It’s almost ‘Sh*t My 14-Year-Old Says’ time

Gasp.

I cannot be the mother of a 14-year-old. I just cannot. But I guess I can’t stop it from happening. I better just get ready and accept it. Hence the NEW blog design. Ta-daaaa! I wanted to unveil it for Jack’s birthday in January, but I’m bored, and Jack is in NYC with his dad, and well I got to playing around… and this is what happens when I have free time. I create something!

I’ll update the photo and the header, naturally, when Jack turns 14. This was the only photo I felt comfortable adding to the header without giving Jack editorial approval. Otherwise, sheesh, the roof would blow off this house if I posted something unapproved.

Remember when I could post anything and show any photo because I was the BOSS of Jack? I’m still the boss, but these kids get so darn “mouthy” and “opinionated” lol. So yeah, no more random cute photos without approval. No funny stories without approval. No new blog designs with new photos… you get the idea.

I hope you all like this layout, it’s much cleaner and I should have done this years ago, but being a single mom, and a full-time worker, and a rescuer of multiple animals, and a home owner, kinda makes my free time next to nil. I’m lucky I can even post once or twice a month these days. I want to post more. Really. But with all the restrictions placed on the content (by Jack) and the lack of conversational time we have together (because Jack is plugged into some device) I simply don’t get the relevant content needed to produce a lot of “sh*t”. But there are gems that fall in-between those times. So, until I completely run out of material, or am completely forbidden to document it, I will continue to produce the sh*t you are accustomed to reading.

That does not sound flattering to me at all.

But I know you understand, because you are a great loyal reader of this sh*t and it must make you smile at least a little bit.

me: (via text to Jack) I’m upgrading the design on your blog. Can I put a pic of you not facing camera on it? Shows backpack.

Jack: Lemme see.

me: (sending pic) Here.

Jack: Yeah that’s fine.

me: Do you like the design?

Jack: Ya.

(hmmm, this is easier than I thought… he’s maturing!!)

me: What are you doing right now?

Jack: Playin fortnite with Alex.

Alex lives a few houses down from us. Jack goes to NYC to play a game online with him. Weird right? 😉

me: Ok don’t play too long and get some sleep. Goodnight.

Silence

me: GOODNIGHT

Silence

me: And here is the part where you say Goodnight and I love you back.

Jack: Goodnight.

me: Sigh.

So, there you have it. Working on the maturity. 🙂

 

A year of no sugar. Again.

Well I tried this three years ago and then each year since I’ve made the big attempt to give up sugar completely. I have t been 100% successful at all but have made major strides in the right direction.

I don’t use any sugar in my coffee, tea, oatmeal, etc. I don’t drink soda or juice with the exception of orange juice (natural) maybe a few times a year. And I might have a diet soda a few times a year also…

I don’t like sweet drinks or food. My issue is mainly chocolate! If it’s available I will eat it. Or at least try it. Unless I’m being super strict which I try to be as much as possible. I let myself have treats on special occasions but I know when I’m starting to spiral hahaha.

It’s doesn’t bode well for Jack when I am “off” sugar because then our household is pretty sugar free. Except right now Jack has a giant bag full of Twix bars. Thanks Santa (LOL)….

I wish I didn’t just remember that.

Anyway…

me: Jack, guess what, the day after Christmas is going to kick off a month of no sugar. Just letting you know.

Jack: Didn’t you try that like three years ago?

me: Yes.

Jack: And last year?

me: Yessssss.

Jack: And you’re trying it again? If you just stopped eating sugar you wouldn’t have to keep starting to stop.

me: Hand me the fudge will ya?

You’re Adopted

Oh my gosh has it been almost a month? Yep time is flying at warp speed. I wish I could post every day but it’s just not possible. 😦

Here’s the short update for those of you not following us on Facebook or Instagram 🙂

Jack is liking high school and his grades are great so no real issues there! We’re coming up on the holidays, which I love (2nd only to Halloween) so that’s a plus. Soon we will have our Christmas tree and there will be snow on the ground!!! What???

In the meantime we have work, homework, the pets to care for and a houseful of chores to deal with… don’t even want to think about the acre of leaves I have to get rid of outside. 😫😫😫

Jack is almost 6-feet tall. O. M. G.

What happened to my little boy???

Anyway, I’ll leave you with this…

Jack takes my phone and texts to himself: “You’re adopted”, so it appears in his text window as coming from me. Then he shares it on social media.

Jack: (Comments on Instagram): I KNEW IT!!!!!

(Give me strength…)

Less face-to-face these days

Remember the good old days where I used to post very long and in-depth commentary from Jack? Well, these days we don’t spend a lot of Face-time together. Jack usually has his headphones on, is doing homework, or is otherwise occupied… (Three hours of bathroom time anyone?)… Just saying!

That alone leads to a blog that doesn’t have as much shit in it as it used to :-). When we are together, and Jack unleashes a spectacular one liner, or he has a rambling monologue about something, and I want to blog about it… I generally get vetoed.

He has editorial approval now that he is older and more sensitive to embarrassing moments that would be for ever caught on the inter-webs.

The one or two shining moments that I get with him each day have a lot of content in them… That would make great blog posts… But, by the time I get around to blogging, I’ve generally forgotten the gist of the conversation :-). I would hate to say that Jack’s blog is winding down… Because I still love to write about him… But this may be a natural progression! I don’t know of too many other blogs that have tracked their child since age 5 tight into the teenage years. If you know of any, please comment and let me know 🙂

me: Do you want me to make your lunch today?

Jack: —-

me: Helloooooo.

Jack: (big show of slowly removing headphones) What?

me: Oy, take your headphones off.

Jack: (grunt)

me: Do you want school lunch today?

Jack: No, the food is disgusting and unrecognizable. However… the pasta is awesome!

me: School pasta is awesome huh?

Jack: —-

me: Helloooo!

Jack: (slowly removing headphones) Whaaaasatttt…

me: Nevermind.

And there you have it. Monday through Friday people! Actually I now have the “no headphones at breakfast rule” so we can actually say a few words before he runs out the door at (gasp) 6:45. Ungodly hour!!

Why is it so hard to call your mom?

So yeah, Jack is not one to race to the phone each night to call me when he’s away. It’s like pulling teeth to get a 5-minute call to hear about his day. :((( He is currently with a friend enjoying Lake George, NY and having a great time. Mom gets to stay home and work. Sigghhh.

I tried to get a text convo going tonight and this is basically how it went 😳

Summary: I’m a nerd and not very funny 😆😆😆😆😆!

Btw if he really blocked me that phone would be sooooooo gone.

Fortnite

Jack: Can I buy this thing for my game? It’s only $20…

me: $20?? What could possibly cost so much!?

Jack: It’s a character type thing.

me: I don’t know, Jack. That’s expensive…

Jack: It’s my money! I should be able to use it how I want.

me: Explain what it is and why it’s so important.

Jack: (pauses) Well it’s… this tomato headed guy that wears a pizza backpack and you can throw pizzas as weapons.

me: Pizza backpack.

Jack: Yeah.

me: Tomato head.

Jack: Yesss. (He does a little hop of anticipation)

me: A tomato headed guy that throws pizzas is important?

Jack: Very.

me: Sigh.

First day of summer camp 2018

(The eyes say at all)

I was more than excited to see that all of the camp traffic was gone by the time I got in line. Sometimes that line snakes around for 45 minutes before you can actually drop your child off. It’s one way in, and one way out. I decided to play it safe and just run the schedule a little bit late today. I made Jack a great breakfast, eggs and bacon, Rye toast, orange juice, and he threw back a few Fritos for good measure…

He has a very big lunch packed today, we put on sunblock, had one minor catastrophe because we couldn’t find the swimming goggles… I remembered the water bottle and a towel… He grabbed his bathing suit and swim shirt and hat and case for his glasses. I remembered the medical forms and the EpiPen’s… And then we also had to have a brief meeting with the camp counselor to turn over the forms and medication.

Need I remind you that I also fed and walked and played with three other furry animals… This morning!! I also managed to feed myself slap on some make up and blow dry my hair. And this was all before 8:15 AM. I guess I kind of want a pat on the back LOL. I do feel a little bit like wonder woman today though I may not look that good ha ha.

I’m still very upset that I didn’t get a picture of Jack getting off the bus on his last day of middle school. It has literally tormented me. Because, I got the first day on the bus in sixth grade, and the last day off the bus in sixth grade… So it was kind of a thing that I wanted to do for myself. But lo and behold, I raced home before Jack on that last day of school….I took Moca out for a quick pee, made sure the kitties were accounted for, and then I heard the door slam open and Jack was home.

It didn’t even register that he would never get off the bus again in middle school. Ever. Mom guilt at its finest.

So, in order to make up for that mom mishap, I wanted to get a picture of Jack on his first day of camp. Do you think he willingly agreed?

Me: Jack let me grab one quick picture before you get out of the car.

Jack: no, leave me alone, no pictures.

Me: Please, just one quick one (I tried to wrestle the camera in his face while he swatted it away)

Jack: (he’s laughing a bit) stop!

Me: Let me get a flippin’ picture!

Jack: stop yelling, Geez, everyone can hear you!

Then I noticed that the windows were down and all of the camp counselors were just standing there staring at us having this wrestling match in the front seat of the car. LOL. Sigh…

#mylife

Slacker

Me not Jack.

I haven’t blogged in awhile because life has been getting in the way AND when you’re a mom of a new teenager, they don’t always like what you post and INSIST on editorial approval, etc, etc, blah.. WYH. Was I so annoying at 13? Let’s not answer that.

Also, “they” read the posts with a little bit of laughter and reminiscing but mostly disdain, pointing out spelling errors and lack of fact checking on my part. Sometimes I’m being called out for lying. Or for being old with bad recall. Sheesh minor details. This is my blog and I’ll write it to the best of my recall abilities. Ahem.

Ha.

It’s probably all true to some extent.

…anyway…

Jack: Can I read your blog?

(Another way for him to use a digital device before bed. Hmmm.)

mr: Sure, but just read random posts so you see some from all your different ages.

Jack: No I want to go in order starting with the newest.

me: Wellllll….

Jack: (Starts reading the blog and notices that my last post was in early May). Way to slack on posting, Mom!

me: Hey I’ve been busy.

Jack: (continues reading) This is a total lie…

me: Maybe I’ll post tonight…

Jack: (swiping down at lightning speed as he reads)… NOT true.

me: Geez, I can’t win…

Jack: Not true, Lie. OH that NEVER happened…

me: Sigh.

I can’t even…

So there was a minor catastrophe the other day which may or may not have involved me getting locked out of my car. Ok Moca actually locked herself IN the car, and we were at the beach and I was supposed to be watching one of Jack’s friends…and the list goes on and on.

But that’s not the story I’m here to tell.

I called Jack to let him know that I was stuck outside my car and waiting for roadside assistance.

Jack: Hello?

me: Hey Jack, listen I’m kinda stuck at the beach for awhile.

Jack: What’s up?

me: Moca locked herself in the car by stepping on the keys and I —

Jack: Just Kidding (rest inaudible due to bad signal)

me: What??

Phone goes dead. I thought Jack hung up on me. I called him back.

Jack: Hello?

me: Hey what the heck? I have to talk to you…

Jack: What’s up?

me: Listen, I’m going to be awhile because I’m at the beach —

Jack: Just Kidding, leave a message.

Beep.

Yes exactly. That was his voicemail message.

Sigh.

And 3 hours later with the help of a very good friend, I had my spare keys delivered to me and I got to go home.

😬

May the 4th be with you!

Spoilers.

This post has nothing to do with Star Wars.

Jack: Hurry up and sign my permission slips. They’re due tomorrow!!!

me: Where are they?

Jack: In my backpack!

me: Leave them for me and I’ll sign them.

(Next day)

Jack:!We’re gonna be late! You have to sign these! You didn’t remember yesterday!

me: Leave them on the counter.

(How is this my fault?)

me: Ok, here you go. Hey, for the band parade it says they need parents to walk along and hand out waters and stuff. Want me to do that?

Jack: NO.

me: Well someone has to do it. Then who will walk?

Jack: Anyone but you.