I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “12-year-old

Hashtag Sneaky Snorkel

Jack: Mom do we have any straws?

me: I think so, why?

Jack: The bendy kind?

me: I don’t think so…

Jack: That makes it harder.

me: What’s in that head of yours?

Jack: Can I take some to camp?

me: You’re not answering the question…

Jack: I want to give some to my friends so we can use them in the pool. Like a sneaky snorkel!

me: I don’t think camp allows things in the pool, so you’d have to really be sneaky.

Jack; You’d let me??

me: I guess… but you know the straw hole is very small and you won’t get enough oxygen and…you know…snorkels are much bigger.

Jack: That’s your mom way to try and convince me not to do something by making me think it’s my idea.

Of course I then had to look up snorkeling with a straw and found this article, and then came across THIS article about using a long hose connected to the surface air, rather than a tank, for short dives. Lol. 

If you’re short on time, the answers to both questions is NO!


When waffles go bad


Or “waffling”. That’s what I call it when I’m making waffles. It’s also what I call the indecision that Jack sometimes has, which has been a common thing in our house since … well since he could talk! So… since he was 2 and a half?

Jack at age 3: Mommy I want to wear these shoes.

me: Ok let’s get them on.

Jack: NO I want those shoes because maybe I’m running today! (He grabs his sneakers)

me: That’s fine but we have to get them on or we’ll be late.

Jack: But wait! Maybe those are better!!!

me: (sensing the futility)  Ok Ok let’s go, Jack, you have to pick one or I will pick for you.

Jack: (hysterics)…

I chose the sneakers I believe. 🙂

————–—-

Fast forward to the present day. Yesterday actually.

me: Jack, let’s take a walk to the beach. (Our campsite was about 1/10th of a mile from the ocean.

Jack (at age 12): But, I don’t want to swim!

me: I didn’t say you had to swim, I just want to walk there and check out the beach and see how the water feels.

Jack: Should I change?

me: For what?

Jack; In case I want to swim!?

me: (feeling the old pattern starting to unfold) If you want to put on your bathing suit just in case, go ahead….

Jack: The water’s probably too cold to swim! 

me: So let’s just walk there and check it out. 

Jack: But what if we get there and I want to swim???

me: You’ll walk back and get your bathing suit on… 

Jack: Ooohhhhh… (hand wringing)

me: Ok I’m walking… byeeeee!

Jack: (in true waffler fashion) Wait! I’m going to change!!

(He changed into his bathing suit, he did swim, it wasn’t too cold, AND he had fun.)

Anyone else have waffles for breakfast? 🙂


Circle of life

Jack: One of my friends found a fish in the lake at camp and then he fed that fish to a bigger fish. The counselor said to stop doing that so I yelled “We’re just accelerating the circle of life! What’s wrong with that?!!”

me: Sigh.


Socially acceptable to stalk


Everyone! That means you. If you’re looking to get your daily dose of Jack’s sh*t, follow me on Instagram @debinort. I realize I only post here maybe once a week these days, but I’m instagramming multiple times a day usually.  

So, just in case you were missing any of the stories or want a real time glimpse…head over there!

The photo on this post is also on Instagram, just to give you an idea. 🙂

This was the opening line of Jack’s call to his dad today.

Jack: Hey, yeah, so how many kills did you make? (Pause) Cool!!

Ummmmm…..?

See you on some other social channels hopefully!


The Signs Are Real

This is what I found as I walked through Jack’s room. 

Jack: You have been warned. 


Doesn’t “dank” mean cold and dark?


OK, I get that slang does creep into our language and words take on other meanings… 

It happens quite a bit and it even happened back in the Stone Ages haha …when cool meant something was hot and hot meant something was cool and word meant something was true and cold meant something was bad, and bad meant something was good… And so on and so forth.

But now, we have this other NEW camp incident where kids are getting in trouble, because they aren’t allowed to say the word “dank.”

Jack: oh, and by the way we’re not supposed to say dank anymore at camp. Add that to the list!

Me: why? Doesn’t dank mean cold and dark like a cave? What’s the problem?

Jack: apparently it means something else… we just say it like “dank Memes!” That doesn’t even mean anything.

Me: trust me, I know, I’ve been hearing that from you for months, along with allah Akbar. Sigh.

Jack: well, apparently it has other meanings.

(So I grab my phone and look up the word dank. Well OK so it has to do with a type of marijuana, etc., and stoners and potheads, but it also has the real meaning of cold and dark!)

Me: I still don’t see why this is a thing. If you were saying “wow I smoked some dank marijuana” or …wait maybe dank IS the marijuana… (?) anyway I don’t think you’re using it in a context that is bad.

Jack: tell that to the counselors.

Me: well just do what they tell you and don’t say it, keep your head down, and be good.

Jack: Mom, I don’t have that camp this week. I’m going to taekwondo camp remember?

Me: Is that where I’m bringing you? (I look around to make sure I’m going in the right direction on the highway…)

I can barely keep the camps straight, ha ha at least I was heading in the right direction towards taekwondo camp. 

Happy Monday!


#hashtagintervention

Whatever, I use a lot of hashtags on my instagram posts. Don’t you all? #menotcaring @debinort

However, Jack cares. Really cares! Like, really. And he tells me each time he looks at my posts. #whydoyoucare

He always says no one cares, I shouldn’t use any hashtags, I should get more followers, I’m too needy, etc etc… #ponderingit #yourenotthebossofme

Tonight he wanted to look at my posts. I LIKE my posts (follow me! @debinort) 🙂 Hopefully you’ll like my posts too! #youreallylikeme 

As he started thumbing through the lineup of pics… well… I knew what was coming… #foreshadowing

Jack: Mom, really? 8 hashtags? Hashtag nature, hashtag trees, hashtag cloudscape, what even is that??? No one cares!

me: I like them. And it’s how people FIND me… otherwise how would people even know my photos are there?

Jack: Get more followers.

me: They don’t just magically appear.

Jack: Get more friends.

me: #gettingannoyed

Jack: Really? Hashtag famfamfam? Hashtag filmaddict? Unneccessary!

me: Oy…  #nowwhat

Jack: (scrolls to a photo of him in bed on vacation looking at his iPod) Hashtag 12-year-old-boy-style? No one looks THAT up!!

We both pause.

Jack: Except 30-year-old creepy men who live in basements.

me: I was just thinking that very thing. Sorry. (I start petting his hair) Please unlearn that…  #thingsmomshatetosee

Jack: Stop petting me.

me: You’re my therapy dog. #stayababyforever

You can see the pic for yourself! Yeah I guess I can tone down the hashtags. 

#jk #igottabeme