Conversations, Holidays

O.P.M. Is that sort of like O.P.P?

Jack: Are we trick or treating tonight??

(Our power came back yesterday after 6 days and our town had postponed Halloween until tonight)

me: Yeah, let’s give it a try! I hope the neighbors remember…

Jack: Of course they will! What else is there to do around here?

me: Good point… It’s freezing out so you’ll have to wear your winter coat under your costume.

Jack: Awww! You’re totally O.P.M!!!

me: Uh… What???

Jack: Over protective Mom!

me: Did you just make that up? Actually, nevermind…

Conversations

Why our house is kind of like the 1800’s

We don’t have cable. (gasp!) I think I’ve mentioned that we cancelled cable oh like 4 years ago. We DO have a digital cable box with digital rabbit ears. Yes rabbit ears. Hello 1970. But with “digital” in front of it, we’re almost to hello 2000! But we get about 30 channels, soooo, booya to the suckers paying $115 a month for cable. But of course, we don’t know anything. Is there an election coming up? Is there a hurricane on the way? Eh, I’ll go look outside if I want the weather report. (that one was for my dad ha ha)

Netflix rules our house. At $8.07 a month, you can’t go wrong yo! But if I see one more episode of Kickin’ It, I may cry.

(Update: Now in 2019 that Netflix price is going up to a whopping $12.99!! :O. LOL)

Jack: What’s cable?

me: Like TV you mean?

Jack: Yeah… my friends have it.

me: It’s a service that give you lots of channels for lots of money.

Jack: Oh we’re totally saving money then right?? ha ha!

me: Totally.

Jack: How much are you saving?

me: Maybe $100 a month? I don’t know exactly.

Jack: Then can I get a nerf gun?

me: But… Sigh… sure.

Conversations, Grammar

Badhavior

Opposite of “Goodhavior” of course.

Jack has been creating his own dictionary of combined terms. And I think they’re a bit more descriptive than the originals!

 

me: How was acting class? (Jack started a once-a-week class after school)

Jack: (gives me the guilty look) It was okayyy, why?

me: I’m just asking. Why, what happened? You and Ben weren’t acting up again were you?

Jack: Well, he had a little badhavior, but then he stopped. I was pretty much okay.

me: Badhavior, huh? Interesting word. So if I come to the next class and grab Ben and his Mom, and we all have a talk, what do you think will come out of it?

Jack: OKAY it was all my fault!

(like I don’t know this boy)

me: What was your fault?

Jack: Sigh. We were just trying to come up with our idea for the thing, ya know, and then I grabbed him and his knee went into my face and the lady told me to stop and that was it!

me: What lady?

Jack: The mom that pretends she runs the whole school!

me: Was she a Mom or a PTA lady?

Jack: What’s a Peetay lady?

me: No, PTA for Parent Teacher Association. She works for the school and for the parents, and she’s in charge of the after school programs.

Jack: Anytime there’s a Parentssociation, that can’t be a good thing.

me: That’s not a word you know.

Jack: But it should be.

 

Last year Jack was worried about these words. Funny to go back and read the old sh*t.

 

Bedtime

Red Spots at Night

Jack: Mom! MOMMMMM!

(I ran upstairs to see what was going on)

me: Are you okay?

Jack: My nightlight didn’t go on and then when I looked around it was all black and it all turned RED and I couldn’t make the red go away and it was really scary. (he starts to cry)

me: It’s okay. I’ll fix your nightlight. Maybe this disco ball thing lit up or something and that’s what you saw?

Jack: No, it was covering both of my eyes and I couldn’t make it stop!

me: Were you rubbing your eyes? Sometimes that makes weird colors appear…

Jack: No!

me: Okay calm down. I’ll stay with you for a little bit, okay?

Jack: Okay… Was that a lucimation?

me: You mean a hallucination??

Jack: Yeah. When will those start? Will I have those??

me: I don’t think you have to worry about it. You won’t have them.

Jack: Then why is it a word?

me: Some people have them when they take drugs or medication or are very sick.

Jack: I promise I didn’t take drugs or anything! Though I might need Motrin because my head hurts.

me: I know you didn’t take drugs sweetie. And it’s not a hallucination.

Jack: Can you look it up and see what it is? I don’t want it to happen again.

me: Of course. I’ll tell you what I find in the morning.

Jack: Throw my pillow on the floor before you leave. That’s how I’ll remember to ask you.

 

So I’ve spent the last half hour looking up red spots, and red vision at night, etc. There seems to be a lot of stories out there about people experiencing the same thing. This also seems prevalent in 5-8 year olds. Or that’s when it starts. Most of the children have color blindness, like Jack does. Most were premature, just like Jack. Most spots were accompanied by headaches, which his was. Most people live with it their whole lives without any other health problems.

Well, let’s hope this was a one time deal!

Conversations, Subaru Confessions

Subaru Confessions – Part 7

I thought this picture was funny. And it relates to my post. Really.

 

Of course I tucked Jack into bed tonight and woke up next to him a few minutes ago drooling on his pillow. So many stuffed animals, I was so tired, who could resist?

Jack had an excellent week in school. His spelling tests have been perfect. No “notes” or apology letters have come home in his backpack. Whew. The bus driver said she hasn’t had to speak to him about running up and down the aisles in over a week. Okay, I’m exaggerating on that one. But he did get spoken to for not listening to her or not sitting or something. I thought it was time for a trip to the toy store. A giant nerf gun was on our list. I reminded Jack that when you have excellent behavior on the bus and in school, and when all of your work is done correctly, AND when you don’t give your Mom any trouble, presents will follow. Funny that 7 year olds don’t yet retain that little bit of info.

We also had cereal for dinner. A sweet kind. I don’t do sweet cereals with Jack. He’s never had Lucky Charms or Froot Loops or Frankenberry. This time I let him pick. Only a few requirements, after all I couldn’t let all of the rules slip. Rule 1: Cereal has to have LESS than 10 grams of sugar per serving. I can’t give my child 17 grams of sugar in one bowl and then watch him down 4 bowls in one sitting. GASP! Rule 2: No high fructose corn syrup. Just because. It’s a chemical people. Rule 3: List of ingredients has to be small. Luckily most cereals follow that rule. Rule 4: No tree nuts. Well, that should be rule #1 but you get the idea.

(Okay, and technically I said we could have cereal for dessert if Jack ate some of the leftover butternut squash, chicken and corn…He was like “Oh yeah!”. And I’m thinking…you just ate a real dinner and the cereal is kind of a snack now, but whatever. And he didn’t go for 4 bowls because he filled up on veggies. I might be onto something here. How about “you can have this bag of M&Ms for DINNER if you eat this salad first.” Hee hee.)

So which cereal did he pick?

A favorite from my childhood. The box has a new “mascot” now. This wolf-looking thing. Remember this guy? (If you scroll down on that page there’s a Cookie Crisp video from the 80’s. Cool! That blog is also a fun read, so look around!) Uh oh, I just started reading through the blog, clicked on a link to Amazon, and bought this. Okay I gotta go to sleep for realz.

Back to the cereal…

The funny part is, it doesn’t taste the same as I remember. Do they actually change the cereals after a few decades or do our taste buds change? Weigh in!

Okay, here are a few tidbits from the ride to and from the store. Do kids say “tidbits” anymore or just us old people. Sh*t. Or should I say “Bird Sh*t”.

 

Jack: I’d like to be a bird

me: Birds don’t get nerf guns.

Jack: I’m glad I’m a person then! But birds get to poop on soldier’s uniforms.

me: ?
————————————–

(I watched Jack hold his nerf gun in the back seat with little boy joy on his face.)

me: Guess what?

Jack: What?

me: I love you.

Jack: You always say that. You have to do better than that.

————————————–

me: So what did you have for lunch today?

Jack: I got the grilled cheese. Man they have the BEST grilled cheese ever. Soooo good.

me: What makes it good?

Jack: I don’t know, extra grease or something?

me: Do your friends like it too?

Jack: Yeah. No one gets the vegetarian chili. And I mean no one. It’s disgusting.

me: So no vegetarians in 3rd grade?

Jack: No. You put a hot dog in front of any one of them and they’ll eat it. Watch.

(I guess hot dogs are the “meat” of choice for non-vegetarian 3rd graders)

————————————-

(Journey “Separate Ways” came on the radio. I started singing.)

Jack: You know this song??

me: Yeah, I loved it when I was little. I think it came out when I was like 12 or 13.

Jack: Oh boy, and everyone knows what happens at that age!

me: What??

Jack: You start to go crazy. I’m not looking forward to my teens.

Holidays

Crazy morning – and why moms say things 17 times

Here is a typical morning for me and Jack (and the cats):

(5:30am)

Bella: Meow!

Ed: MEOW

me: wtf…

(I get up and feed them and try to get another half hour of sleep before Jack wakes up. I no sooner lay my head down, or so it seems…)

Jack: Hi!

me: GAH!

Jack: I’m up early!

me: (sigh) I know. Is it even 6 yet??

Jack: Can I watch a video?

me: Get dressed first please.

Jack: But my clothes all the way up there! I’m down HERE.

me: Clothes then video. That’s why your shivering, no clothes silly.

Jack: Get me the hot water bottle then!

me: Get dressed.

Jack: SIGH!

me: If you’re dressed you can watch. I’ll go shower, then we’ll eat.

Jack: Take your time!

me: Yeah I know.

(I shower and start packing everything for our day: my gym bag, his lunch bag and backpack plus water bottle and snack and folder containing homework.)

me: Hey, you’re only half dressed. Come on Jack.

Jack: Huh? (he wouldn’t notice if the roof blew off while he’s watching Tuff Puppy)

me: Jack. Clothes please!

Jack: (He dresses with neck craned towards TV) Can I eat in front of the TV?

me: No.

Jack: Don’t yell at me.

me: Sigh. I’m not yelling.Come on let’s go eat.

(we go in the kitchen, have breakfast and I wait for the real fun to begin…ever since Jack was little, the toothbrushing scenario is the one I like the least of all.)

me: Okay let’s go brush our teeth, wash your face and brush that hair.

Jack: That’s too many things! I’m going to play…(he wanders off…)

me: Jack come on! Don’t want to miss the bus!

Jack: Don’t yell at me!

me: Sigh! Let’s go.

(He comes in and shoots nerf darts at me for a few minutes while he loads his toothbrush and the counter up with toothpaste. I hear some brushing. It was over way too quick. I tell him that before kids turn 8 they must pass a tooth brushing test to make sure they can brush their own teeth as adults.)

Jack: (pauses with brush halfway to his mouth) Are you serious?

me: Totally! I’ll test you tonight if you’re ready.

Jack: But, but, I didn’t really do a good job just now. Let me go again.

me: Okay, consider this practice. (I have to remember to test him tonight)

(he brushes furiously)

me: Nice job. Here let me check. (Yes I check twice a day if I can.)

Jack: Hey do you know…

me: Let me do this Jack. No talking.

Jack: (GAHHGGGGG) cough cough you’re choking me!

me: Sigh, come on, only one row left. This should only take a minute or two, not 10.

Jack: Ow, that tooth hurts still!

me: Sorry. It’s coming in nicely though! Okay hold still.

Jack: (steps on my foot)

me: Ugh! Okay we’re done. Now wash up and brush your hair.

(same cycle of stalling repeats)

Jack: Oh no! It’s 7:50 we have to hurry!!!!

(he goes into panic mode even though he knows my clock is set fast for just this very reason)

Jack: Come on with your hair already.

me: I have to dry it! Go get your shoes on, put your water bottle in your backpack and get in the car. (I blow dry furiously)

(when I come out Jack is in the middle of the living room surrounded by army guys and making cheek explosions)

me: Ahhhh! Shoes! Bag! Car! Come on!

Jack: NOW you’re yelling.

me: Sigh

 

I usually drive Jack down to the bus stop and then head to work right after it pulls away.

This was not our morning today. This was a typical day, but a made up day. Today Jack is with his dad in New York because it’s Columbus Day and there is no school. I did get woken up by the cats, but I was able to go back to sleep. I took a long shower and did my morning routine without interruption. I made actual coffee. I ate cereal with actual bananas (who has time to cut them up usually?) and I packed my gym back. I even made MY lunch. I looked at the clock. 7:30am.

Sigh.

I barely know what to do with myself, so I decided to blog. I had time. To blog. IN THE MORNING.

I’m finding that I don’t like the extra time. Seriously. I miss Jack running around causing mayhem at 6:15 a.m. I miss the milk spilled on the counter and the cereal bits under the chairs. I miss the glob of toothpaste on the sink and the guns scattered right in the middle of the hallway. Mostly I miss the noise. It’s way too quiet. I’m not good when it’s quiet.

Hm.

I’m thinking of adopting. You heard it here first.

Conversations

We’re entering … “those” years

A bit early I believe. I didn’t think we’d be dealing with these types of topics just yet. But, alas, here we are. As far as the British accent goes…he just likes to mix things up to keep me on my toes. Sigh.
Jack: When can I wear deodorant? My pits stink!

me: You don’t stink yet. Impossible.

Jack: So, like when I’m 10 maybe? Or when I get my cell phone you can also get me deodorant?

me: Maybe.

Jack: Does it hurt to start to get hair on your body?

me: (gah!) Um, not really. No. Why are you asking that?

Jack: I heard that it hurts. But now I feel better if you say it doesn’t.

me: Good.

Jack: Sooo, when will I get my first Public hair?

me: Public? (stifling a laugh) You mean Pubic. No “L”.

Jack: Ohhhh. So when will I?

me: Could be when you’re 11,12, 13 or 14? You’ll see it when you go to the bathroom one day.

Jack: Does it hurt for girls to go through their stuff?

me: Ummm, not too bad no.

Jack: I’m glad I’m not a girl. I don’t have to bleed out my baby hole.

me: Jack! Come on…

Jack: Is that bad?

me: It’s not very nice sounding.

Jack: How about this then? (he tries to kick me)

me: What the… HEY!!!

Jack: (affecting a great British accent as he runs away) Ohhhh remorse remorse!!!

And that’s how we end that subject. Guess he had enough for one day. Yikes. I did get Jack this great little book about growing up and how your body changes. I would recommend it, even at this age. It nicely covers topics that I know Jack hears about while riding on the bus with a bunch of 5th graders. Especially since he now has 6 or 7 very colorful new names for his “privates”. Oy!

Where did I get this kid anyway.

Conversations, Food

Same sh*t, different day

Jack: You know what? People always try to do two things at once. Listen to music while they work. Read while they eat. Talk on the phone while they’re pooping. It happens EVERYwhere!

me: People are busy, so they like to get things done all at one time I guess. You always read while you eat your cereal, right?

Jack: Yeah. So do you!

me: Yep.

Jack: You like to do three things at once sometimes, like talk on the phone while you’re making dinner and pretending to pay attention to your son.

me: Nice! I always pay attention to you.

Jack: No you don’t! I think you need to take more parenting classes.

me: Why??

Jack: If you took them you’d already know.

me: Gotcha.

Jack: They’d tell you how to cook dinner better. Maybe I’ll just take that over. I can follow a recipe you know!

me: Sigh.

School

How not to get killed in 3rd grade

me: (unpacking Jack’s backpack after school) Hey, did you use this water bottle at all? It’s still full.

Jack: Uh NOOOOO! You packed a TOY Story water bottle. How embarrassing! I would rather dehydrate.

me: You know, I thought of that as I packed it, but we were in a hurry. Sorry sweetie. I’ll only use generic water bottles ok?

Jack: Well, the Toy Story one is okay for home, you know?

me: I know. Did you eat your applesauce?

Jack: Oh yeah, how about not packing the MOST embarrassing spoon of all! I was picked on by the WORST kid in my class because of it.

me: What? I just gave you the small metal and green spoon.

Jack: Look closely. It has tiny reindeer on it.

me: Hahahahaha! Sorry, I didn’t know.

Jack: (not smiling) Are you trying to get me killed, or do you just hate me.

me: Sigh.