I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up.

Posts tagged “13-year-old

Meteorology Lesson

me: Jack, see those clouds? Do you know what weather they predict for tomorrow? It’s usually a 24- hour window that you get when you look at the clouds….it’s generally accurate…and so cool that we can predict the weather just by looking at the sky and not some dumb app. So what’s your guess?

Jack: I don’t know, rain?

me: No, look, see how they’re all bumpy and uniformly dispersed? That usually predicts the exact same weather as today. So hopefully it will be sunny and in the 60’s… just like today…Isn’t that cool?

Jack: (looking at the weather app on my phone) Says 40’s and rain tomorrow. Good job, Mom.

me: Grrr. Stupid feckin clouds.

Side note, I haven’t written in awhile and it has nothing to do with clouds or weather! Though I DO so hate the cold and am fully ready for spring to arrive. Sorry everyone, I’ll do a better job!

This article has some really interesting cloud formations. I’m kind of a cloud geek, see my Chicago Skyline photo below. I can’t believe I took such a cool photo. The rest are just bonus shots from Chicago from last November 🙂

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When caviar goes bad

We met some friends for dinner and Jack’s friend ordered a bento box that had a few different types of sushi in it. Including one giant avocado tower covered with Roe and caviar. Needless to say when he touched his fork to it, the tower fell over.

Friend: Awwwww my caviar!

Jack: First-world problem.


Cloudy with a chance of kittens

So this happened:

I know… RIGHT?? My new little girls.

Luna in the back, PoBo in the front. And no, it’s not PoBoy as in sandwich. For those of you that have asked and those of you thinking it. 🙂 It’s a small child’s way of saying Polar Bear.

Hey, Jack used to say Kkkk for Christmas tree. This is an evolved name!

And of course they are white so we had to name them whitey names. Not like Honky as one friend suggested. But we went through the gamut of whiteness: Snow, Cotton, Crystal, and then we started getting silly and thought of weather names like Cloud and Fog and Cold Front.

Then we joked that we would name them Low Pressure System and Barometric Pressure, haha. Or Windy and Rainy. But Luna stuck out on my list and Jack liked it. PoBo was pre-names before she even arrived and I dared NOT even attempt to veto that one. Jack picked it naturally.

I come home from work now and have two little mountain climbers scaling my legs. Must remove tights first and put on thick sweats! Aaahhh. We cut their nails so it was heavenly for a day or two. Now they’re sharp again! Oy!

Overall they have been a sweet and fun addition to the family. Moca is perplexed and whiney and tried to lick them to death on the one or two introductions we’ve made. She lunged one time so we put a stop to the visit early. We’ll keep trying!

You know what I’m doing, right? With Moca and now these guys. I’m building my support system for when JACK LEAVES FOR COLLEGE! I will have a well-established group of animals that adore me and I will not miss him for a second. That is, if he manages to get out of the closet I’m locking him in until he’s 50 after high school graduation. Not weird at all right?

Cuteness break:

That’s the kitties squawking at me when I walk in the bathroom. Aka “Their Home” for now. Awwwwww!

Taking it slow 🙂

Jack and I have this crazy coordinated cat/dog dance that we have to do now. PoBo is the chill kitty but she’s become a flight risk. I open the bathroom door and she leaps over my feet like lighting and hides under my bed. Luna, aka Looney, who dies CARTWHEELS in the air as she maniacally plays with a miniature fuzzy road kill squirrel (thanks Kelley lol) is more hesitant when faced with an open door.

Jack; Mom, come here!

me: In a minute, I’m doing something.

Jack: Mom! It’s the Walking Dead!

me: Wha—? ( I head to my room )

Jack: Look! I can’t close the door! PoBo keeps sticking her paw in it clawing at me like the walking dead and I can’t close it!

Moca is pacing and whining, beside herself at the sight of the little white paw.

me: Ok, first let’s get Moca out.

We double door it, closing Moca outside my bedroom door.

me: Now it’s ok to open the door a bit and push her —–

Jack: Aaaaahhhh! She’s out!

PoBo does a flying leap over Jack and takes over my bedroom.

me: Ok, you go in the bathroom and I’ll grab her, and then we will figure out how to get out while keeping them in.

We wrangle the kitties and get in the bathroom.

me: I know, let’s put them in the bathtub and then make a run for it.

Jack: Have you seen them jump?? It’s like one second before they’re out of the tub.

Well that’s all we got. It works and we make our escape checking so we don’t close a kitty paw in the door.

We open my bedroom door and Moca lunges in and races to the bathroom door to sniff and whine. We drag her out.

Repeat many times throughout the day. Ha!

We should have named them Hurricane and Tornado!

(A little meet and greet in Moca’s crate)

🐶😺


Speak softly, but carry a big can of paint…

(A fun quote by street artist Banksy.)

Jack and I don’t feel well, nd have taken a day off. I still have a fever and haven’t really moved from the couch. He’s upstairs playing Mario.

Last night we both were exhausted and watched Exit Though the Gift Shop, a Banksy film I’ve loved for years and have seen many times. It was fun to watch Jack watch the film.

Jack’s become a really good artist and has the best style, sort of Haring-like with a comical twist that is uniquely Jack. So, he genuinely enjoyed the film which made me happy. We took our Banksy love to a new level when we visited London last April and saw one of his street rats. It was amazing.

The movie itself is amazing on many levels. The street art, the artists, the plot, Mr. Brainwash (the identity the main character, a photographer/videographer takes when he changes lanes and becomes a street artist himself…after filming street artists for about a year or more). He eventually created his own sticker, ala Shepherd Fairy and his OBEY Andre the Giant stickers, and plastered them everywhere.

This guy carried his video camera everywhere! That too reminded me of Jack, who literally has had his camera strapped to his hand on every major trip he’s taken, and vlogged the entire time.

(China town in London, video camera in hand.)

In the Banksy movie, the main guy Thierry, filmed his cousin (artist Space Invader) wherever they went, and people really thought this guy was more famous than he really was, due to the camera attention of course.

I had an idea.

me: Hey Jack, Why don’t you start filming me everywhere we go. You know, like Thierry in the movie did with his cousin. Then everyone will think I’m famous and maybe something will come of it!

Jack: Yeah, but your life’s not interesting.

Sigh…

I won’t spoil the movie, but GO RENT IT AMD WATCH IT. I have a good suspicion that Banksy played a huge trick on us, the viewers, because that’s just what he does.

I’m now on to my third movie in two days… 2nd one was “Where is Banksy?” And now I’m finishing “How to sell a Banksy.”

Oh and we drew a lot last night and a bit today. Since we’re just sitting here riding out the Nor’easter 🙂


Need to upgrade my wardrobe

OK, just to cover myself, I spent a lot of time walking my dog. A lot. It’s cold outside, there’s slush and ice and snow and wind and rain and fog and mud… And I hate being cold. So this year I started to wear snow pants basically every day while walking Moca.

It makes it less unbearable. So on the few days this year so far that have risen above 30, it has been a luxury to not pull on a giant pair of snow pants and winter boots. Last week we had such a day. I was able to wear sneakers… Sneakers! I haven’t worn sneakers on a dog walk in months.

When I returned, Jack and I had to head to his friend’s house for a sleepover. I looked down. Black spandex pants… ok …. old beat up Nike’s… a little sketchy looking, and fluorescent pink socks… definitely not ok.

me: Oh geez, look at what I’m wearing. I was so happy to not be covered by snow pants that I forgot you can now see my socks… and these sneakers are awful! Ugh!

Jack: Mom, it’s ok. Remember what you just said… usually you’re wearing SNOW PANTS! Even when it’s not SNOWING! What you’re wearing now is way more normal.

me: Thanks. I guess??

And then the rest of the year I wear shorts!


Happy Birthday to my Teen!

Yes everyone, hold onto your hats. Jack turns 13 today. This makes 8 years of blogging for me! Originally started as shitmy5yearoldsays, this blog has been my one true outlet for all things Jack. And doesn’t he say a lot of … SH*T??

Yep.

Still going strong.

I asked Jack to name one thing he’d want the readers of his blog to know about him since he’s now a teenager (well at 4:36pm he will be… we are sticklers for time in this family)

Jack: I have nothing to say.

me: For the first time in 8 years.

And there you have it.

Happy birthday Jack!


Why it doesn’t pay to “fib”. Okay “lie”.

I took Jack to the gym today and told them he was 13. He’s not of course, but luckily looks like he’s 14. I just wanted to go to the gym and have a nice hour with him and work out. And he wanted to go with me! Is that too much to ask? Yes it is. 

So I drove around for 15 minutes looking for a parking place, went inside and lied about his age. They didn’t have the free week pass anymore. They didn’t have the free month if you sign up and they didn’t have any day passes I could use. So I was going to sign him up for an illegal membership. 

It was so crowded that we waited another 10 minutes for someone to help us. That person was unqualified to do memberships so I could either wait longer or do a $25 day pass. I thought that would be quicker. We signed up and they didn’t have my card on file. I didn’t have my card with me. I told the 20 year old employee that i knew all the numbers but he looked skeptical that anyone my age could remember that many digits. He needed approval to do that. Of course…

That person wasn’t available so I rattled off the digits and he tried to figure out where to enter them. Finally we got clearance. Then the receipt wouldn’t print and I was like It’s ok really! We’re going now! But they insisted on giving me that little paper which I then crumpled up and threw away without breaking eye contact with the kid behind the counter. Lol.

We went to watch a movie and do cardio. Jason Bourne!

No treadmills were available. We hooped in elliptical machines and I turned my phone light on to the horror of everyone in the room. 

Jack: Mom, how does this work?

me: Hold on… (shine light, hit quick start, set levels, etc) There just go and adjust with this button.

I finally hoooed in my machine and got into a rhythm.

3 minutes later…

Jack: I’m bored.

me: Sigh, ok let’s go try some other machines and the prowler.

We had a good time after that and worked out for about an hour. Jack was really getting into it and I liked being with him.

Jack: Soni don’t have a membership?

me: No just the day pass, which is $5 cheaper than the month membership.

Jack: Not really worth it.

me: You probably won’t come back that often so it’s ok. We saved $5! Let’s look on the bright side!

We left the gym only to find a $15 ticket on my windshield for obstructing traffic with my park job in between two other cars that looked to be legally parked!

Jack: Now that wasn’t worth it.

me: Sigh.