Boy vs. food and the bitter irony …

 
 
(There’s always a light switch or socket in my photos!)

Jack: Can I go to InSports camp again in the summer?

me: I think so.

Jack: They have the best food.

me: That’s what you’re thinking about right now? Haha…

Jack: This one kid once ate 6 tacos for lunch!

me: They let him eat all that?

Jack: You can eat whatever you want! The tacos have beef and sauerkraut… Wait I mean sour whatsit? Sour cream. And stuff. Soooo good! They call him Man versus Food!

me: Who?

Jack: The kid that ate 6 tacos. He was only in 3rd grade!

——————–

In other news, my ironic evening. Sigh… 

I was getting dinner ready and broke a glass on the floor. I cleaned it up pretty quickly and shook the rugs out on the deck to be extra safe. I then went outside to start the grill for the salmon I was preparing. Barefoot.

I stepped on the glass and there’s a piece in my foot right now. 😦    Isn’t it ironic? Dontcha think?

Mother’s Day Weekend! (sort of)

 

(our conversation Friday night as I put Jack to bed)

Jack: How do you make oatmeal? How long does it cook?

me: Depends. Instant or regular.

Jack: The kind we eat.

me: Minute 30 seconds.

Jack: Ok.

me: Why…

Jack: Nevermind. I made you something for Mother’s Day! But if you’re annoying to me you’re not getting it.

me: Jack…

Jack: Sorry.

me: Is it in your backpack perhaps???

Jack: Yes! But I’ll give it to you when I’m ready. Maybe tomorrow can be Mother’s Day!

me: Every day is Mother’s Day.

Jack: No! It’s just once a year!

me: I mean that we’re mothers every day and you’re my little boy every day. Now try to go to sleep ok?

Jack: Oh. And remember not to be annoying…

me: (warning tone) Jaaaccckkk…

Jack: (giggles)

me: What?

Jack: I farted.

me: Oh come on. What do you say?

Jack: Thank you.

me: No, what do you say when you…

Jack: Sorry!

me: Sigh. I’m looking for “excuse me”

Jack: For what?

me: (omg) For you tooting.

Jack: I didn’t fart. I just said the words “I farted”. I didn’t really.

me: Then why say them.

Jack: Because it’s funny, that’s why!

me: Awesome. You’re a piece of work!

(Bella is barfing her breakfast up on the white carpets…hold on!!)

Jack: I can say words that don’t actually mean I did them you know.

me: Okay goodnight. Let’s make this a great Mother’s Day weekend!

 

(this morning, 6:30)

Jack: Can I turn on the light?

me: (grunt) ok…

Jack: Happy Mother’s Day! He waves a construction paper card at me.

me: Wow, how beautiful!

Jack: You like it??

me: Yep!

Jack: Wait right here. (much commotion in the kitchen while I doze). Here you go!

me: Wow, oatmeal, thanks! Here put it down, it must be hot. Let me read this card again.

Jack: (eyeballing the oatmeal) Can I try your oatmeal? I’m starving!

me: Ha ha, yeah sure. (we end up splitting it and then have a crazy game of tickle torture)

So, I’m hoping that all of you moms out there have a great weekend and that your old-enough-kids attempt to make you breakfast in bed. This is the first year that Jack has attempted it by himself of course. It was really sweet.

(omg, Bella is on round 2 of barfing hold ON!! And Ed’s friend the birdie is back at the window. Every day this week now. The bird tweets, Ed meows…it’s really cute)

Okay I’m back. Cleaning up cat barf is part of being a mom, eh? Oh, and holy crap… I just saw what Jack did to the kitchen. O. M. G.

 

Here’s Ed and his birdie friend (click to enlarge and look closely on the window frame):

Jack, the champion speller in 3rd grade (he did a great job!):

Five years of art school means nothing!

Compared to my crazy little 8-year-old cartoonist! I have the illustration degree but he has the natural talent I think. His dad always drew the best cartoon characters and he was a lawyer for Pete’s sake! Lawyers don’t draw!

Anyway, Jack and I sat on my bed for some sketch time. I drew mostly him and my hands and feet. Cuz they were there. Jack made up the images in his head and they’re adorable.

Jack: Mom, it’s ok. If you practice, your drawings will get much better like mine. Maybe I can teach you!

…Anyone want to guess how much those years of art school cost? Sigh…

Enjoy the drawings! If you send me a request I’ll see if Jack feels like drawing on demand. I’ll post anything that gets his stamp of approval. 🙂

No more chapped lips though…

Jack: Wait til I tell my friends that you put LIP GLOSS on me!!! ARRRGGGHHH!

Math whiz. Not me, him.

me: 4×8?

Jack: 32

me: Nice. 5×8?

Jack: 40

me: That was fast. 6×8?

Jack: 48.

me: Do you know them by heart or are you just adding 8 to each answer?

Jack: Both.

me: Huh?

Jack: Sooo…If 7×8 = 56, and then If 8×8 = 64, for the next problem, instead of doing 9×8 = 72 I would take the answer from the last problem 64, but instead of adding 8 I just switch it around to be 68+4. Add em together and get the next answer. Then it’s easier.

me: Wha…?? Easier than what, just adding it?

Jack: if 9×8 is 72 then 10×8 is 72+8 OR 78+2, which is easier for me to do in my head.

me: How about you just memorize them like we all did. So you do the elaborate switching in your head?

Jack: Yeah, I just add the number to the last answer. But I switch it so I’m just adding the low number. Get it?

me: No. Lemme think. I’ve never even thought to do that.

Jack: I didn’t know you were such a dumb butt.

me: Thanks. And you just turned 8 on Friday. (I shake my head.)

And guess what, he’s right. About the math, not about the dumb butt part.

And here are some photos from Jack’s lazer tag birthday party. Can’t believe it’s Sh*t My 8-year-old Says.

I’m not sure what my comeback should’ve been

Jack: Do you know that Nick at school smells exactly like Charlie?

me: What does Charlie smell like?

Jack: He smells like Nick!!! (Jack scoffs.)

me: Sigh.

(Side note: we picked a winner in my last post/contest! You lucky dog! I’ll reply in that post to the winner and if I don’t hear back I guess I’ll have to …sigh…contact you directly.).

🙂

Happy Holiday Phrases

I think this is my longest ever blog-free stretch… Sorry! Oh, Jack has been saying sh*t but I’ve just neglected to tell you. I know. I said I’m sorry.

It’s been a rough week in my part of CT as you all definitely have heard. Our holiday spirit was shockingly put on hold. We’ve done everything in our power to support and help our friends in Newtown and little time has been left to think of much else. We haven’t been able to celebrate Christmas in our usual manner knowing that so many friends lost so much. I hope you will all help me to remember the shooting victims by lighting a candle in their memory tomorrow afternoon.

Jack and I are currently at the mall trying to find any last minute things we need. He desperately needed clothes after the 3-inch growth spurt he subjected me to at the end of summer. Jack’s feet literally grew 2.5 sizes. He started school with size 2 and now he will find a very nice 4.5 under the tree. Crap, I have a lot to wrap…

We picked out some things for Jack’s friends and a lot of things for Jack to wear. Finally.

Here are some things you would have heard if you had come to the mall with us. No really. You should have. It’s awesome the day before Christmas Eve.

me: Jack, don’t you think Gavin will love his gift?

Jack: You picked it out. I was just walking along being miserable.

………………….

Jack: (flying a toy space shuttle along every surface and knocking things off shelves) Sigh. The “turbo” is pooped. My attempt to go forward fails miserably. (He drops the shuttle on the floor.)

me: What does that say on the side of your shuttle.

Jack: It’s a plane.

me: Whatever.

Jack: It says USAF? What?? Oohhh US Air Force duhhhh… My friend got a plane like this at the “HB” ya know… The “holiday boutique”, get it?

…………………..

me: Can I have a kiss?

Jack: Maybe you need to do a better job brushing.

me: Sigh.

A Quiz For You

Jack: Here, I have a quiz for you.

me: What is it?

Jack: If Matt needs 500 signatures for his petition but only has 318, then how many does he need?

me: Let’s see…318 + 2 is 320 + 80 is…

Jack: I don’t need to hear your work!!

me: Sheesh Jack… So it’s 182? Am I right?

Jack: (scribbling something) I don’t know… I mean, yeah correct!!

me: Heeyyy let me see that. Is that your homework?? Jack…sigh…

Tree nut allergies are like Star Wars. Eat your pencil eraser instead.

Jack: Speaking of Jude. He ate an eraser today.

me: Sigh. Why?

Jack: Because it looked like a cupcake.

me: And did it taste like a cupcake?

Jack: Not really. I tried it too. But the green regular kind that goes on the end of your pencil.

me: So yours didn’t even look like a cupcake but it was tempting enough to try??

Jack: I guess so…

me: You know that isn’t food, right? And your body can’t digest it? Did you actually swallow it?

Jack: (silence)

me: Nice. You’re old enough to know better than that right? It’s not like you’re a baby that just puts things in his mouth. (And here is a site that I found interesting…edible pencil toppers!)

Jack: Did I ever eat non-food-things when I was a baby?

me: All the time. Like you once ate a pistachio shell, choked on it, threw it up and crawled away, all before Daddy or I even knew what was happening.

Jack: But that’s a TREE nut! I didn’t die?

me: No, that was probably your first exposure to tree nuts. That’s when your body said “hey, this is a bad guy…let’s remember what he looks like and next time assemble the army to kill him.”

Jack: And next time I ate a tree nut that’s what happened? But I could’ve died!!! Why does my own body want to kill itself??

me: Your body just sees the enemy, which in your case is tree nuts. So sometimes in order to kill the enemy, it has to take out some innocent bystanders in your body, and then you have a really bad reaction. Your body is protecting you a little too well unfortunately. It’s going after it’s own people.

Jack: Oh man, that is just like in a Star Wars book where Yoda picked up a battle droid and it started shooting and then Yoda turned around and had it shoot at it’s own guys!

me: And that’s just like a tree nut allergy?

Jack: Didn’t you just hear what I said?

Quote of the day

Jack: I’m going to take a permanent black marker and write my gender on the door! I. Am. A. Boy!

I’m not really sure why he said this. It was before bed and we were playing around…

Ohhhh it might have been because of this: