Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now)
I started this blog when Jack was only 5 years old! And, still, I can't make this sh*t up!
Jack and I are heading to Cape Cod to stay at the house we used to rent when he was little. We haven’t been there in quite a few years! So exciting!
Jack is currently driving and I’m blogging…
me: Is this car comfortable for you to drive?
(He’s a giant)
Jack: It’s ok.
me: What would you change if you could?
Jack: I’d make it a 6-cylinder Mercedes.
😑
Jack: (looking at used cars on his phone) How much should I spend on a car?
Me: What? You’ll get my car when you’re able to have one on campus.
Jack: But what if I want a NICE car.
Me: you think you can afford something nicer than a 2019 Subaru, loaded?
Jack: (keeps researching) Hmmm, what kind of car payment do you think I can afford?
Me: (silence)
Jack looks over at me. What??
Me: it depends how much money you make at your JOB. (Of which he has none).
Jack: (visibly deflated) Point taken.
Me: Monthly payments assume you have monthly income. Free car sounds pretty good eh?
When you’ve never really worked for a living, you kind of don’t realize that everything you do depends on how much money you make.
As it turns out he dies still say sh*t even while away at college 😂
Jack and I were talking on the phone earlier. He was getting ready to start packing for his spring break rowing trip and was debating whether or not to get some homework done before break or after, and then was worried about an egg sandwich he took from the dining hall.
Me: Dis you start packing yet?
Jack: No, I have time. I’m wondering if I should go do my homework at the Q center now to get it over with.
Me: That sounds like a good idea so you won’t have to think about it over break.
Jack: I’m not thinking of it at all.
Me: Well if you have time to do it then pack.
Jack: I’m more worried about this egg sandwich.
Me: Uh, what?
Jack: I took an egg sandwich from the dining hall and it’s going to sit here for a week.
Me: So eat it.
Jack: It’s cold.
Me: So heat it up! 🤨
Jack: oh yeah I could eat it now.
Me: Or wrap it up and take it in the van as a snack later.
Jack: I just said I’m eating it now.
Me: Sigh. Ok. Give your dad a call too before you go.
Jack: I would but you’ve been talking forever.
Me: Oy! Ok byeeeeee.
Jack: Oh wait I have to tell you this funny story. This guy was using the bathroom at work and the lights went out so he took a spooky dooky. Hahaha!
Me: Wasn’t that what happened to you last summer.
Jack: No it was some guy on Twitter.
And there you have it, the last mom son convo before Jack’s first ever spring break trip.
Spooky dooky…. geez….
Jack is doing great in his second semester at UConn. He’s planning to spend spring break with the rowing team at camp in South Carolina. I wish I was going away on spring break!! It’s still icky and cold here but I heard it’s not exactly hot down in SC. But definitely warmer than CT that’s for sure.
I was trying to get the full scoop about the trip from Jack this week so I know what’s happening and when.
Me: Where’s the agenda? Like what’s the plan?
Jack: There’s this creepy presentation I can show you that has the info in it.
I start flipping through. It is weird looking but I keep going to see if they tell the kids what to pack and what to expect, etc. I get to a big checklist.
Jack: Woah, I didn’t even see that!
Me: Come on, did you not go through this? It has everything you need listed out here.
Jack: Well it kept getting stuck on one page so I gave up.
Me: Nice. Lucky for you I got this far into it. So what’s the driving situation? Does everyone take turns or what?
Jack: We’re driving down in vans and it’s about 12 hours to get there.
Me: Who’s driving?
Jack: The older guys. There’s a driving buddy that has to stay awake with them. Then they swap. There will be lots of breaks.
Me: I can’t believe you’re all leaving at 5pm on a Friday! Like wouldn’t it be better to leave in the morning, miss all the traffic and actually drive during daylight?
Jack: There’s these things on Friday called classes and exams, Mom.
Me: Oh yeah.
Jack: They told us we needed to bring a sleeping bag and mine’s at home and dad doesn’t want to drive it to me tomorrow.
Me: I guess you’ll have to bring the blankets from your bed then.
Jack: Nah, I rented a sleeping bag for $12 from the school.
Me: Okayyyy… maybe want to wash it?
Jack: No way I’m waiting for a sleeping bag to dry tonight Mom.
Me: Good point. Well, ok have a good night and don’t forget to call me before you leave tomorrow.
Jack: How can I? You call me like 3 times a day already.
Me: 😬😬😬
Yes, it’s been a few minutes since I have written y’all. A LOT has happened in a very short year. A lot. 🙂
How was your 2022? I hope it was easy and breezy.
Our year was typical of any family with a teen graduating and moving to college. All the end-of-year festivities, prom, graduation, summer vacation, summer job, choosing a college, preparing to pay for said college, planning to MOVE to college, you get the idea right?
(Some fun summer vacay pics)
Throw in a dash of, oh I don’t know, SELLING our home at the same time and moving to another town. Yeah that can throw a monkey wrench into things. Jack moved to UConn in August, I packed up and moved out of my home at the end of September…yep moved an entire house by myself…and then traveled for work, came down with COVID and suffered for a few weeks, ugh. Jack got sick in December over Christmas break. Then all was well and we settled into the “after Christmas” lull looking forward to the new year. Enter new year, and my fun spinal injury from a few falls and a few crazy workouts.
And we then celebrated Jack’s 18th birthday in January! I kinda re-injured my back driving for 3 hours to his school for a family dinner. Driving with your left leg can do some damage when your right leg goes numb, so that was a bit dumb on my part. Oy!! So I was injured up until today actually. Just got myself a nice spinal injection to help with the hot mess that my back has become.
Oh and BIRTHDAY PICS! This would be the first year I did not share a photo of the birthday boy and the CAKE!
(OK, I smushed it a bit getting it out of the box.)
Sooo, with all that going on, I have finally found the mental strength to catch you all up on all things Jack! He is still saying sh*t, though it’s less and less sh*t and more and more smart college stuff 🙂
I had this brilliant idea that we would close off the blog with one last post that we would collaborate on. We really meant to, really! But then all the stuff above happened and we really just could not come up for air. And now, I’m sitting on the couch with a semi-numb leg (It’s supposed to clear up in a few days) and Moca the ever-present doggie by my side, and I felt like writing! Finally! But, Jack isn’t here. Soooo….
But, he’s coming home weekend after next. Yay! Then we may do that collaboration. In the meantime I’m shopping for blog book deals because why not! We were featured in the amazing book “Breaking Good” by Madeline Ashe, and you really really must go read it and you’ll feel like Jack is a character in the book because the little dude is based on him. I mean how cool is that!?
And also because there is a new movie out with Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher, and yeah she’s blonde and her name is Debbie (not the cool way I spell it), and her son is named Jack, and he has glasses and all the fun allergies that my Jack has. Maybe they found this blog too and wanted the likeness as well. Who knows? They didn’t ask haha. Nor did we get credit. But alas, there are other Debbie’s and Jack’s out there so I can’t really complain.
Back to my Jack though. He’s doing so well in college, he’s rowing for the school team and just generally being a great human being which I am so proud of.
(Graduation pic again because I love it soooo much!)
Here are a few things he’s texted me in the last few weeks, which is our main way of communicating, along with some phone calls. He’s still hysterical, and will always be uniquely…Jack… 😉
I sent Jack a text of a map, showing the rowing camp “Bob” area he planned to attend over spring break with the team…
Jack: Provides context to nobody. (sends me an image of someone praying). When you beat the camp bob allegations.
me: What?
Jack: Scale? Location?
me: What allegations? Google it on the map for scale and location. It’s your camp.
Jack: My bruh, you are already there.
me: Look it up on your schedule. (I send him a zoomed out map so he can see what he already knows… as in… where the camp is)
Jack: Ah, so literally nowhere.
me: Yeah, on a lake.
Jack: Yes.
me: Sigh.
Another fun exchange, I asked him to give me a call before bed to say goodnight. Yes, I missed him! He left a weird message with a lot of motor sounds like brrm brrm brrm.
me: Btw I so look forward to your voicemails to hear your voide and I save them forever. (annoyed emoji)
Jack: Is this sarcasm?
me: Yes.
Jack: Gotcha.
me: Bur really leave me real ones.
Jack: When I’m famous that’ll be worth millions.
me: beeebeeeeeeebebebebebebebebeb
Jack: If I leave enough they can make an album too.
me: (blank face emoji)
And one more fun back and forth with a political spin haha.
me: Good morning, how’d you sleep?
Jack: I was up watching the state of the union.
me: Oh I didn’t. How was it???
Jack Shame on you. Naysayer of democracy. I’m just kidding it was fine. Capping insulin cost at $35.
me: ok…
Jack Minimum 15% corporate tax, high tax enforcement if you make over 400k.
me: Woah.
Jack: Yeah.
me: No one in our family makes over 400k
Jack: Nice.
I’m hoping when he’s home in a few weekends we will really sit down and collaborate! Not sure if we should officially end the blog, but it’s been tossed around. We shall see! If any of you want us to continue into college days, send me a message, I would love to hear from you. ::
Goodnight all!
Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says (but he's 18 now) 