a little more important in a 7th graders mind…

Jack: Mom, it’s picture retake day, and I’m wearing the wrong shirt and I look like a scrub! We have to go home so I can put on my blue collared shirt!! And, I should’ve packed shorts for gym, in case we do interpretive dance! Our worst fear is that someone is there taking pictures for the yearbook, ugh!!

me: Sigh… 


All about that Zika


It’s a buzz word that all kids are hearing, using and have some fear of: Zika. It’s in the news and all over the radio, and their friends are talking about it. It’s gotten so that it has become a comical word that Jack and his friends use when they talk to each other. And sometimes when they talk to their mom.

I drive Jack and his friend to school this morning.

me: Jack, what did you end up making yourself for breakfast? (Jack usually grab a bowl of cereal while I get ready. And then he asks for his second breakfast when I’m done ha ha)

Jack: Zika flakes.

His friend cracks up.

me: no seriously, what did you end up eating? I heard you making cereal.

Jack: Zika flakes, covered with a sprinkling of Zika.

More cackling.

me: Really?

Jack: no, really, it was Zika flakes covered in a sprinkling of Zika with a side order of toast and Zika and a cup of Zika juice.

OK I can see how this is going so I don’t expect to ever get a straight answer. All I have to do is go back and look at the crumbs on the counter to see what he had, ha ha.


Iggos on board 

I just gave Jack and his friend a ride to school. They call each other Eggo, OK AutoCorrect get it right, it’s IgG oh.  “IGGO”. Sheesh.

Anyway, we were talking about movies and TV and then actors. Jack and I watched a movie last night with Morgan Freeman in it.

Jack: Morgan Freeman was the guy in Mockingjay that died.

Me: What? That wasn’t Morgan Freeman. Believe me Morgan Freeman doesn’t go into a movie for one minute and then die.

Jack: He was the guy that raised his hand and then got killed. Well, if it wasn’t him it looked just like him.

Me: Yeah it must’ve been someone that  looked like him. I’ve been watching Morgan Freeman since I was little. He was on this show called the electric company. We loved that show!

Friend: What kind of name is that for a show?

Me: We had shows like Sesame Street, Zoom, Villa Allegra, and Mr. Rogers neighborhood ha ha.

Jack: We have suicide squad!

Friend: Yeah we have Deadpool and suicide squad!! Oh, and South Park!

Me: We learned things like how to read and count and how to be nice to people.

Jack: I learned how to make a spoon into a weapon, do you know how to make a spoon into a weapon?!

Me: What are you talking about? Is that true!?

Jack: I’m just kidding…It sounded funny after all your stuff from the 1980s.

Me: That would be more like the 1970s.

Friend: Whatever, that be ooooolllld!