Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now)
I started this blog when Jack was only 5 years old! And, still, I can't make this sh*t up!
I was packing a lunch for Jack this morning. Simple as that.
me: Jack, do you want a few saltine crackers with peanut butter as a side snack?
Jack: Why does my lunch have to be like we’re in the middle of the London Blitz?
Sigh.
(That’s a rowing pic from the race in Hartford 2 weekends ago)
Maybe Jack finally stopped growing (6’2” and only 16 so probably not?) I have been measuring him semi regularly on a wall inside my closet since he was about one and a half. 😍
There are dozens of marks… I would put what grade Jack was in, his teacher’s name then his height and age and the date. It’s a total memory wall. I measured myself a couple of times over the last decade. After the height went down a quarter of an inch one time I just stopped measuring. LOL! Don’t wanna know! (Lalalalalalala)
So anyway back to the closet. Right to the side of where I measure Jack are the shelves where I keep my folded jeans, pants (slacks LOL) and leggings etc. over the years the piles grew and even styles changed somewhat drastically … I had some wide legged pants and a few boot cut … like what??? The piles were getting out of hand and as Jack got taller, and broader, it was hard for him to squish in to the space between the door and these shelves for me to accurately measure him. It was a struggle and I would just cram the jeans in even tighter to make room.
Fast forward to the last few weeks (leading up to today actually) and me watching many episodes of Marie Kondo’s shows… first the Tidying one and now the Spark Joy show. If you haven’t watched any of these shows, give em a whirl. She makes you want to eliminate all the clutter in your closets, bookshelves and cabinets.
Side note: Jack is in the shower and possibly singing Billy Joel, I can’t really tell. Or maybe it’s Kanye.
Ok, so I’ve been cleaning out my closets and drawers. 5 garbage bags of shirts and misc. clothing have already gone to Goodwill. Five!!!!
Today I got to the jeans shelves. I filled one giant hefty bag full of various pants and pant-like things. Jeans, leggings, camo, cropped leggings, a jegging or two, NY & Co slacks hahahah I hate that word. But now… you can move freely in my closet (it’s a small walk in.) and Jack will comfortably stand tall against the measuring wall the next time we measure him.
me: Jack, go look in my closet.
Jack: Why what’d you do now?
me: I got rid of a full garbage bag of jeans.
Jack: You wear jeans?
me: Go look!
Jack: Woah, you can actually move in here without being assaulted by your shelves.
me: Should we measure you?
Jack: You just did like 2 weeks ago and I haven’t grown since.
me: Do you think you’ve stopped growing?
Jack: I hope so. I’m ready to get serious about buying some clothes.
Hahaha
It’s funny to think about how many times (probably a hundred or more) Jack would outgrow new clothes even before he wore them due to waiting for the right season. He would get summer clothes for his birthday which is in the dead of winter, and then nothing would fit by July. We had to be very strategic or just buy exactly what he needed that day.
Even if he stops growing soon-ish, I think we are good stopping at a size 12-13 shoe and 34” inseam. Let’s not push it any further. I can’t afford the grocery bills!!!
Jack and I were sitting on the couch the other night. He was showing me something from school that I simply cannot remember right now (Oy!) and I had to lean in to see what he was showing me. Then he looked at my arm, reached over and jiggled it. (It’s a wonder he made it to 16)
Jack: Hey your arm jiggles like a lunch lady!
me: Whaaatttt???? (I start winding up for the knock out punch)
Jack: No! No! Don’t worry! The top of your arm is fine and that’s the important part.
(???)
After serving Jack a breakfast of toast and a Swiss cheese and spinach omelette, I handed him a glass of milk and a bowl of cherries.
Jack: Oh sure, feed me milk and cherries, exactly what killed Thomas Jefferson!!!
What??? First of all. WHO even KNOWS that, and frankly I didn’t even remember which president Jefferson even was (he was the third). And 2nd of all, it was Zachary Taylor, the 12th president, who actually died from a food borne illness suspected of coming either from the pathogens in the water used to wash the cherries or the unpasteurized milk he drank. Well everyone drank that back then. I mean, come on, we ALL know that Louis Pasteur was only in his 20’s at this point, right??
😂😂😂
I was driving home from work and gave Jack a call to let him know that I’d be there in a few minutes. I’m not sure if other parents have similar conversations with their teenager… Or maybe they do for different reasons… haha…
me: hey Jack, I’m almost home, getting off the exit now. What are you doing?
Jack: perfect timing. I just broke the corkscrew and don’t know what to do.
Me: Ummm isn’t it a little early to be drinking wine?
Jack : I’m not drinking, I used it to fix the knot in my shorts. But it didn’t work because I held the handle too tight.
me: where the heck did you learn that???
Jack: Various online news outlets.
🤣🤣🤣
Jack and I ate dinner while watching an episode of Madame Secretary. He is so into that show now, and i’m watching it all for a 2nd tme. Really good if you haven’t seen it yet! We would highly recommend it as your next binge.
This week Jack has been interning at my friend’s business and understands what it feels like to be busy all day. We get up at 5 to be at rowing practice at 6, then finish up, go home, shower and I drive Jack to his “job” for 9 then I go to work (luckily they are close to each other), then we head home, walk the dog, feed the cats and slap some dinner together.
Anyway, we were tired from a full week of getting up at 5am. Trust me, as much as I like seeing the sunrise on the beach, I just want a day of solid sleep. We were in the mood to veg out on the couch. I made a giant pot of mac and cheese for Jack, along with veggies, etc., and made sure to make enough for left overs hopefully for lunch tomorrow.
We were eating, or at least I was still eating, and Jack I guess had finished his food, and slumped over like he was in a coma, groaning.
me: What happened?
Jack: Ate. too. much.
me: Really? It didn’t seem like you at a lot at all.
Jack: I ate the whole pan.
me: The whole entire pan??
Jack: Oohhhhhh….. (more holding of stomach and groaning)
me: Jack, that was 8 SERVINGS roughly!
Jack: Yeah, I know, I should have thought that through. Here you can have what’s left.
He hands me his bowl with like 10 little shells in it. Gee thanks.
10 minutes later he eats a half of a banna and a whole apple covered in peanut butter. That was dessert. LOL!
Boys are gross.
Jack is getting his driver’s permit right now. Oh Lordy!! Stay off the roads! 🤣
The security guy at the door of the DMV stopped to check our mountain of paperwork.
Guy: What’re you here for?
Jack: Permit test.
Guy: How old are you?
Jack: 16
Guy: Wow, you are tall!
We’re used to that kind of reaction. Anyway, Jack already passed in what seemed like 5 minutes. (Hoping they actually tested him!) We now have another driver in the household.
me: We need to stop at the store and get a few things for tonight.
Jack: Can I drive to the store?
me: Sigh.
And so it begins. He’s had the slip of paper exactly 15 minutes haha. I’ll definitely share more stories of how THiS goes.
In the meantime…
I have a few more funny texts that I found that made me laugh so I’m sharing them now. Jack is the gray and I’m the blue. As if you couldn’t tell hahaha.
(I think I answered him in like two minutes!)
____
(Jack and friends were in Target haha)
____
(Sigh)
____
(Really…)
____
(No clue hahahaha)
____
(I think this was when PoBo kept jumping in my trash can)
____
(As always)
Well that’s it for today, have a great weekend everyone!
me: Wow Jack you got over 69 likes on your birthday post already.
Jack: Nice!
me: I get about 10-15 if I’m lucky.
Jack: That’s because you post 50 pictures of a tree.
me: I like my trees.
Jack: And you post every day and spam everyone’s feed.
me: Spam? They can unfollow me. I post what I like so I can go back and look at it. How often should I post in your opinion?
Jack: Like once a month.
me: Gasp!! I post at least once a day.
Jack: Well get it down to once a week maybe or just do one post with all the photos you would have posted each day.
me: But then I can’t see them unless I swipe.
Jack: But then you’re not annoying people who don’t want to see your posts all over their feed. You’ll lose followers.
me: I don’t care about followers.
Jack: Clearly.
Sigh.
At least that’s what Jack has high hopes for…
Jack: When I’m 16 can I do whatever I want??
me: Within reason, but no, not really.
Jack: Like can I raid someones house?
me: Jack! Seriously…
Jack: Not in a bad way. It’s not a bad thing, really! Oh forget it…
me: Sigh…raiding is bad. It’s like stealing, right?
Jack: No, I mean raid in a good way.
me: Still no.
Jack: Okay then, first things first. I need spiky bands on my gloves, can I get those when I’m 16?
me: Maybe. Sounds scary.
Jack: It’s totally cool!
me: Where exactly are you getting these ideas?
Jack: Magic Treehouse book #5!!!!
me: Those are school recommended, right? Sheesh…
Jack: We get our best ideas from books that schools recommend…
Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now) 